Daycare Days
by StaraLaura
Summary: We all know I'm bad with kids. This story is the perfect example of it! To get what I'm saying, read the hilarious stunts and stupid stuff that the ham hams do in Daycare with yours truly as the day care leader! Pathetic shot at humor, T just in case!
1. The Start of a Disaster

Once again (To the dismay of some of you), I will be TRYING to write a humor story. Flames are welcome, but remember that I'm going to seriously wound you if you do!

This story is PARTIALLY based on the story written and long, long, long, time ago. It was called "The hamhams and Little Ham Daycare". Oh, gosh, that was a mouthful, but the idea kind of goes to the author. I've changed it though, a lot of it. The only thing that I actually copied was how the ham-hams went to daycare. Just to let you know, they ARE human-hams. I'm SORRY, but it DOES fit more. Curse my stupid ideas! Anyway, this idea was to show you how good I am with kids.

Disclaimer: NO one on this site owns Hamtaro. What makes you think that I do? I do not own Hamtaro or any of its characters. Except Laura, whom I based on me! And this Laura is NOT from the Hamtaro series!

Chapter 1:

The Start of a Disaster

The day care lady laid back in her seat, shuffling her shoulders a little before trying to doze off. She had dark hazel eyes with dark, brown hair whose long bangs swooped over her right eye. Her hair reached a little past her shoulders with a red shirt with white letters that stated "Lifeguard". She was wearing faded jeans with white sneakers. Overall, she looked like an ordinary person (For those of you who know me, you know I'm anything BUT ordinary!), but her life was about to be flipped up side down when a small boy walked in the room and tugged on her jeans.

She yawned and looked down at the little boy. He had two hair colors, to her surprise, with orange and white. He had orange hair on the right half of his round head and white on the other, with navy blue eyes to mix with the entire appearance. She chuckled at the thought of him looking like an obsessive bronco fan. He was wearing a sleeveless collar shirt that buttoned with blue Nike shorts, hands shoved into his pockets. Then, she realized that he was smiling a big toothed grin, the front one missing.

"Ham-ha! I'm Hamtaro!" he yelled out, nearly deafening the girl. She shook her head and gave him a dirty look.

"Oh, ok. So you're one of the kids I have to take care of right?" she asked not enthusiastic at all, bending down to see Hamtaro eye to eye. Hamtaro vigorously nodded his head, bangs jumping up from his forehead.

"Hamtaro!" Said a male voice.

"Hamtaro, don't you ever run away from us again!" Yelled a woman.

A man and woman ran into the room, panting and sprinting towards Hamtaro. Hamtaro looked down, him tugging on his shirt nervously. These looked to be Hamtaro's parents.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," the woman huffed. The day care lady raised up a hand, showing forgiveness. It looked like they had a little trouble maker on their hands, and this happened a lot.

"Hey, no problem. He was fine, right?" she said in a monotone. The two nodded and the man said, "Aren't you a little young to be a dare care person?"

She nodded her head, swiftly replying, "Yeah. It's just a summer job. I'm Laura, by the way."

Laura extended her arm for them to shake, but was surprised to see that Hamtaro was shaking her arm in some kind of cute way to greet her.

"Ham-ha!" he said again. Laura looked at him and sighed while biting her lip, "Aw. He's a little angel."

The parents nodded with a smirk smile on their faces and turned towards the door. Before they left, the man reminded his son, "Hamtaro, be good now."

Hamtaro jumped up, pumping his fist up in the air while yelling, "I will! Here I come, adventure!"

Laura looked at him funny and then returned to her desk, but couldn't when a vicious tug on the bottom of her shirt and she looked down to see Hamtaro with huge puppy eyes. She carefully patted his head with two fingers, ready to make a dash for her desk when a fat looking boy walked in. He had a mix of grey and white hair and grey eyes with a huge sweatshirt and sweatpants on. He seemed to be holding a cupcake and waving goodbye to his parents. Hamtaro squealed with glee that Laura had thought was only from a little girl, but to see that she was finally free from the grasp of the child, she waltzed over to her desk and started to sleep. (A/N: Am I responsible or what?)

"Ham-ha! I'm Hamtaro, who are you?" Hamtaro immediately yelled out at the chubby boy.

"I'm Oxnard," he replied stiffly. Before Hamtaro could say anything more, two more little kids came in, a girl and a boy walking side by side. Hamtaro grabbed Oxnard's wrist and pulled him over to the two.

"Hey there! I'm Hamtaro and this is Oxnard! Want to play?" Hamtaro greeted, his arm way over his head as he tried his best to give a full wave. The girl smiled while the boy gritted his teeth. The girl had a head of thick, white hair tied in short pigtails and she was wearing a white dress with little boots. The boy was dressed with a moldy brown shirt with a dragon on it matching his brown eyes, hair, pants, and shoes. He had on a yellow hard helmet hat with a green stripe and red moon on it.

"Wow! Is that a dragon?" Hamtaro shouted, touching the dragon's head. The boy swatted away Hamtaro's hand and growled, "Don't touch it. It shows that I'm a warrior!"

"Do warriors have hard helmets? Because my mommy says that hard helmets are for people with issues-" Hamtaro started, but was quickly silenced by the kick in his shin. Immediately, Hamtaro started wailing out in pain, falling on the floor and crying as he held his leg. He quickly looked at Laura, but she was fast asleep with her feet on the table. Snoring loudly. Not wanting to disturb her, Hamtaro quickly got back up and said, "Meanie Butt!!!."

He turned to the girl and flashed a huge smile with his little teeth smile. "What's your name?"

"Bijou." The girl was blushing as she said it and put her hand on the other boy's shoulder. "And zis is Boss."

Hamtaro laughed at her accent and shouted, "You talk funny! Say more words!"

Bijou stuck out her tongue and looked at Oxnard's cupcake. She pointed at it and said, "I want some."

Oxnard shook his head and ran over to a corner, scaring the three children. Then, he started chanting, "Mr. Cupcake. Mr. Cupcake. Mr. Cupcake."

This freaked out many of the people in the room (except Laura, who was out like a light.) and Hamtaro straightened up, saying, "Who wants to color?"

Bijou raised her hand, but Boss said, "I want to play doctor!"

Hamtaro smiled at the idea and said, "Gee, that's a great idea! Good job, Boss."

Boss puffed out his chest proudly and said, "Let's start!"

5 minutes later…

"NO! THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT!" Boss screamed, thrashing around like a madman in the straightjacket he had on. It was just one of the shirts from the dress up place, but it was tied pretty well for Boss to act like this. Then, Hamtaro entered with a long lab coat that flew past his feet by a mile accompanied by Bijou who was wearing a nurse's cap. Boss withered around some more, screaming at the top of his lungs, hoping that the stupid day care lady person would help him, but she just kept sleeping.

"Okay, so say ahhhhhhhh!" Hamtaro cheered as he stuck a popsicle stick in Boss's mouth.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HACK, COUGH, HACK!!! UGHHHHHHHH!!!"

Then, entered three other kids entered to see two people holding a boy in a straightjacket down and a fat kid in the corner, whispering something to his cupcake.

"My, my. Scary isn't it?" one of the new boys said as he adjusted his glasses. He had on a blue collar shirt with a sweater vest and a red bow tie on his neck with black pants. He had grey hair and blue eyes. The boy next to him had on black sweatpants and a moldy brown sweater, matching his hair and maybe his eyes, but they were so tiny that you could barely see them. He brushed his red apron and cackled, "Yeah! Just as scary as you, Dexter!"

"What was that, squinty?"

"You heard me, four eyes!"

"Oh, will you two stop it?" the girl right next to them said, covering her ears. She had on a white blouse with a pink miniskirt and pink sandals to match her pink scarf. Her hair was long and layered, fluttering down her back as her golden brown eyes burned with rage at the two's arguing.

"Hey, let's see what they're doing!" she exclaimed and led the two boys towards Hamtaro. Hamtaro looked up from trying to reach down Boss's throat and waved, yelling, "Hey! I'm Hamtaro! This is Bijou and Boss! And there's Oxnard over there!"

He pointed out each ham and stopped uneasily at Oxnard who was rubbing his face with his cupcake, letting to frosting go down his shirt.

"He has some issues," Hamtaro explained calmly. All three nodded in agreement. The girl with long hair pointed out, just as Hamtaro did, her own party.

"I'm Pashmina. And this is Dexter and Howdy," Pashmina introduced. (Penelope isn't here. She's too young to be in a five year old's day care.)

"Hi! You want to play doctor! We're going to operate on Boss now!" Boss gave a wail of despair, but was quickly silenced as Bijou stuck a thermometer in his mouth.

"Sure! I'll let you operate on Howdy! He has issues, too!" Pashmina yelled, twirling around in happiness. Hamtaro jumped up in excitement, shouting whoops of happiness. Boss looked up at the others, spat out the thermometer, and said excitingly, "Hey! Does that mean I'm out of this?"

Bijou placed her hands on her hips and argued, "No! You are deathly sick with zee common cold! Vee need to operate on you!"

Hamtaro giggled, "She still talks funny!" He rolled on the ground in excitement

"Cuz I'm French, _non_?" Bijou yelled back at him defensively.

And Pashmina wrapped Howdy arms around with another 'straightjacket' and pushed him next to Boss.

"I'll never talk!" Howdy shouted.

"You know you can never do that!" Dexter yelled. Hamtaro stood up on his spinny chair (You know, at the doctor's office that doctor's hog when I want to sit on it.) and yelled, "He's crazy! Bijou, hit him in the head to knock him out!"

"Oui!"

"WHAT!!!???" Howdy was just about to make a run for it, when a tall boy came it, his nose buried in a book. He had brown hair that was gelled so his bangs kept getting longer and longer from the middle of his head and had dark brown eyes. He was wearing a plaid collar shirt with dark blue jeans. He waltzed in, his eyes still glued on his book and didn't pay attention to the scene that involved two boys in a straightjacket, three others trying to stuff sticks down the other twos' throats, and an obese boy in the corner kissing a cupcake. Hamtaro coughed purposely to get some attention, but the tall kid just kept walking to another corner by a chalk board, sat down, and remained silent.

"Uh, ham… ha?" Hamtaro pointed to the door to see two kids walking together, one boy and one girl, but they looked exactly. They each had honey blonde hair and emerald eyes. But, the boy had on a green shirt with a white collar and black pants while the girl had a green turtleneck with no sleeves and jeans with a ponytail tied in hair with a ribbon. They were both pushing and hitting each other, looking as if they were about to tear each other up.

"Stan! You ate my cookie!" the girl whined. Stan wiped his mouth and belched right in her face.

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHH! STAN, YOU'RE SUCH A POOPYHEAD!" she yelled. Hamtaro, being the nosy one he was, butted in their business.

"Ham-ha! I'm Hamtaro! And this is-" He once again pointed out each different person, Oxnard still in the corner, munching on his cupcake.

"Yo, I'm Stan. And this is my twin, Sandy, dude," Stan said, not comforting his younger sister. Hamtaro turned his head to the side and said, "Dude?"

"Yeah, man. You playing doctor?" Stan asked. But, once he caught sight of Bijou and Pashmina, both in nurse's hats, he let out a low whistle and ran over to them, putting his arms around the two of them.

"Hey, there, ladies. Dr. Stan Man is in session!" Stan said, pulling them closer to him to get a slap in the face by Sandy.

"Like, stop it! You are a total pervert, you flirt!" Sandy hissed. Stan rubbed his cheek and stuck his tongue out as Sandy stormed off, turning around and making faces at him. She went off towards the tall boy's direction. Stan shrugged and turned around.

"So, we playing doctor here?" he asked, pointing at Hamtaro's light strapped onto his forehead. They all nodded, even Howdy and Boss who were both on a table, a long piece of duct tape covering them. Stan smirked and crossed his arms.

"Oh, _please. _ What you guys need to play is Terminator," Stan said in a bored tone.

"Heke? What's terminator? Is it about termites? Or about time? Because to me, terminator sounds like time. Oh! This one time- see I used time- I was in my room and this dog went smashing through the window and I got out my Nerf football and-"

Dexter smashed his hands against Hamtaro's mouth while Stan said, "Is Red like this all the time, dude?"

They all nodded and Stan clapped his hands together.

"All right! So to play Terminator, we need a machine gun…"

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Sandy walked over to the boy whose face was buried in a book. By the looks of it, it seemed that he could read to Sandy. She smiled and waved.

"Hiya! Like, I'm Sandy!" she greeted. She stared at the boy for a moment to realize that he didn't say anything.

"I said, HI! LIKE, I'M SANDY!" she yelled. Nothing.

"Hello? Are you listening to me?" Sandy tapped on his head to see that he wasn't moving, just his eyes were scanning the book. Then, Sandy started to circle him and wave her hands in his face. It didn't do a thing.

"Let's see. Daddy told me that when something is wrong with someone, you need to go to the doctor," Sandy mumbled as she pondered every option. Then, she snapped her fingers, finally realizing the idea.

"I got it! You need to go to a dentist!" she yelled, giggling to herself. She looked around for a dentist, but there was none. She sighed and twirled her blonde hair that was pulled back into a short, layered ponytail. When she glanced at Hamtaro, arguing with Stan in a lab coat, she grabbed the boy's wrist and pulled him over to the group.

"I want to wear this though!" Hamtaro said as Stan tried to pull off the coat.

"C'mon! If you want to play Terminator, you have to like, get that thing off!" Stan yelled, tugging on the coat more. Soon enough, it was a tug of war and the kids watched, their heads tossing back and forth as Stan and Hamtaro pulled on each side of the coat.

"Stop! He needs a doctor!" Sandy shrieked, pointing the boy next to her that was as stiff as stone. Everyone looked at her and Hamtaro gasped, "I'll be right in!"

He gave the coat one last pull, knocked Stan off of his feet, and ran into a closet to get ready for the 'operation'. Soon, he leapt out with two separate extension cords in his hands. He joined them together to get a spark of light and the room was filled with 'ooohs' and 'ahhhs'.

(Kids, don't try this at home. I'm not even sure it works, but for my sake, DON'T try it.)

"Here we go! Strap him down on the table!" Hamtaro cheered, making the two cords zap again. Stan and Dexter, grabbed the boy's arms and, to their surprise, he woke up from his trance.

"What! Hey, give me my book back!" the boy yelled at them. Stan and Dexter just looked at each other before they tossed the brunette boy on the table and Pashmina and Bijou taped him down like they did with Boss and Howdy.

"Okay! Ready-" Hamtaro zapped his weapons again. The boy looked wildly around, his eyes bulging at the improper use of electricity.

"Hey, wait! What are you doing?!" he asked frantically.

"Set!"

"Wait! I'll tell you my name! It's Maxwell, Maxwell's my name and getting out of here is my game!" Maxwell yelled, trying to find a way out.

At her desk, Laura stretched and yawned, finally waking up. She let her legs fall to the ground and wiped her eyes, still a little tired. She looked over at the group of children and her mouth dropped.

"Hey, wait!" Maxwell and Laura both yelled. Hamtaro zapped the two cords together once again before letting them hover over Maxwell's chest.

"CLEAR!!!"

_ZAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!_

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

As the lights bright blue lights flickered before their very eyes, Stan whispered to his sister, "That kid is screwed."

"Maybe I should have brought him to a chiropractor instead," Sandy realized as she put her index finger to her cheek in thought.

"OH, BIG BROTHER BORIS, WHAT DID I DO!? WHAT DID I DOOOOOOOOO?!" Hamtaro was yelling Bijou and Pashmina unwrapped the tape and Maxwell hastily got up, staggering towards a chair. His hair was all messed up, sticking on end. He was a little burned on the forehead and cheeks and he was swaying back and forth, looking as if he was drunk.

"No! Everyone stay back!" Laura announced, throwing kids out of the way. She patted Maxwell's head and whispered, "You okay, little guy?"

Maxwell nodded and solemnly said, "I-I believe I'm fine, I just-"

Laura clasped her hands together and declared, "That's great! Now, you all leave me along while I make a phone call. No more doctor, you hear me?"

She stared at Hamtaro when she said this and Hamtaro gave a sheepish grin. Then, she whipped out her phone and started pressing the numbers rapidly until a 'Hello?' could be heard.

"Hey, Kennedy! What's up?" Laura laughed into the phone, careless of the bewildered ham-hams.

"Really? A guy named Elder-Ham fell asleep on the counter and started drooling on your paycheck? That sucks. I have to be this daycare person and take care of the little kids around here. Yeah, I know, I know. Drives you crazy doesn't it? There's this scary little fat kid in the corner who won't stop kissing his cupcake." She started to laugh hysterically into the phone, "And then, this kid tried to play doctor and shocked this other tall dude with a cable."

And with that, she walked out the door and locked it, probably going into the kitchen. Then, Stan jumped on top of a chair and yelled, "We're free!"

Then, two more kids came in, both looking away until they caught sight of:

Boss in a straightjacket, moving rapidly around to get if off.

Howdy in a straightjacket and now falling on the floor, trying to rid the moldy shirt away.

Maxwell, burned and shocked, with a little flame sparking on his head.

Oxnard making out with his cupcake.

The older looking one had black hair and black eyes. He was wearing a long sleeve black shirt and pants with an unzipped white vest on with little pockets and such. He was also carrying a tool box.

The other kid was smaller and waddled instead of walked. He had brown hair that was barely noticeable since he had a green stocking cap on his scalp. He had bright green eyes and a green jersey that said 00 on with emerald shorts. He placed his fingers on his hat as if someone was about to snatch it.

"Whoa. What happened here?" the one in black and white asked.

"It's a long story," Dexter sniffled. Hamtaro, being the idiot he was, introduced each ham, ONCE AGAIN.

"Hey, I'm Panda. And this is Cappy!" Panda said as he patted Cappy on the head. Cappy gritted his teeth at Panda and started to bite him.

"Youch! Stop it, Cappy!" But, Cappy was chasing Panda around the room now, chomping his teeth and causing Panda to crash into Oxnard. Oxnard looked away from his cupcake, frosting covering his nose and chin as he looked down at the trembling Panda. It was like a sumo wrestler in person when Panda was on the ground and as soon as Cappy got a good look at Oxnard, he bolted towards the hams. (Okay, I have nothing against Oxnard. He's just fat, ok?)

"Ain't nothing coming between me and my cupcake," Oxnard hissed. Poor Panda opened his mouth, but the words came out slurred.

"Run, Panda! Run for your life!" Cappy cried from under a table. Panda whipped out a hammer from his tool box and held it over his head, treating it like a gun as Oxnard stomped towards him.

"S-Stay back!" Panda stuttered, the ham hams just staring at the unfortunate 5-year old. Oxnard tackled Panda, scraping the wall of the beige color. The others looked away, not wanting to see the rest. Then, Panda's hammer flew up in the air and it squished Oxnard's cupcake.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Oxnard yelled, leaping off of a now half unconscious Panda and holding the remains of his cupcake. He started sobbing uncontrollably, tears seeping through the frosting. The other kids moved at least five steps away from the scene.

"Why? WHY?!" Oxnard yelled. Hamtaro walked over and placed a hand on Oxnard's shoulder.

"Don't worry, we'll hold a funeral for cupcake!" he promised. Oxnard held back a tear and fell at Hamtaro's feet sobbing, "Oh, thank you!!! Thank you!"

Hamtaro kicked Oxnard off and he went to go get the funeral settled. He picked up the cupcake, treating it like it was the most important object on the face of the earth. He carried it over to the window, everyone else following him.

"I'm sorry for this tragic loss and we hope that Cupcake will rest in peace," Hamtaro said, bowing his head as everyone did the same, Oxnard choking on his tears.

"We'll miss you," Hamtaro sighed. Then, in a flash, he threw the cupcake out of the window. He wiped his hands on Howdy's apron, treating it like a towel, and held out his arms. Howdy shot a glare at the leader of the group.

"Well? Who wants to play big city madness?" Hamtaro yelled. Everything pumped their fist in the air except for the girls, Maxwell, and Dexter.

"That is so childish," Pashmina complained.

"I agree with you, my dear Pashmina!" Dexter yelled out to her, releasing his crush on her once again. Pashmina rolled her eyes and gagged.

"Okay, well you guys go play in the corner or something," Stan jeered. Sandy immediately grabbed Maxwell upped arm and said while smiling sweetly, "Can you teach me to read, Maxwell?"

"Uh, s-sure," Maxwell said, blushing as he did so and the two walked to the corner. Stan made little kissy faces at them and the rest of the kids laughed.

"Okay, so look what I made!" Panda yelled out from the other of the room. The rest of them turned around and saw a beautiful city that Panda had been building.

"Awesome! Now we can play Hamzilla!" Stan cried out, hopping up and down on the chair as he held onto its top. Boss yelped with happiness and immediately picked up a car.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR! I'M HAMZILLA!" he yelled as he chewed on a car. Panda screamed at the sight. "NO, MOLLY! NO, NOT YOU!"

With the car still being slobbered on, Boss gave him a confused look. "Who's Molly?"

Panda looked up with watery eyes. "The one you killed!"  
Boss shrugged and threw the car to the other side of the room, hitting Howdy in the head. Howdy yelled and started storming over towards Boss.

"Why the heke did ya do that to me?" he screeched in his usual southern accent. Boss moved his shoulders up and down again and Howdy madly threw 'the mayor' at Boss's head. Panda gasped and threw his hands up in the air.

"No! Not city hall, Boss!" he shouted, but was knocked over at Boss's attempt to hit Howdy in the stomach with "City Hall". As the ham-hams, including Sandy and Maxwell, looked on, shocked and awestruck, they saw that Howdy had stuffed a tiny toy elephant down Boss's throat. Soon enough, the poor boy was turning blue and gasping for breath.

"Ha ha! What do ya think about that one right there!" Howdy cackled as he pointed and laughed at Boss who was crouched on all fours, gagging and flinching. After about five seconds of not answering, Dexter yelled, "What did you do, Howdy?"

"Nuthing, I swear!" Howdy protested, little hands in front of his face. Maxwell walked over with Sandy, his book clutched to his side. He circled around Boss, stroking his chin in thought as he did so.

"Well, taking in his symptoms, he is either a) choking or b) exploding," Maxwell stated, proudly crossing his arms as the hams looked in awe. The ham-hams, with their little known vocabulary, asked, "What's an exploding?"

Maxwell sighed and translated, "It means he's going to blow up."

It took a while for the ham-hams to get it, but they were screaming in frustration and fury as Boss's face got more maroon by the second. Hamtaro, ran into the closet and sprinted back out with his full doctor suit on. As he walked over to a hacking Boss, Laura opened the door.

"Okay, talk to you la- HOLY SHIT, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT KID?!"

She dropped her phone, staring in distress as Hamtaro checked on Boss's heartbeat.

"She said a bad word! She said a bad word! Be gone, sinner!" Stan yelled, pointing and jumping up and down.

"Wow, Boss! You must be really scared if your heart's beating that fast! It's going BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM like a machine gun!" Hamtaro yelled, oblivious that Boss's heart wasn't supposed to do that.

"What happened to him!?" Laura shrieked.

"Boss swallowed an elephant!" Panda gasped.

Cappy, looking as if he was about to pull out his hair, screamed, "HE'S GONNA 'SPLODE!"

Laura opened her mouth to speak when Hamtaro started to tackle Boss, slapping his back and punching his stomach.

"I'LL SAVE YOU! DR. HAMTARO TO THE RESCUE!" Hamtaro yelled.

"Wait! I said you couldn't play doctor!" Laura said before Boss gurgled up the plastic elephant in Bijou's hair. It was now coated in a sticky, mucus substance that no one dared to touch.

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Bijou waved her hands above her hair, screaming like a maniac as she ran around the room, the rest watching her. Howdy quickly got a broom and started smashing it in Bijou's face, knocking off the elephant, everyone screaming in the process. Then, a little rat came up, saluted the people in the room, and carried off the disgusting elephant. It was very quiet then.

"Okay, let's go outside!" Laura called out and the ham hams sprinted out the door as fast as their little legs would carry them.


	2. The Playground and Dress Up

Yes, yes I know that the last chapter was stupid and I should just give up on humor forever, but I'm doing this to pass the time, you know?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hamtaro… Who does again? That's right, the one who created it and that isn't me.

Chapter 2:

The Playground and Dress Up

"Ugh. I hate that daycare teacher. She makes me want to beat someone up… HEY, BOSS!" Hamtaro shouted towards Boss who was swinging on the monkey bars right now.

"No!" Boss called back, his brow furrowing down in frustration and he made a face at Hamtaro.

"Ah, cats," Hamtaro said as he snapped his fingers loudly. He started to move towards the swings to find that the girls took them all. They all casted dark looks at him, warning him to stay away.

"Wow, girls scare the living crap out of me," Hamtaro muttered to himself as he saw Bijou get up from her swing and stomp her foot, Pashmina and Sandy copying her expression.

"Hamtaro, maybe we should go in. It looks like it's going to rain right now," Oxnard whispered to Hamtaro. They both looked up in the sky to see that there were a few grey clouds circling up above their heads.

"Ah, it's nothing, Oxy. Just a few clouds is all!" Hamtaro reminded.

Then, Oxnard started shaking and yelled, "Funnel cake! I mean, funnel cloud!"

"Oh, come on, Oxnard. Now you're just being stupid," Stan insulted as he skated to them on his skateboard. Even through this, they all turned their heads up at the sky and saw this tiny cloud smack in the center of the sky.

"What's a funnel cloud?" Hamtaro asked as he looked back at his friends.

Stan shrugged and while Oxnard said, "It's a wormhole that opens up and sucks everything into it! Then, there's Harry Potter at the end and he makes his prisoners become his monkey slaves for all of eternity!"

Stan and Hamtaro raised their eyebrows and frowned at Oxnard, but the food loving kid protested, "Where do you think monkeys come from, then? Huh?"

Hamtaro and Stan looked at each other before screaming, "What do we do to stop the evil Harry Potter guy?!"

Oxnard took a deep breath and told them, "We have do a dance of honor and mercy to make the Harry Potter god stop his funnel magic!"

"DANCE! DANCE, FOR OUR LIVES!" Hamtaro cried and Stan jumped down on the ground to attempt the worm while Hamtaro started to do ballet.

(A/N: Okay, I'm not going to say much about Oxnard because… Well, let's just say that he was _jiggly._)

Then, Maxwell and Panda walked over, both speaking about the structure of the big slide and how to attempt the proper way of sliding on it, but stopped dead in their tracks when they caught sight of the horrifying scene.

"Is there a full moon tonight?" Panda whispered to Maxwell, his eyes burning from the disturbance to the once peaceful environment.

"I've got a better question. Are they each having a seizure?" Maxwell asked, his book over his eyes to hide the hideous moves.

"DANCE HARDER! THE CLOUD ISN'T GOING AWAY!" Hamtaro screamed. Stan was panting and started to do the Soulja Boy while Oxnard fell flat on his face from exhaustion. Hamtaro started to break dance, tottering and slipping as he tried to spin on his head.

"Whoa, what's happening to them?" Boss asked, walking over with Cappy at his side who quickly jammed his green hat over his eyes to shield him from the smallest glance.

"Maxwell says that they're having a seizure or whatever," Panda said, putting his hand over his eyes.

Maxwell smiled uneasily as Boss yelled, "I remember Maxwell was the one who said that I was going to explode!"

"Okay, I really wish to sojourn, but I really do have business and errands to attend to, so I bid you goodbye," Maxwell quickly stated and backed up as Boss cracked his knuckles and started moving towards the bookworm.

Maxwell dashed off, tripping on his shoelaces and screaming, "MOMMY! MOMMY! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

The others stared at Maxwell who sprinted off from, but quickly went back to their business.

"We're trying to calm Harry Potter down!" Hamtaro shouted as he rested for a moment while Stan was dragging his body around and Oxnard started to faint from fatigue.

"Hamtaro, I'm worried about how hard you hit your head," Boss murmured, seeing that Hamtaro was attempting the Macarena and Oxnard failing to get up.

Stan, falling next to Oxnard, whined, "I'm going to become a monkey slave now!"

Boss and Cappy backed up about five steps when Laura came over, sipping a cup of coffee.

"What are you guys doing?" she asked as she stared down at what looked like a dead Oxnard.

"We're saving our world from Harry Potter!" Hamtaro exclaimed, pumping his fist in the air, but his body plummeted down to the ground in weakness and he inhaled massive amounts of air through his lungs.

"Uh, ok. Well, as long as you're not playing that doctor game or whatever." She shrugged and was about to take another sip of coffee, but stopped when she looked down and saw that Cappy was staring wide-eyed at her.

"Can I help you?" she asked, sarcasm in her voice.

Cappy pointed at the coffee cup and demanded, "Give me that."

Laura put her index finger on his forehead and scooted him away with it, saying, "I don't think so, short dude."

Cappy stamped his foot and yelled, "I WANT IT!"

"That's too bad!" she sneered, holding the coffee cup out over his head when Cappy started jumping for it.

"BUT I WANT IT!" Cappy screamed, still hopping up and down for the coffee as Laura mocked him more and more.

"No! Coffee bad for Cappy!" Laura protested and tried to push him away from her. Cappy puffed up his cheeks and started to hold his breath and crossed his arms in frustration.

When he was turning blue, Laura snickered, "That's not going to work."

Cappy let all the air out and started breathing again, but yelled, "GIVE ME IT!"

"Why, you spoiled little-" Laura started.

Cappy ran up to Laura and kicked her in the shin with all of his might, red in the face for wanting coffee.

"OW!!!!!! SON OF A-"

While she was knocked down, Cappy took the coffee cup in his hands and chugged it all down his throat. He drained it of its content and dropped the cup, his mouth jittering and twitching. Laura rubbed her shin and started to scold Cappy for doing that, cussing in the process while everyone backed up. Hamtaro, Oxnard, and Stan had stopped trying to get the wormhole to go away and they were shaking with fright right now.

"You shouldn't do that," Panda warned her.

"You should take it back," Stan said as he crossed his arms.

Then, Cappy started to jump up and down, hands manically waving in the air. Laura stopped in the middle of her sentence to see that Cappy had started to try to hop the wall.

"LILLIAN! I'LL SAVE YOU FROM THE EVIL CHIMPANZEES!!!" Cappy yelled, kicking the wall and jumping off of it. Everyone, even Laura, started to slowly back up from the caffeine filled Cappy, whispering his or her wills to each other.

"Hey, Boss! If I make it out alive and you die, can I have your hat?" Hamtaro asked.

"No!"

"Fine, be the meanie face you are."

"_Not _the time, Hamtaro."

Cappy was now clawing the wall, yelling, "I LOVE YOU LILLIAN! DON'T WORRY, I'LL FIND THE MOTHERSHIP AND SAVE YOU!"

The crazed capped boy whirled around to see Hamtaro, Oxnard, Boss, Panda, Stan, and Laura all closed in together, eyes wide of what Cappy now was. Cappy pointed an accusing and partially shaking finger at Laura.

"Tell me where she is, you insane idiot!" he hissed, his eyes looking as if they were about to light on fire and his teeth clamped together.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…"

Cappy cracked his neck and muttered, "Looks like we're going to have do this the hard way."

One minute later…

"THIS IS WHY I HATE KIDS!!!" Laura shrieked as she hung upside down from the highest point of the playground, a rope tied around her ankles that was worn from usage. Cappy held up a pair of scissors and opened and closed them menacingly, a loud cackle of enjoyment escaping from his mouth. It was a sheer twenty-foot drop to the bottom and the blood was going to her head while all of the children were watching.

"Now, tell me… WHERE IS SHE!?" Cappy yelled as he snipped air with his weapon once again, aiming them dangerously close to the rope.

"GREEN DUDE, YOUR DEMENTED! GREEN IS THE COLOR OF PAIN… AND PINCHING ON ST. PATRICKS DAY! And how did I get up here again? OH, YEAH! A ECCENTRIC LITTLE FOUR YEAR OLD RAN UP TO ME AND TIED ME UP WITH A ROPE THAT WAS FOUND IN A DUMPSTER!"

Nearby and sitting on a bench, Hamtaro whispered to Bijou, "Do you think he went a little too far?"

"Are you kidding me? Zhis is vhat I've been vaiting for all day!" Bijou squealed excitingly as she gripped the table in excitement.

"You still talk funny!" Hamtaro giggled and received a sharp slap, knocking him off of the seat he was on.

"TAKE ME TO HER, FOUL TYRANT!" Cappy yelled as he held the scissors towards the rope.

"LET ME DOWN OR I'LL RIP OFF THAT LITTLE HAT OF YOURS AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR SPLEEN!!! Laura screamed, frantically trying to untie herself.

"DIE!!!" Cappy howled as he cut the rope and sent her flying down to the ground.

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Everyone flinched as she hit the ground and Hamtaro checked on her to say, "I think she's dead!"

Suddenly, a hand whipped out and grabbed Hamtaro's ankle, tripping him and he screamed, "ZOMBIE!!! SHE GOT ME! I'M GONNA DIE!!! SHE'S GONNA KILL ME! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!! HOLY CRAP, MY LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES!"

Every kid shrieked at the scene of Hamtaro being dragged by Laura across the playground towards them and they all ran inside with Boss carrying Cappy over his shoulder. Cappy, being the blockhead he now was, screeched, "WHAT DID YOU MAD PEOPLE TO DO HER?!"

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Laura released the grip on Hamtaro and went over to her desk, glaring at every little kid. Each one was silent except for Cappy who was singing "I'm a Little Teapot" and doing somersaults.

"What are we going to do now?" Pashmina whispered as the group when they huddled together.

"Okay, we take a glue bottle and tie it to a spatula. Next, we'll set Dexter up for bait and we'll smack the day care lady into the next dimension and party till we're purple!" Stan said, slapping his hands together in pride.

Everyone stared at him for a long time before Boss said quietly, "I think she means what we're going to play."

"Drat, I like spatulas," Stan muttered.

Then, Bijou burst out, "Let's play dress up!"

All the kids nodded their heads except for Cappy who was doing a disturbing dance that was most likely copied off of Hamtaro earlier.

"I think that we'll leave him, like, out," Sandy whispered to the others.

"But how are we gonna distract that lady fer us to play?" Howdy wondered.

"Observe this!" Maxwell cheered.

Once again, he got a puzzled stare for use of his vocabulary and he sighed, "Just watch me do this."

Maxwell trotted over to Laura who was watching at him the entire time, her face showing pure hatred towards the him and the others.

Maxwell cleared his voice and then spoke in an official tone, "Code blue in the north wing closet."

Laura bolted right up and knocked her chair away, sprinting for the door. She yanked the handle to open the door and quickly locked it while the hams could hear her scream, "THIS IS WHY I JOINED THE FORCE!"

Everyone looked in awe at Maxwell who blew on his knuckles, treating it like it was a gun and Hamtaro yelled, "Whoa! How'd you do that!?"

"Yeah, what does 'Code Blue' mean?" Dexter asked.

Maxwell stopped smiling and replied, "You don't want to know."

"Well, whatever! We're free!" Panda clapped his hands as he said it and they all ran into the closet where there were all the costumes. There were dresses and lab coats (Where Hamtaro had retrieved his famous doctor outfit.), crowns and gloves of all sorts. It was as if it was a mini wonderland that was filled with junk instead of candy. Bijou quickly picked out a long feather boa and wrapped it around her neck, but Cappy, from the other room, ran into the closet and stole the feather boa.

"THIS IS GOING TO ELIMINATE GENERAL BANANA JR. FOR SURE! I'M COMING, LILLIAN! YOU CAPPY IS COMING FOR YOU!" Cappy yelled and ran out of the storage area.

"Argh! 'E stole my fluffy scarf!" Bijou cried out.

"MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!" A voice called from the main room, frightening the children and making them jump up.

"I know! Let's play the Powerpuff Girls!" Pashmina yipped and everyone except Bijou looked at her as if she was insane.

"That's stupid," Sandy complained. Pashmina shot her a glare and Sandy put both her hands up in the air, acting as if she was innocent.

"You're going to play with us! NOW!" Pashmina roared, stunning Boss and Panda next to her. Bijou reluctantly nodded, a little nervous of Pashmina's outburst. Sandy shuddered at the sound, but couldn't speak when Pashmina dragged her into a green dress.

"NOW YOU'RE BUTTERCUP LIKE IT OR NOT!" Pashmina yelled into Sandy's ear.

"Sir, yes, sir!" Sandy saluted Pashmina and the scarf-wearing girl gave an angry look at the blonde.

"Uh, I mean… MA'AM, YES, MA'AM!" Sandy shouted.

"Good, now move out!" Pashmina demanded and Bijou and Sandy marched out like soldiers. Pashmina quickly followed them, leaving the boys with nothing to do to.

"So, what should we do? They left us out," Boss pouted.

"Well, I suggest courses to ensure our capability of literature led by yours truly for a positive lifetime affect on our education and occupations," Maxwell said and cowered from the stares he got.

"Gee, Max, that would be good… IF WE EVER KNEW WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT!" Boss yelped into Maxwell's ear.

"It's not my fault that you guys are uneducated and illiterate!" Maxwell cried.

"Ah, just shut up, book boy," Howdy hissed, stepping on Maxwell's foot. Maxwell gave a small wail of pain, but remained silent.

"Okay, well I thought that we could make fun of the girls 'cuz they just are annoying me!" Stan whispered. "Like the time that Sandy had took my Kool-Aid! And when she ripped up my Mr. MooMoo-"

"Wait, you had a Mr. MooMoo?" Dexter asked and everyone stared hungrily at Stan for information.

"You idiot!" Stan stated.

"Oh, good. I was about to say-" Howdy cackled.

"HIS NAME WAS MR. JICKLEPEEDON ARSUAWA MOOMOO!" Stan shouted, evilly laughing as he did so. Everyone stared blankly at the boy.

"Oooooooookay, well, as much as I hate to say this, let's go with Stan's idea. Pashmina just scares the heke out of me," Panda said and murmurs of agreement were heard throughout the entire place.

"Wait, what exactly are we doing? Making fun of them girls? How the heke are we supposed to do that!?" Howdy asked furiously. Stan woke up from his evil trance and turned to the boys.

"Like this," he breathed and started stuffing his face in the bin where the costumes were.

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"No, no, Sandy! What's wrong with you?" Pashmina criticized and wagged her index finger back and forth and Sandy got down from the table she was on.

"What? It's not like I can fly, you know," Sandy huffed and folded her arms across her chest. Pashmina's face lit up with excitement and Bijou started to move her hand swiftly across her neck to Sandy, which meant that she was a goner.

"Let's make you fly!" Pashmina squealed. She grabbed Sandy's wrist and hurled her at the bookshelf. Meanwhile, Bijou had cupped her hands over her sapphire eyes, not wanting to see this.

"Like, what are you going to do to me?" Sandy squeaked. Pashmina didn't answer, but instead began to collect the books and pile them on top of her left arm. She walked a couple of steps away and left Sandy standing in front of the chalkboard.

"Okay, this is your test to see if your flying is good or not!" Pashmina declared. "I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What is it?"

Sandy scratched the back of her skull and silently postulated, "34?"

"Wrong!" Pashmina threw the book with all of her might at Sandy's face, but ending up hitting the chalkboard a few inches away. The book binding cracked and fell to the ground with a _thump._

At the moment Pashmina threw the book, the boys trotted in, not wanting to see Stan get ready for his show. They watched open mouthed at how hard Pashmina threw while Maxwell got down on his knees, sobbing and yelling at the ceiling.

"OH, THE INHUMANITY! THE MONSTRONSOTY! HOW WILL YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT WITH YOUR DISPCIABLE HATRED!?" he shouted and pointed a shaking finger at Pashmina. The boys all wove around him and just stared the closet where Stan was, waiting for Stan's plan to go into effect. Bijou, Pashmina, and Sandy just stared blankly at them before bursting into laughter.

"Are you guys mental? What the heke do you think that you're doing, breaking in on my game?" Pashmina questioned, hands on her hips.

"Because the Stan Man is going to show you amateurs how you girls on getting on my nerves!"

Before anyone could say anything, Stan popped out of the closet and everyone gaped at his apparel. He had on a pink scarf and a pink dress over his clothes. He had on a full face of makeup with lip gloss and blue eye shadow and blush. He also had white gloves on that reached his elbows and high heels that he teetered and tottered in.

"OMG! Did you hear about Danny and Erica?" Stan squeaked in a ridiculously high-pitched voice, waving his arms around the room. It was very quiet after that.

"What are you trying to do?" Pashmina yelled after a moment of silence. Stan shakily walked over and got up in her face.

"Well, I'll tell you something,_ girlfriend_," Stan yipped in his voice while head nodding and snapping like his sister used to do. "We're fed up of your controlling! From now on, you're going to follow _us._"

The girls looked at one another before breaking into hoots of laughter.

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever seen!" Sandy giggled, clutching her throat as she tried to sound steady. Bijou fell on the floor and started to slap her hands on the ground, tears gushing down her cheeks while Pashmina looked on in amusement.

"Fine! Then, go! Leave us alone!" Stan scowled as ripped off a glove, frustrated that his plan didn't go as hoped.

"Fine! I'm going! And I'm taking my dignity with me!" Pashmina sneered.

She walked over to Sandy, grabbed her wrist, and dragged her to the other side of the room.

"C'mon dignity," Pashmina hissed as she led a complaining Sandy to the wall.

"Okay, bye, Pashmina and her dignity," Hamtaro said as he waved goodbye to get a slap in the back of the head from Stan's glove. Then, the door opened again to see Laura leading another person through the door.

"Yeah, and then I accidently spilled on my Juicy Juice on her lap and I was laughing so hard!" Laura chortled, not bothering to look inside and just looked at her friend. The stranger had almost the shame shade of brown hair as Laura's and it was tied into a ponytail. She had teal eyes and was wearing a Subway uniform. The newcomer peered inside and her face scrunched up in confusion.

"Shouldn't you be concerned about the kid who's practicing his Madonna look?" she asked quizzically at Laura. Laura, still dazed with what looked like laughing, hastily turned her head to see Stan before whipping to her friend.

"Oh, my gosh, no! He's obviously trying to act like Paris Hilton!" she gasped and waved her hand in shame at her friend's ignorance. Then, Stan tripped over his heels and started to move around in a circle on the ground in a hurry to get up. It was kind of disturbing to everyone in the room.

Both girls turned their heads at the same time and chorused, "Lindsay Lohan." (A/N: Okay, that really IS what my friend and I do. It's so funny!)

There was an awkward silence for a while before Laura whipped around to finally realize what Stan was wearing and covered her face. "Holy crow, I have to babysit gay kids now!?"

"Heke? What does that mean?" Hamtaro asked.

"Kid, you're too young to understand," Laura growled as she glared at him.

"Oh! This is one of the topics when I have to go out of the room and start singing the alphabet song while you go talk about it, right?" Hamtaro lamely guessed. Laura slapped her forehead before gesturing an inviting hand towards her friend when Cappy popped his head in their faces from the kitchen.

His eyes lit up with happiness and started to clap his hands together. Cappy started to hop up and down while he screamed, "MISSION COMPLETED! MISSION COMPLETED! YOU HEAR THAT STAR COMMAND? WE HAVE FOUND THE GIRL! I REPEAT, WE HAVE FOUND HER!"

"Whoa, what's with the fuzzy head kid?" Laura's friend inquired and cocked her head at Cappy who was unable to control his emotions as of now.

"It's a long story," Laura sighed and hung her head down. "You may want to run now, though."

She pointed towards a dancing Cappy while she covered her eyes in an attempt to not see the upcoming events.

"Wait, why-" Laura's friend started, but was tackled in the leg by an ecstatic Cappy who hung onto the jeans of the newcomer.

"LILLIAN! I FOUND YOU!" he shrilled and started to squeeze her left leg.

"AGH! WHAT IS THIS THING DOING ON MY LEG!?" the stranger shrieked while waving her arms in the air.

"You might want to run now, Kennedy," Laura suggested while the others slowly nodded their heads in agreement.

Kennedy was about to say something when Cappy started yelling, "I LOVE YOU!"

"RUN! RUN IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!" Howdy screamed. Kennedy quickly took his advice and brutally kicked Cappy out of her personal bubble.

"NO! WE CAN STILL WORK IT OUT!" Cappy yelled and pounded his fists onto he ground while Kennedy frantically tried to run back to her workplace. Then, out of thin air, the song "Baby, Come Back to Me" played in the background, but was quickly silenced by Dexter who walked over to a radio and shut the music off as he slammed his fist, crumbling it into pieces.

"I hate that song," Dexter muttered.

Cappy ran out into the hallway and started to try to serenade the girl with the same song, but was whipped away by Laura. Cappy was thrashing around as he was herded towards the waiting children.

"SHE LEFT ME! SHE LEFT ME! I'LL GET MY REVENGE!" Cappy wailed and burst into tears as he banged his head against a wall. Laura let the murderous look on her face disappear and then swung around to face Hamtaro.

"Dr. Hamtaro, do you still have one of those straightjackets?"

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Well, that really wasn't funny, but I thought he beginning was. Read and review, ok people? And a big thanks to SoftballStar (aka Kennedy. ROFL!) for "fishing" (Don't ask… Just replace the word with "editing") my first chapter! You're awesome! The people who reviewed last chapter are AWSOME and thanks so much for saying that they were funny.

The Fan Reader: You couldn't breathe at the end?! Wow, I'm… sorry…? But, I'm glad you enjoyed this and I PROMISE that I'll update some of my older stories.

ChargingFowardBlind: Thanks for all of the examples of what you thought was funny. You're awesome!

Chimpmunk4ever: Don't you worry! Like I said earlier, I WILL be updating my older stories in about a week. Definitely Ribbons of Change, Ham Ham High School, and maybe even Hamtaro the Brave. Hang in there!

BabyBlueHamster: Totally awesome with the quotes like CFB did! I love the specifics and I hope you enjoy the rest of what my idiot mind can give you.


	3. The Game of Hunting

Hey! You guys don't know how pumped I am to write this one because it totally unleashes my kid side. Sorry that it only focuses mainly on Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan, but I felt that it fit a little more. Plus, I'll let the others have the spotlight in the other chapters so I'm sorry if you hate Maxwell, Sandy, or Stan.

Disclaimer: FYI! No one owns Hamtaro in the Hamtaro section so does that make me the creator of it? No, I don't think so and I don't own Hamtaro or any of its characters. Same with Looney Tunes. This story is based on three of my favorite Looney Tunes episodes.

Warning: This chapter DOES involve fake guns, continuously tormenting Maxwell, and totally distressing Sandy while Stan is the smart one. (That's a new one, right?) It IS based on Looney Tunes and if you don't like the show, then go jump off a cliff.

A thanks to all of my reviewers! This chapter is dedicated to **BabyBlueHamster** for all of the support! And don't worry, **ChargingFowardBlind**, **The Fanfic Reader**, and **Chipmunk4ever**. You'll get your dedication in later chapters!

So, here it is!

Chapter 3:

The Game of Hunting

Sandy sighed as she held up her head with her hands, her eyes drifting towards the window as if she wanted to just jump of out it to get out of this place. Everyone was doing something cool, playing some kind of game like wrestling, but Stan wouldn't allow Sandy to play. It was too boring for her and the only thing that she could do now was color. Her hands were sore already and the drawing didn't look very good so she had given up a few minutes ago. She lazily watched Hamtaro run over to Laura, gripping a crumpled piece of paper.

"Look! I drew a picture of you!" he exclaimed and shoved the paper in Laura's face. It looked like a hairy Cheeto, but with eyes.

"What the heck!? That does NOT look like me!" she protested, her eyes glued on the paper in disgust.

"I didn't say that it had to look good." Hamtaro smiled at his words, not knowing the upcoming consequences. Laura ripped up the paper, furiously tearing each crayon mark and then stuffed it into her desk drawer before grabbing Hamtaro's ear.

"OW!!! Geez, you're MEAN! It was a good picture and it was really realistic! You shouldn't bring down my dreams! You'll get in trouble with my cousins 'cuz their dreams are for one day for me to perish. Whatever that means," Hamtaro screeched as he was led out of the room. However, unknown to the ham hams, Laura forgot to lock the door when she exited the room with a whiny kid at her side.

"So we're free… Again!" Stan cried out after he finished his headlock on Dexter.

"Will ya stop sayin' that?" Howdy snorted.

"I'll say I will, but I won't," Stan replied smugly.

"Vell, vhat are vee supposed to do now?" Bijou questioned. "Without 'Amtaro, vee cannot 'ave any fun!"

"Well, I don't know about you dudes and dudets, but I'm going to play cars with my sis," Stan said and turned to Sandy.

"But I have to teach Sandy how to read," Maxwell objected as he walked over to Stan. "I promised her, you know."

Stan stepped up to Maxwell despite how short he was compared to the bookworm. The kids shuffled in discomfort at the tension between the two of them, but remained silent as they watched the new stars of this chapter warm up with their beginning arguments.

"She's my sis so that means that she gets to play with me first!" Stan hissed.

"But she already told me that I'd get to read to her," demurred Maxwell, using hand gestures to explain his point of view.

"But she's my own blood!"

"But she wants to spend time with me!"

"She wants to spend time with me, book brain!"

"Me!"

"Me!"

"ME!"

"ME!"

"ENOUGH!!!"

All heads turned to a red Pashmina who scolded, "Be quiet! You guys are starting to act like Dexter and Howdy now."

"Is that supposed to be good?" Dexter asked while scratching the back of his head.

"_No_. And that's exactly why I don't pay any attention to you!" Pashmina chastened. Dexter and Howdy looked at one another in disbelief and then both stared at Pashmina with big puppy eyes, eyes watering for dramatic effect.

"But we _love _you-" Howdy started before he was quickly silenced by one of the books that Pashmina was carrying.

"Do you want some of my textbook fury?!" Pashmina roared at Dexter.

"No, I'm quite fine actually," the gray haired boy hiccupped and twitched at seeing Howdy lying on the floor.

Everyone looked at Pashmina for a long time before Stan pouted. "So sis, like who are you going to choose to play with?"

All eyes quickly were set on Sandy who leaned back a little in fright. She went red in the face as she admitted, "I don't really care who I, like, play with."

Maxwell and Stan both were helpless and didn't have any ideas until Panda announced, "Hey, you could do some hunting!"

All the others stared in disbelief at Panda's suggestion. However, the carpenter didn't seem to back down and was proud of his suggestion as he proudly puffed out his chest.

"I just made this new gun! It has bullets and everything. When you fire, all this smoke comes out," Panda declared while smiling widely. A ringing of "ooh's" and "ahh's" came from the boys of the party, but the girls begged to differ.

"You mean that you're going to shoot someone?!" Pashmina gasped.

"Dat is… so... stupid!" Bijou exclaimed as she waved her arms up into the air in sheer disbelief of the idea.

"Don't worry. The bullets are real soft like foam so they don't hurt. Just the smoke is bad. It kind of stings when it hits your face, but what are the odds of that?" Panda claimed. While the boys erupted in a round of cheers, the girls stayed in their positions and stared in skepticism at the scene.

"But 'ow is dat going to 'elp Sandy?" Bijou asked. Panda only grinned wider at her question.

"Simple. We just have Sandy use the gun against Maxwell and Stan and shoot them. Whoever is shot the most loses and the other can play with Sandy," Panda reasoned and crossed his arms while he lifted his head up in the air pompously.

Murmurs of agreement were heard except for Maxwell and the twins who had a look of sheer confusion on their faces.

"I have to _shoot _them?" Sandy said in awe.

"We have to get _shot_?" Maxwell and Stan inquired in unison.

"A-are you s-sure that's s-safe?" Cappy said quickly, the coffee taking it's toll on him enough to make him stutter in unusually quick sentences.

Panda bobbed his head up and down happily while everyone slowly agreed to the plan.

"So, Maxwell, you get to be a duck." Panda jammed a visor that had a duck's bill and eyes on it onto Maxwell's head. "And Stan is a rabbit." Panda quickly plopped a headband onto Stan's head who jumped in distaste.

"Dude! This is so gay! I don't want to wear a headband," Stan complained. "It was bad enough that I had to wear a dress before. Now I have to wear this stupid girly stuff."

_SLAP!!!_

"AGH! What the heke was that for?!" Stan asked disdainfully as he rubbed his arm. It was extremely pink except in the middle where Bijou had hit him.

"And I thought Pashmina was violent enough," Boss murmured to Oxnard when Bijou started to cuss Stan out in French.

"Stop it! Let's just continue with the game!" Panda ran over to his toolbox and pulled out a small gun and handed it to Sandy who yelped at the sight of it.

"Like, why are there nails in this thing?!" Sandy yipped as she was pricked again from the sharpness of a nail near the trigger.

"Are you insane?! My parents would never trust me with nails and a hammer, so I had to sneak into the cabinet real fast to nail it together!" Panda explained when Sandy gave another painful screech.

"Jeez, man. How the heck do you even have a toolbox then?" Boss questioned.

Panda only looked away and started to hit his head on the wall, muttering, "They'll never catch me. The popo would never come after me. Never. That's right, Panda, stay together."

"Did he just say that the _pope _is going to get him?" Maxwell asked shakily.

"I thought he said the poop!" Howdy snickered while Panda shot him a spine tingling glance.

"Geez, can't take a joke," Howdy muttered.

"Stop it! Just continue on with this!" Dexter snapped to receive a kick in the spot from Howdy.

"Why don't you continue with what manliness you have left?" Howdy sniggered when Dexter fell to the ground, tears emerging out of his eyes.

"He doesn't have any man left in him! Howdy just kicked it into the next century!" Stan laughed and Howdy joined in while Dexter tried to get up, but failed in the attempt.

"Don't we need to get this going?" Oxnard questioned the others.

Panda trotted to the kids and clapped his hands together. "Sure! The three of you, get out of here. Remember that Sandy's the ref of this, got it? But whatever you guys say to her, she must do. Make it an argument about rabbit or duck season, ok?"

Without another word, the kids grabbed Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan's wrists and threw them out of the room since it was unlocked thanks to the irresponsibility of the daycare leader. They quickly waved goodbye at the same time and then shut the door smack in their faces.

"So, what am I supposed to do?" Sandy questioned as she struggled to get a hold of her weapon.

"That Panda dude said something about rabbit and duck season," Stan started slowly as he looked at one of his ears.

"I'm guessing that he meant that Sandy's going to shoot whoever admits that it's rabbit season or duck season. Or whoever admits that they're going to get shot," Maxwell lamely guessed, but it was what they had to go for. Stan and Maxwell shook hands while Sandy looked on in disbelief that she had to shoot one of them.

_It totally doesn't seem right… But it feels so GOOD! _she thought as she evilly grinned.

She set up her gun as Maxwell and Stan turned to face her.

This was going to be fun.

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"What's up, dude? Why are you pointing that gun at me? Like, it's duck season, not rabbit season," Stan calmly said as he tossed aside Sandy's gun pointing at his face.

"THAT is an elaborate fabrication!" Maxwell shouted as he ran towards the two from his hiding spot with his arm protruding in the air to prove his point. (A/N: Okay, that was AMAZING alliteration by me. On with this story."

"It is RABBIT season, not duck season!" Maxwell argued into Stan's face.

"It's duck season, brain boy," Stan said, unusually controlled and calm. (A/N: You know this is going to be a disaster…)

"Rabbit season!" Maxwell spat in his face. Even though he wasn't as calm as his rival, he _was _smarter than Stan by a mile, so how could he lose?

"Duck season!" Stan smirked, knowing his little trick.

"RABBIT SEASON!"

"DUCK SEASON!"

"RABBIT SEASON!"

"RABBIT SEASON!" Stan almost cracked up when he reversed the flow of the argument.

"DUCK SEASON!" Maxwell yelled, not paying attention to his fatal mistake.

"RABBIT SEASON!" Stan hollered.

"I say its duck season! And I say _**FIRE!!!**_" Maxwell shouted and pointed the gun at himself.

_**POW!!!**_

"Whoa. I didn't mean to hurt you that much, Maxy," Sandy said in disbelief as she covered her mouth, awestruck that Maxwell was trying to clear out the smoke from his head.

Instead of answering, Maxwell whispered hoarsely to Stan, "Let's try that again."

"Okay!" Stan cheered, happy as could be. He swayed on his feet, smiling the entire time while Maxwell cast dark looks at him. Sandy just stood there, looking like an idiot.

"Rabbit season," Maxwell slowly said as he pushed the gun that Sandy held to Stan's face.

"Duck season." Stan gently placed the front of the gun in front of Maxwell's nose.

"Rabbit season!" Maxwell screeched and threw the gun at Stan's face.

"Duck season!"

"Rabbit season!"

"Rabbit season!" Sandy was about to point out what Stan had done, but Maxwell just kept quarreling.

"Duck season! _**FIRE!!!**_"

_**POW!!!**_

"He's too easy to fool," Stan sighed and put his hand to his forehead dramatically while Maxwell coughed some more.

"This time, _you _start it," Maxwell said icily.

"Okay! RABBIT!" Stan yelled happily as he pointed the gun at himself.

"DUCK! _**FIRE!!!**_"

_**POW!!!!**_

"Sweet mother of mercy, where did I go wrong?" Maxwell asked to the ceiling after the smoke cleared. Stan and Sandy hacked up everything that was stuffed down their lungs before they looked at each other.

"Panda wasn't lying when he said that the smoke was that bad," Stan sniffled as he gripped his nostrils to not smell the smoke.

"Totally. But, which one am I supposed to shoot? You totally tricked Maxwell, so is it rabbit season or duck season?" Sandy was quick with her questions.

"I'm sorry, Max! Look, it really is rabbit season and I'm a rabbit," Stan said modestly as he helped Maxwell to his feet. Maxwell, however a little confused by Stan's generosity, kept his mouth shut. He had to admit that he was scared to be shot again. The last foamy bullet almost hit his mouth, but he was too astonished to ever say anything.

"So would you like to shoot me now or wait till we get to the room?" Stan asked politely to his sister.

"Shoot him now! Shoot him now!" Maxwell raised a finger to Stan's face and manically yelled it, showing no apologies for Stan's actions.

"You butt out, she doesn't have to shoot you now."

"She does too have to shoot me now!" Maxwell whisked around to face Sandy. "So shoot me now!"

_**POW!!!**_

An enormous amount of smoke erupted from the gun into Maxwell's face and Stan laughed a little at Maxwell's shocked face.

"Let's run through that again," Maxwell said as he wiped the black stuff from his forehead off.

"Okay!" Stan buzzed. Maxwell sighed and closed his eyes, looking as if he was having a headache.

"So would you like to shoot me now or wait till we get to the room?" Stan recited.

"Shoot him now. Shoot him now," Maxwell recalled in a robotic tone while he remembered what they had said earlier.

"You butt out, she doesn't have to shoot you now."

"EUREKA! Incorrect pronoun usage!" Maxwell declared to get a few of strange stares from his companions. The bookworm smiled at his brilliance, smug that he could get this many confused looks.

"It's not she doesn't have to shoot YOU now… It's said like she doesn't have to shoot ME now." Maxwell waited a moment before he let his temper get the best of him. "WELL, I SAY THAT SHE _DOES_ HAVE TO SHOOT ME NOW!"

He ran furiously up to Sandy and, while waving his arms around, shouted, "SO SHOOT ME NOW!"

_**POW!!!**_

As soon as the cloud disappeared, Maxwell grabbed Stan by the collar, his hands shaking in fury. He opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't find the words and was left in the same position as the seconds ticked by.

"Yes?" Stan mocked as there was an awkward silence ceased upon them. Maxwell had nothing to say, but opened his mouth even wider to find himself shaking his head wildly back and forth.

"Oh, no you don't. Not again," Maxwell sighed as he tightened his duck visor on his head. He turned around to see Sandy and walked to her.

"Wait till you get me to the room," Maxwell said with a fake smile and Sandy led him to the daycare room.

_**POW!!!**_

Maxwell staggered over to Stan who was leaning against a wall near the water fountain, smirking at Maxwell whose face was completely black from the gunpowder. Maxwell leaned in towards him, hatred imprinted in his eyes as his hands shook with rage and he hissed two words.

"You're despicable."

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"This is sure to get Stan to come out from his hiding place!" Maxwell cackled as he whipped his binoculars out. He noticed that Stan was hiding behind the trashcan and Sandy was bound to come around the corner soon. His plan was so perfect, so foolproof, that a child prodigy could do it! (A/N: Between you and me, a child prodigy is a young kid who had AMAZING talent with the smarts of Maxwell, so you have to get that this plan is pretty hard to execute. Enough of my yapping, on with the chapter, so I decree!)

"Stan! Phone call for you!" Maxwell called out as he cupped his hands around his mouth and quickly ran out of sight.

"Yeah, dude?" Stan said as he popped his head out from behind the trashcan to see that no one was there.

"That's strange, I could have sworn that Maxwell called me over," Stan said to notice that there was a box of cookies over to the right. They looked real good to him, with the crispy outside and chewy inside while there were creamy chocolate chips scattered around in the dough. It was enough to make him race over to the box when Sandy popped her head around the corner and caught sight of the box.

"Oh no!" Maxwell groaned as he watched the scenario unfold. Stan and Sandy were both making a mad dash for the sweets when they collided together about a foot in front of the box.

"Stan! It's mine!" Sandy shrieked and made a grab for the box.

"No way, Sands! Give me the box!" Stan yelled and grabbed half of the box and they both started tugging and tugging on it.

"It's rabbit season! I'll give you a cookie if you shoot the rabbit!" Maxwell called out as he approached the two, not very pleased that this wasn't how his plan supposed to go.

"_That's _what this is about?" Sandy gasped.

"Dude! I thought it was for the cookies!" Stan yelled.

"Are you kidding me? I just put that out for my plan," Maxwell said. Stan and Sandy just looked at each other before slamming the cookie box to the ground.

"Hey, sis. You know it's rabbit season, right?" Stan said calmly and Sandy bobbed her head up and down.

"Yeah! It _is _rabbit season! So shoot," Maxwell said, pleased that his plan was going in action. It took a turn when Sandy, filled with anger that Maxwell had tricked her and didn't give her one cookie, pointed the gun at Maxwell's forehead.

"Not again," Maxwell meekly whimpered.

_**POW!!!**_

"Well, since it's rabbit season and if he was a rabbit, what would you do, sis?" Stan asked when he stared at Maxwell's constant rubbing on his cheeks and eyes.

"Yeah! If I was a rabbit, what would you do?" Maxwell agreed to Stan's question to get his final answer.

"Well, I'd do this," Sandy simply said.

_**POW!!!**_

"You get back here, Maxwell! You owe me, like, a cookie!" Sandy roared as she got in her position to shoot and clicked to the trigger to find that her weapon didn't fire anything.

"Huh. I guess there's, like, no more bullets," Sandy said aloud.

"No more bullets? Hey, brain boy! No more bullets," Stan confirmed to Maxwell. Maxwell popped his head out from the corner of the wall and was overjoyed that this was all over.

"No more bullets?" Maxwell asked when he ran over.

"No more bullets," the twins said together as Maxwell seized the gun.

"Let me see this-"

_**POW!!!**_

"Oh, look! Like, there was one bullet left!" Sandy realized when she looked into Maxwell's blank eyes.

"One bullet left? Hey, brain boy, there was-"

"I KNOW, I KNOW!!!" Maxwell boomed and hurled the gun back at Sandy. She refilled it from the package of foamy bullets she got from Panda to the dismay of some of the others in the hallway. Maxwell pouted, gagging at the fact that he was losing in this game. But, his brain hatched another scheme when Stan left for a while then came waltzing back with a picture that looked like a duck getting shot. Everyone got the message that Stan said it was duck season. Maxwell quickly made a bolt for the costume closet and came back with a pair of bunny ears and a carrot in his hands.

"Hey there, you find any ducks yet? It's duck season, you know," Maxwell chimed to Sandy.

"Just wait a second there, what is this duck season stuff?" Stan came just as fast as Maxwell did, but with a duckbill on his face and tail feathers on his rear.

"Well, it says so on that sign right there, smart one," Maxwell replied and jabbed his thumb at the sign.

To Maxwell's luck, there was now drawn a rabbit getting shot.

"Well, go ahead and shoot!" Maxwell snapped impatiently at Sandy. She shrugged and aimed her gun at Maxwell

_**POW!!!**_

The blast knocked off Maxwell's duck visor and the hate soared above their heads and landed in a fish's aquarium that was placed in a room nearby. The twins just looked on as Maxwell paced himself to the aquarium, stuck his hand in, and retrieved his visor. He hastily put it back on his head, the bill of the duck flopping down onto his nose when he wobbled over to them, shoving Sandy out of the way.

"You're despicable," he spat at a smirking Stan.

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"Yes, you're despicable. And… And pickable… and… despicable! How in the world someone could get so despicable… is… is beyond me! It's not like I've met a lot of people, you know. But, it's certainly true that you're the most despicable person in the entire world. And I… I…." Maxwell stopped in the stop of his criticizing when he saw that Stan had grabbed a book called "100 Ways to Cook Duck", but put it upside down. His eyes were skittering every word as he pretended to read. Finally, he licked his lips as he showed Maxwell the page, making his voice so loud that Sandy came around the corner.

"Yummy, yum. Steamed duck served with… Um, cookies!" Stan came up with cookies because he didn't like the broccoli in the picture.

Maxwell quickly grabbed a book that said "100 Ways to Cook Rabbit" and flipped to the first page, actually being able to read.

"Stuffed rabbit stuffed brazed in carrot juice. Oh, drool, drool," Maxwell said as he clicked his tongue when he turned to face Sandy who smiled at the both of them.

"Sorry, dudes, but I'm just doing this for like, fun!" she cheered while she flashed them a brilliant smile.

"Well, you shouldn't be doing this for fun!" Stan protested.

"For once, I agree with him!" Maxwell said. "I don't want what's left of my brain to be blasted away!"

"Whatever. But, I'm going to shoot Stan because I like, feel bad for Maxy since he totally is getting pounded." She paused for a moment, kept in thought. "Like, I'm a real good shooter, huh?"

"For shame! Don't you even dare to try to shoot a Yacamesse rabbit, sister." Stan wagged his finger in front of Sandy, showing his disappointment while Maxwell looked on in shock.

"A _what _rabbit?" Sandy asked in disbelief.

"A Yacamesse rabbit. You try to shoot one without a license and you'll be in the jailhouse faster than you can say 'duck season'."

"Oh, I'm really sorry!" Sandy gasped and turned away to find that Maxwell was standing in front of her, with a stare that sent shivers down her spine.

"Oh, _please_. There is no such thing as a Yacamesse rabbit! So shoot him!" he sneered.

"But I don't have a Yacamesse rabbit license," Sandy complained. Maxwell slapped his forehead and quickly excused himself to come back with a piece of paper and pen in his hands.

"This states that Sandy is allowed to shoot a Yaca- Hey, buddy, how do you spell Yacamesse rabbit?" Maxwell asked Stan.

"Here, give me the paper," Stan said and took hold of the paper. Instead of a rabbit, he drew a duck getting shot.

"Here. Well, hurry up! Shoot already!" Maxwell barked when forced the sheet of paper into her arms.

Sandy looked back and forth from the paper and Maxwell before she just threw it in front of her and aimed her gun at Maxwell. Realizing that she wasn't aiming at Stan, Maxwell squeaked, "Mommy."

_**POW!!!**_

"Let me see that!" Maxwell demanded and grabbed the paper, not even bothering to rid the dust on his face while he scanned the paper.

"This states that Sandy is allowed to shoot a Yacamesse duck… Blah, blah, blah." Maxwell looked up and sighed. "Well, I'm the goat.

As if on cue, Stan held up a sign that showed a goat getting shot by a gun and caught the attention of Sandy who centered her weapon on the back of Maxwell's head.

_**POW!!!**_

Huffing and puffing, Maxwell stumbled to Stan.

"You're a dirty dog. A dirty, slobbery dog," Maxwell insulted through clamped teeth.

"And you are a dirty skunk," Stan retorted coolly.

"_I'm _a dirty skunk?! _I'M _A DIRTY SKUNK?!"

Quickly, Stan held up a poster that showed a picture of a skunk getting shot.

_**POW!!!**_

"Pffft. Well, I'll be a pigeon," Maxwell grumbled as Stan fluttered a picture of a pigeon getting shot in Sandy's face.

_**POW!!!!**_

"That's enough of that!" Maxwell cried.

_**POW!!!**_

"That was by accident, cross my heart and hope to die," Sandy protested, hands in front of her face at Maxwell's murderous glare at her.

"She's dead," Stan simply said.

Maxwell nearly slapped himself, but calmed down and grabbed Sandy's hand, leading her into another room to make his announcement. They talked for a while before Maxwell asked, "So what's going to happen?"

"Since I'm the hunter, I'm going to shoot a rabbit because it's rabbit season," Sandy remembered, in the exact words that Maxwell had stated.

"AND THERE'S A RABBIT! SHOOT HIM, SHOOT HIM!" Maxwell yelped as he hurled her at the place where Stan was sitting. There was a loud crack of the gun to find that there was just a jelly substance on the floor in the spot where Stan was placed.

"HOLY CROW! I think he melted!" Sandy shrieked, disgusted at the sight. "My parents are going to KILL me for this! And Stan didn't even give me back my MP3 that he said he would give me!"

"Hey, what's up, dudes? How are things going on Earth?" Stan asked in an angel costume that he somehow found. It had the halo and white gown, everything basically.

"Aw, bro. I hope I didn't hurt you too much when I killed you," Sandy apologized shyly.

"HAVE YOU GONE NUTS?! IF HE'S DEAD, THEN I'M A MONGOOSE!" Maxwell hollered.

Quick as ever, Stan held up a sign of a poorly drawn mongoose and Sandy obeyed his command.

_**POW!!!**_

Maxwell, walking carefully over to Stan and nostrils flaring, wiped his eyes to get rid of the black around them. He faced Stan and snarled, "You're despicable."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sniffling and half blinded by tears, Maxwell walked into the daycare to get an amount of concerned glances from the others except for Hamtaro and Laura who hadn't returned yet. He plopped down on the table before whipping out his book, forgetting to take off his duckbill visor off. Stan had already took away his rabbit ears and managed to not burst out into hoots of laughter.

"Hey, dude. Don't get so worked up. My sis still likes you," Stan said, sitting himself in the seat by Maxwell. "Friends?"

Maxwell wiped his eyes that were glazed with tears, ready to burst out and shook his hand.

"Friends," he confirmed to get a brilliant smile from Stan when Sandy came over, still clutching her gun.

"Hey, Max. Hey, bro. I totally feel so bad for this, but like, it turns out that I'm going to play with Bijou and Pashmina. But that game was like, so cool to play. Toodles!" Sandy said.

She then gave a swift, light kiss on Maxwell's cheek and scurried off towards her friends. Stan stuck his tongue out in disgust as Maxwell kept fiercely rubbing his forearm at the spot where Sandy had kissed him, moaning, "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW."

Stan and Maxwell then both looked at each other before laughing. While their convulsing rolled on and on, they didn't notice that Panda had given everyone in the room a gun and the kids were pretending to fire, not ready to actually shoot.

"Hey, for the heck of it. What season is it really?" Stan asked, amused to get his answer. His eyes fluttered to Maxwell's hat still crammed onto his skull.

"Don't be so stupid, Stan. Everyone knows that it's really duck season."

_**POW!!!**_

_**KA-BOOM!!!**_

_**POW!!!**_

_**BOOM, BOOM!!!**_

_**POW!!! POW!!!**_

While everyone looked at a black-faced Maxwell, Stan giggled silently, happy that he actually got it to work. Once the smoke had risen upward and billowed outside, Maxwell turned hastily to Stan.

"You're _despicable_."


	4. To the Pool!

**WAZZUP, PEEPS?***

***Greeting of the day**

**Anyway, I actually meant this chapter to be a sequel for this story, but I realized that would be sort of wrong. I just realized what a Leonardo Da Vinci I am… I totally skip from one idea to the next… Maybe that's why I'm behind on homework and "Ribbons of Change". Dang it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hamtaro or any of its characters… But I'm trying to.**

**This chapter is dedicated to all of the lifeguards out there who help save people's lives everyday. It doesn't matter if you're in the Coast Guard or just a lifeguard at the local pool for a summer job… You all help us out when we're diving into the pool. Thank you and hopefully you don't have the ham-hams as little kids in your pool.**

Chapter 4:

To The Pool!

"Where do you get the nerve to do this to me?! I just got out of school and you pretend to blow the back of your brains out?"

Laura inspected the fake gun with carelessness as she turned the handheld "toy" around. Every ham-ham was staring at her, clamping their mouths shut and didn't say anything when Laura pulled the trigger. The smoke exploded into her face and she waved her hands in front of her face to clear it. But something was wrong… Her eyes were watering and her eyes became puffy and red.

"Holy Swiss cheese! She's an alien! Just look at the eyes!" Cappy screeched, horrified at the thought of another alien attack.

"You idiot! I have-"

"DON'T WORRY! I'LL SAVE YOU!" Hamtaro volunteered and rushed into the kitchen and back out, heaving a bucket of soapy dishwater.

Quickly, he lugged the bucket over his shoulder and all of the water rushed into Laura's face including her eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! YOU IDIOTS, I SAID THAT I HAVE CONTACTS!" Laura started to viciously rub her eyes to get more soap into them and screamed the entire time. Jumping up and down at the pain for what seemed like an hour; the ham-hams grew bored and started to laugh at her act.

"Stop it! It's not funny!" Laura howled and opened her eyes after the pain had settled. Seeing that everything was in order and blinking continuously, she tried to whistle to get everyone's attention, but couldn't as a glob of spit came out. Instead, she got on top of the table to make her announcement.

"Okay! Listen up, idiots- Whoops, I mean, _little angels_," she sneered sarcastically. "Since we have a few problems over here, I'll be taking you guys onto a field trip to the pool!"

"What is a field trip?" Dexter inquired.

"Ah, Dexter, what's wrong with you? A field trip is where we ham-hams leave you at a field in the middle of nowhere!" Howdy cackled at his joke, a little more than usual.

Then, he burst out from the hilarity, "OH, DANG IT! DEX, YOU MADE ME LAUGH TOO HARD! NOW I HAVE A CRAMP!"

"Ooooooh! You said a bad word!" Cappy accused as he pointed a finger at Howdy's forehead. "He said crap!"

"No, he said cramp. Cramp is the pain in your side and crap is what Howdy's going to do if he laughs any harder," Dexter put simply.

"Anyway, who wants to get on the bus? Your parents brought all your swimsuits in your backpacks," Laura said, a little irked that they weren't paying attention to her.

"I'm in! But since when did I have a backpack?" Hamtaro said as he pointed to the corner where the ham-hams stuff was. Laura just shrugged and led everyone into a bus waiting outside. Hopefully, she knew how to drive…

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_The wheels on the bus go round and round,_

_Round and round,_

_Round and round,_

_The wheels on the bus go round and round,_

_All through the town_

_The kids on the bus are screaming,_

_Screaming,_

_Screaming,_

_The kids on the bus are screaming,_

_All through the town,_

_The driver's getting a migraine,_

_Migraine,_

_Migraine,_

_The driver's getting a migraine-_

"SHE NEEDS IBUPROFEN!" Maxwell yelled at the end, jumping from his seat and waving his hands in the air.

"Dude, how do you know that word?" Stan quizzed, peeved that Maxwell got to sit with Sandy .

"My parents have a lot of headaches 'cuz they say something about me spelling 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious' too much. So they take Ibuprofen!" Maxwell explained, rushing the twin's minds into the future beyond their years.

"I'm, like, not going to talk anymore at the risk of my brain 'sploding," Sandy said quietly and plugged her ears with two fingers.

Then, the other hams just decided to sing the song that the twins and Maxwell had composed to get a good yelling spree from Laura who was sure that she was getting a migraine herself.

"BE QUIET! I'M TRYING TO DRIVE!" Laura shouted, refraining from turning around because she was too scared to look at the guy in a semi behind her. The driver's face was livid with hate as his ears turned purple. She was going ten miles below the speed limit after all...

"I can't wait to get to zee pool! I 'ave never been zhere before!" Bijou squealed, bouncing up and down on her seat from the excitement in the air.

"Yeah! This is going to be fun!" Boss exclaimed, blushing because he was next to Bijou. Hamtaro, on left in the very back of the bus by himself, tried to get in the conversation, but he was pushed back by Boss whenever he'd poked his nose in the two's space.

"Boss! You're jamming my nose into my brain!" Hamtaro accused.

"You'd be dead by now, Hamtaro!" Boss puffed as he turned back around. He thought awhile before adding, "Well, I wouldn't mind that."

"Oh, yeah? Um, YOUR MOM!"

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Panda yelled as he was scavenging for a seat belt. "I CAN'T FIND MY SEATBELT!" 

"THAT'S BECAUSE THERE ARE NO SEATBELTS ON A SCHOOL BUS!" Laura snapped, scared to death as the man behind her had thrown his head outside his window and yelled a huge amount of swear words directed at her.

"NO SEATBELTS? I'M GONNA REPORT YOU FOR CHILD ABUSE!" Panda shrieked.

"Geez, what just happened to the peace and quiet here?" Pashmina said as she slid down in her seat. She was smack in the middle of Dexter and Howdy in the demands for the two to sit next to her.

"It's still peace and quiet here with you, Pashmina!" Dexter said and scooted a little closer to her. Pashmina tried to scoot away from Dexter, but ended up nudging her elbow into Howdy's ribs.

"OW! WHAT DID I TELL YA'LL ABOUT THAT CRAMP?"

"HE SAID A BAD WORD!"

"SHUT UP, CAPPY!" Howdy yelled as he got onto his knees faced Cappy.

"BE NICE!" Laura yelled back.

"Yeah! Peace! For the world! For generations!" Hamtaro used peace signs and made his hand move like a butterfly's wings to prove his point like Fred did on YouTube.

"This is stupid!" Oxnard wailed as Maxwell, Stan, and Sandy started to sing their bus song and Hamtaro joined in, not knowing the lyrics.

"THE DRIVER'S GETTING A MIGRAINE! MIGRAINE, MIGRAINE!" Stan sang in a terribly high-pitched voice.

"THE DRIVER'S GETTING A MIGRAINE!" Sandy sang, joining into her brother's hoots.

"SHE NEEDS IBUPROFEN!" Maxwell finished, the three huffing and puffing at the end.

"God, why is it always me?" Laura asked to the sky and tried to ignore the driver behind her hurling CD cases at the bus.

"Hey, can you even drive?" Dexter questioned Laura and leaned out towards the aisle to hear a little better.

"Uh… Yes?" Laura responded immediately. Just then, sirens of a police car could be heard and when Laura tilted her head a little to the left, she saw a police car with its sirens loud and lights blasting out.

"THE POPO! THEY'VE FOUND ME!" Panda cried out in terror and made a mad dash for the floor of the bus.

"Panda! Harry Potter is going to hurt you if you go down there! I can feel the funnel cloud magic! GET THE HEKE OUT OF THERE!" Oxnard yelled and held a shaking hand in the direction where Panda once was.

"NEVER!" a voice screeched from under Bijou's seat. Thinking that it was a robber, Bijou started to kick Panda.

"EET EES BIGFOOT!" Bijou shrieked. "I'LL TEACH YOU TO BE NOT REAL AND ZHEN COME OUT AND ATTACK _MOI_!!!"

"MY PRIVATES!" Panda hollered and hopped up from underneath the seat, clutching a certain part of his pants and fell over in pain.

"HE'S DEAD!" Pashmina wailed, hands over her mouth from the shock.

"BIJOU BROKE PANDA!" Cappy hollered and covered his eyes with his hat.

"Whoa, déjà vu," Bijou murmured, referring to another certain story of a certain author…

"She did not!" Boss protested.

"She did so! She kicked Panda in the privates!" Cappy objected.

"Did not!"

"Did so!"

"Hey, I wanna fight!" Howdy complained and leapt over his part of the seat, tackling Dexter to the ground. The two were soon beating each other up while Pashmina, as usual, didn't pay any attention.

"WILL EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP!?" Laura screamed. Her eyes scampered over to the police car on the side and in a pathetic attempt to avoid a night in prison; she veered right into the grass and through a neighbor's yard.

"WE'RE DEAD! WE'RE DEAD! WE'RE ALIVE, BUT WE'RE DEAD!" Hamtaro yelled, clutching his neck as if it was about to snap at any moment.

"I don't think the law approves of this!" Maxwell declared and gripped his book and his seat, holding onto it for dear life.

"It's more fun when you wave your hands in the air like this! See, Maxy?" Sandy giggled and pumped both of her arms in the air while appearing to have a good time.

Meanwhile, poor, poor Panda was still on the ground and gasping for breath. Howdy and Dexter were tussling and wrestling on the ground, only coming up for air as the others tried not to fall onto the floor at the risk of being grabbed into the conflicts on the floor.

Then, as fast as it happened, Laura drifted the bus a little and skidded to a stop in a parking space for the buses. Everything was a little quiet besides Howdy and Dexter's arguments and death threats towards each other and Panda's sobs.

"W-We're here," Laura stuttered in a shaky voice.

"I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!" Hamtaro shouted in joy. Suddenly, the ringing of the police sirens squalled into the air and Laura bolted for Hamtaro, covering his mouth.

"If you say one more word, you're dead, here me?" Laura hissed. Hamtaro slowly nodded and the ham-hams all got their stuff and got off the bus to await a whole new adventure.

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"Where could that girl have gone to now, Joey?" a police officer with a laptop asked his companion.

"Don't know, Chase. But, I just saw her in a school bus going for the pool," Joey replied in a serious tone as he stopped the car to gather up a plan. "We can catch up easily."

"Hey, you don't think that if we go check out the pool…" Chase said slyly.

"_No_ flirting with that lifeguard girlfriend of yours,_ got it_? I don't want to get fired because you set up some unexpected date," Joey ordered. Chase sighed, but obliged.

"Hey, isn't that her?" Chase said suddenly as he peered out his window to see a girl in a truck, laughing as she shut the door. It was Kennedy, a friend of Laura's. Then, another girl appeared from the other side, but she had blonde hair with brown streaks rather than the other brunette had. They were both ready to go to the pool, but they were stopped by the police officers.

"Uh, can we help you?" Kennedy asked, her knees shaking a little.

"Yes, you can help us. Were you just on I-470?" Joey inquired while eyeing the both of them for suspicious behavior.

"Sure, that _is _the only way to get to the pool," the blonde girl said.

"I see. And what exactly are your names?" Joey asked as he motioned his partner to write this down.

"I'm Kennedy. And this is Paige," Kennedy announced with a brandish of her hand while Paige sheepishly waved when her name was mentioned.

"Okay, Kennedy and Paige. You're coming with us to the office for a while," Joey declared and handcuffed the both of them.

With shocked looks on their faces, Paige protested, "But we didn't do anything!"

"I'll tell you what you did! You're too young to drive, you didn't pull over when we put the sirens on, you destroyed private property, and you switched vehicles to avoid capture."

Kennedy and Paige looked at each other at the same time before fuming.

"What are you talking about?! I'm legal, I have the government's permission! They're doing all this different tests with children to see if they can drive at a young age!" Kennedy yelped with Paige viciously nodding.

"Ha! That's the oldest one in the book!" Joey sneered.

"No! We can prove it! Who was driving when you put the sirens on?" Paige objected.

"It was a yellow bus…"

The answer was crystal clear to Kennedy and Paige.

"Laura," they both muttered.

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_Prepare to be mysteriously jumped when Paige and I get out of this jail cell…_

Laura gulped at her text message from Kennedy and, remembering to lock the doors and windows of her house tomorrow, turned her phone off. She looked around the pool to see that the kids she was babysitting were already getting their towels ready at Boss's orders. They were kind of cute when they weren't up to mischief…

Then, she whispered to a passing lifeguard, "Are there any jobs available here?"

The lifeguard shook her head and Laura muttered a couple of swear words under her breath before walking over to the ham-hams.

"So, what do you guys want to do first?" Laura asked, trying to act happy even if it didn't sound like it.

"I WANT TO GO TO THE DEEP END!" Cappy demanded. Laura sighed and grabbed his hand to go over to the deep end when Maxwell interrupted.

"Are you sure that this water is sanitary?" Maxwell asked timidly as he dabbed one toe into the water to retract it almost immediately.

Laura let out a deep sigh, something she did only when she was really stressed out. "Yes, this water is _sanitary_."

"But what about bacteria?" Maxwell questioned.

"Bacawhatta?!" Pashmina gulped and held her stomach as if she was going to throw up.

"The germs that get inside of you to make you sick. They are found in warm, moist places and usually-"

"Okay, that's enough of the science lesson, Professor," Laura hushed. The last thing she needed was a bunch of kids that were afraid of the air around them.

"But what if someone throws up inside the pool?" Bijou asked disdainfully.

"What if someone decides to dump their Doritos in the water?"

"What if ya'll decide to spit in it?"

"Well, what if the world was going to end in five minutes?" Laura retorted at the whining children.

"The world's going to end!? I'm too young and beautiful to die!" Hamtaro gasped and clasped his hands against his face.

"No, no, what I meant was that you can't be worried about this or you'll never leave your house again!" Laura explained impatiently, still holding a hyper Cappy's hand.

"But what if someone pees inside the pool!?" Stan inquired quickly, disgusted of the thought.

"Oh, for the love of! Listen, no one is going to-"

Then, the loudspeakers screamed into the air, "CODE YELLOW, CODE YELLOW! WE HAVE AN ACCIDENT INISDE THE POOL. PLEASE, SWIMMERS, EVACUATE UNTIL THE WATER IS CLEAN. THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY."

"No! No, it wasn't me!" a man yelled as he was dragged off by some other people and then tossed out the pool while people in white, rubber suits and gas masks dove into the pool. They started to spray some kind of stuff in it and then, got out while some other people guarded people from entering the dangerous water and poked swimmers that got to close with electric spears.

Laura, still gripping Cappy's hand, turned quickly to the ham-hams.

"Okay, who wants ice cream so we can wait one hour before we can go into the pool?"

"YES! PLEASE!" they agreed quickly and they raced over to the food stand.

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Watch out! Part two is coming soon! Okay, that one wasn't really funny, but I'm going to thank Kennedy and Paige for "fishing" this chapter. You guys are awesome!


	5. ADULT SWIM!

Okay, that was a tight chapter, wasn't it? It was actually only part one, so this is part two! I can't believe that I haven't given up on this story because of my insensitive lack of humor…

**IMPORTANT: I DO SAY "LIKE" AND "TOTALLY" A LOT, SO I WILL NOW ADD THAT INTO MY DIALOUGE.**

Anyway, the disclaimer is that I don't own Hamtaro and probably never will, so just read the chapter ok?

Chapter 5:

ADULT SWIM!

"CANNONBALL!!!"

Hamtaro leapt into the pool, curled up into a ball and dove into it that ended in a big _SPLASH!!! _The others were sprayed from head to toe from the surprising force of H2O. Oxnard followed Hamtaro's lead and ended up pulling five people out of the deep end and the people on inner tubes were smashed into the wall. After an array of curses and promises to kill Oxnard, the other ham-hams entered the water and did the usual playful stuff… Well, except for Bijou.

"C'mon, Bijou! There's nothing to be scared of!" Hamtaro urged his foreign friend. Despite how excited she had been before, Bijou now refused to touch the water. She turned her head away from him and stuck her nose the air as Hamtaro went on and on about there not being sharks in the water.

" 'Ave I not told you? I do not vant my ribbons to get vet!" Bijou protested, not making eye contact with him.

"Vet? Oh, those guys who killed Dummy? I HATE THEM!!!" Hamtaro sobbed and beat his fists on his water at the last part, puffing his cheeks out at the thought of his lost pet.

"Like, you named your pet Dummy?" Sandy said in a dull tone as she paddled over.

"What kind of moronic, insensitive, shameful kid are you?" Dexter shunned as he wagged his finger.

"What?! He was dumb!" Hamtaro objected while the others closed in at his names for his pets.

"I can now see who Dummy was named after," Boss muttered to Panda who had finally recovered from his *cough*, _incident._

"What's going on anyway?" Maxwell asked the others when he swam over.

"Bijou's afraid of sharks in the water!" Hamtaro wailed to him, wanting to forget the topic of Dummy.

"There's nothing to worry. Sharks don't live in warm waters like these," Dexter reassured.

"Actually, sharks are native to warm, coastal waters," Maxwell corrected.

"You have to be kidding me!" Dexter gasped.

"I'm not! Have you ever heard of a shark in Antarctica?!" retorted Maxwell.

"Why the heke would a shark be on land?"

Meanwhile…

"Okay, Cappy. I have a great game for everyone!" Stan whispered to Cappy who had finished the deep end part with Laura. Cappy had dunked her at least five times to get kicked out of the deep end for the rest of the pool time.

"What is it this time?" Cappy said, a questioning look on his face. He didn't really want to know what Stan, out of all the troublemakers, had been planning.

"Dude, we're like, going to play shark attack!" Stan said gleefully, not wanting to take a dramatic pause like he would usually do.

"What-"

"Okay, okay. I know what you're thinking-"

"Oh. My. Gosh. You know what I'm thinking?! STALKER!" Cappy accused and pointed his index finger at Stan's nose.

"Dude! Stay with me here. To play, all we have to do is attack one kid from our group. The first one to get someone else without being spotted wins!" Stan explained after he swatted Cappy's hand away.

Cappy slowly nodded as if still comprehending this, but Stan interrupted by snapping a pair of goggles over Cappy's eyes and then doing it to himself. As Cappy struggled on to get them off, Stan said, "Just leave them, Crap- Oops, I mean, _Cappy_. You start over there and I'll be over here…"

* * *

"Sharks are in warm waters!"

"Cold!"

"Warm!"

"Cold!"

"Ya'll are right. It _is _fun to watch someone else fight," Howdy whispered to Hamtaro.

"But Bijou still needs to get into the water-"

"Oh, be quiet, 'Amtaro. Can't you see zat I'm 'aving a good time 'ere?" Bijou declared as she tossed her chin in the direction of the speaker of the fight.

"Can't you just say that Maxwell is right, Dexter?" Sandy pleaded, wanting to play in the water now and intervening with their heated battle of trivia.

"And give up like that?" Pashmina argued and stood in front of Dexter to face Sandy. She then whipped around to Dexter and yelled, "Don't do it, Dex!"

"I'm telling you, sharks live in hot waters!" Maxwell repeated for the umpteenth time.

"Cold!" Dexter and Pashmina tossed a glare towards Maxwell and Sandy.

"Hot!" Maxwell and Sandy defended in unison.

"Cold!" Dexter and Pashmina chorused.

"'CUZ YOU'RE HOT AND YOU'RE COLD, YOU'RE YES AND YOU'RE NO, YOU'RE IN AND YOU'RE OUT, YOU'RE UP AND YOU'RE DO-!"

"Stay out of this!" the four said together and shot a glare in Hamtaro's direction.

"Enough of this you guys. Let's just say that sharks can live in cold and warm wa-" Boss started.

"MY BUTT!" Howdy shrieked and grabbed his rear.

"SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!!" Bijou shrieked at the top of her lungs and sprinted for her sitting spot. "MON DIEU, I TOLD YOU ALL ZAT VEE VERE GOING TO DIE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Cappy bobbed up out the water and started spitting out the water that he had swallowed.

"Oh, I can't believe I bit Howdy! I was aiming for Boss!" Cappy spat and rinsed out his tongue by repeatedly scraping it with his hands.

"What?!" Boss roared in sheer disbelief.

"Well, you _are_ the easiest target, Boss. 'Cuz you're so big, but I guess Oxnard would win you out in size," Cappy said. "I mean, it's pretty hard to miss-"

"MY LEG!" Maxwell shouted and fell into the water headfirst.

"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAXY!!!!!!" Sandy screamed and dove into the water after him.

"Dude! I rule at this game!" Stan announced as he resurfaced and put his goggles on top of his forehead, laughing the entire time as the others looked on in amazement. "I beat Cappy!"

He leaned down into the water where Maxwell had disappeared and sneered, "That's for sitting next to Sandy on the bus!"

"I'm going to kill you," a voice from behind Stan hissed.

Stan turned around to see a fuming Sandy who was turning red from anger. Making a gulping sound, Stan plugged his nose and slowly sank down into the water. A bunch of bubbles came up and popped as they surfaced, but Sandy just waited. Her patience had prevailed and Stan gasped for air after about forty-five seconds underwater. One quick look at Sandy and he knew it was over, so he swam for his life.

"STAN! YOU GET BACK HERE SO I CAN DROWN YOU!" Sandy yelled and showed a fist at Stan. She dived down and started to swim after Stan while the ham-hams just went back to their business, knowing that Sandy couldn't actually murder her brother.

"SANDY, IF YOU ASASSINATE ME, I'M TELLING MOM!" Stan shouted and slapped the water at her face.

"Stan! You're not important enough to use the word 'assassinate', got it?" Laura said as she lifted her shades down and looked at Stan. Before the twin boy could say anything, Sandy shoved his face underwater and Stan came up, gasping and choking.

"ADULT SWIM!!!" the lifeguard shouted and blew the whistle twice. Everyone got out of the water except for Stan who appeared to be delusional after his twin had dunked him. He spotted a pink pool noodle and ran towards the girl that held it.

"My wand! I thought Dad took it away after I tried to shove it down Sandy's throat!" Stan choked out and reached to grab it when Laura held him back. The little girl screamed and ran off to her parents.

"Love you too, baby!" Stan called to her, reverting back to his flirtatious ways and winked at her.

"FREAK!!!" the girl called over her shoulder.

"C'mon, Stan. We should get you to the nurse now," Laura murmured and led Stan off towards the infirmary. Before she went though, she turned to the waiting ham-hams and motioned them to go inside one of the buildings by the pool. "You guys can head over to the arcade, ok?"

She was about to hand Hamtaro the money, but stopped, shook her head slowly, and handed the money over to Maxwell.

Hamtaro, stunned that Maxwell got the money, turned to the bookworm who was counting the cash and demanded, "Give me the greens, book boy!"

Maxwell immaturely stuck out his tongue and handed out the money in equal shares to the remaining ham-hams except for a huffing Hamtaro. He smirked at the orange head before running off towards the arcade, followed by the others who laughed.

"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! YOU HEAR ME? I'LL FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE AND CUT YOU WITH A CHEESE GRADER 'CUZ MY PARENTS DON'T TRUST ME WITH SCISSORS OR KNIVES!" Hamtaro started after Maxwell, but was mesmerized by the inside of the building when he entered the massive building.

The arcade was truly something spectacular even in a small town like this. Different lights shown from the ceiling in different vibrant, neon colors that fell to the black carpet. Many of the arcade games were the usual, like the Pacman and skateboarding games, but others were something different. These were on the left side of the large room and they were interactive stuff like making your own virtual roller coaster, then riding it or the raft games where the player would get on top of the inflatable raft and paddle their way to freedom.

"Hey, Hamtaro! Check this out!" Oxnard waved his arm back and forth to show the DDR games. Hamtaro obliged and ran over to see that Boss was losing greatly to Panda.

"How could I lose to you?!" Boss said, flabbergasted that he had gotten a D while Panda ended with an A.

"Maybe it's just because you can't walk two steps without tripping, Boss," Oxnard suggested, trying to be helpful. Before Boss could wring Oxnard's neck, Dexter and Howdy were fighting again.

"I'm telling you, Howdy. I'm the best at air hockey!" Dexter spat in Howdy's face.

"Oh, stop it. You know I'm the best at hockey, ya jockey." Howdy laughed before saying, "Get it? We're talking about _hockey,_ but I called ya a _jockey_."

"Humph! You're not funny at all!" Dexter whined, folding his arms across his chest in a huff.

"Look! Whoever actually shuts up can play a couple games with me," Pashmina interrupted, angry that they had been bickering so much. But then again, she was desperate as was everyone else. Dexter and Howdy immediately closed their mouths and everyone sent Pashmina a telepathic "THANK YOU!!!!" to her.

Hamtaro wandered over to where Cappy was. The boy was trying to shoot hoops, but he sucked at it, shouting an array of death threats to the voice that kept saying, "Don't shoot again! You're going to hit someone in the head!" and "You are an awful player! Why don't you head over to the fishing game? Oh wait, you're going to hang someone if you do that."

"Magnificent mustard of mercy, some of these games can be mean," Hamtaro muttered as the voice cackled at Cappy, "You need help! Like serious help! From a professional!"

Hamtaro walked past the food court where Sandy and Bijou were hanging out, yapping about the cute boys of the group and those who weren't. He saw Maxwell at a racing game and was easily passing other cars. Even through their past conflict, Hamtaro sprinted over and watched Maxwell win the championship.

"WOW! CAN I PLAY?" Hamtaro's outburst was enough to make Maxwell topple off of his chair and shake his head a little to get rid out of the ringing in his ears.

"Are you trying to kill me?!" Maxwell said in disbelief as he slowly got into his seat.

"No. Should I be?" Hamtaro asked.

"Never mind... Just get in the seat. You want to play go kart racing so we can be partners?"

"DUH!"

"Stop yelling!"

"OKAY!"

"How did this happen to me?" Maxwell asked to the ceiling.

"You should stop talking to yourself. It's unhealthy and people would think that you need to be in a mental facility and they'll ship you to Antarctica and then you have to eat ice for months!" Hamtaro thought for a moment before saying, "Just don't eat the yellow ice."

"Will you just get into the seat?" Maxwell gritted his teeth and Hamtaro obeyed, sliding into the seat and clasping his hands onto the wheel. He played around by making car noises like "Vrooooom" and "Pa-kow!"

Maxwell slapped his forehead and started the game, entering Hamtaro and himself into the next race at Daytona.

* * *

"I'm telling you! I wasn't associated with the evil mountain gorilla men! Okay, I, like, decided to help them make the evil laser thing-a-majig, but they talked fancy to me! I got confused!" Stan wailed as he tried to pry the bandage off on his head.

"Well, he certainly hit his head a little. How did this happen again?" the doctor asked Laura.

Twiddling her thumbs together, she replied, "Well, he decided to play shark and bit his twin sister's boyfriend and then his twin sister started running after him screaming all this stuff. I couldn't really believe how many insults she could make out, but she was pretty good at it, I mean, it was enough to make her older brother scared. Me too, of course, but like, I totally didn't want-"

"Can you cut to the chase where he hit his head?"

Gasping that she was rambling on and on, Laura nodded her head uneasily. "Sure, sure. Well, his sister dunked him and, like, I think that he hit his head on the pool bottom."

The doctor solemnly nodded and wrote that down. He gave a quick pat on Stan's head, but exited the room as fast as he could when Stan started reciting the alphabet song backwards. Laura rolled her eyes, but stopped midway at the thought of going into the pool with her contacts on… Then again, she _did _go into the deep end with one of the kids. So if the chlorine and water got into her eyes...

"Stan, go head over to the arcade, ok? I have to use the bathroom real fast." With that, she dragged Stan outside and tossed him into the arcade. Quickly, she grabbed her bag and rushed into the girl's bathroom.

Laying out the new contacts pair in the bathroom, Laura steadied herself and made sure that her hands were clean. She took a deep breath and opened the top half of her eye with one hand and, with one of her fingers from the other hand, widened the bottom half of her eye. Using two fingers as pinchers, she landed her finger pads on the plastic of the contact.

She slid her contact down a little so it would be easier to take them out and then gave them a quick pinch, making sure that she didn't use her fingernails. Then, at the second that she had them halfway out, Bijou and Sandy walked in.

"HOLY BANANAS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Sandy screamed, mouth wide open to see what Laura touching and pinching her eye.

"What the-"

Laura flew backwards, letting the contact fly into the sink. Her eye stung like heck right now and she covered it with one hand. She hastily turned to face a green Sandy and a pale white Bijou.

"Look, I'm just-"

"S-she vas p-peeling 'er eye!" Bijou stuttered. The shade that she turned was the exact same of her white hair.

"No, I was just-"

"SHE WAS RIPPING HER EYEBALL OUT!" Sandy sobbed, hands covering her own eyes.

"They're just contacts!" Laura explained desperately.

"But you vere peeling a layer of your eye out, _no_? Mon dieu, I 'ave never seen anyzhing like zat! Don't you 'ave any shame?!" Bijou scolded, wagging a finger.

"But I have to take my contacts out!" Laura protested.

"BUT IT'S NOT NATURAL!"

"Be quiet, Sandy! Both of you, get out!" Laura pointed a shaking finger at the door. Sighing, Laura got into her position and already was pinching on the other contact when the door opened again.

Bijou reminded, "Oh, just so you, vee vill be at zee arcade, oui?"

Ripping out her contact and pinching her eyeball, tears welled up in Laura's eyes and now both of them were bloodshot.

"GET OUT!" she thundered, blinking furiously from the pain. Bijou grimaced and trotted out.

* * *

"Yes! Score one for the boys back home!" Hamtaro cheered as Maxwell and himself high fived each other. They had just conquered the off road challenge and had whipped the other races. Hamtaro turned the wheel of his machine around and around, steering the two to victory and won first place while Maxwell had gotten Hamtaro's back, firing missiles and dynamite at the other racers. Almost ready to finish the entire game, Maxwell set it up for them to get the "Round the World Challenge" when Bijou and Sandy ran up to them.

"Bonjour, boys! Can vee play with you?" Bijou giggled. There was room for two more players and Bijou and Sandy were eager to play.

"Not now, Bijou. Me and Max are going to smoke the other races this round! Besides, _girls _don't race," Hamtaro said, eyes glued to the screen.

Bijou and Sandy looked at each other before taking the two vacant seats and started to enter themselves as "Player 2" while Hamtaro and Maxwell were "Player 1".

"Hey! You can't just enter like that!" Maxwell objected as Sandy chose a nice, red convertible for herself to race in while Bijou took a sapphire blue Porsche.

"Like, we totally can! Watch us win!" Sandy sneered as the two got ready.

"Oh, yeah? You have to work together since you're a team and Hamtaro and I are the best team on the track," Maxwell snobbishly bragged.

"Oh, quit your whining, you two, and just race against us," Bijou shushed.

"Fine, but prepare to get whooped," Hamtaro murmured as the go-karts took off.

* * *

"I… Can't… Breathe…" Oxnard collapsed on the DDR floor, breathing heavily as the last note kicked into the air. Panda did his little victory dance as he finished his 5th game of the day.

"Who'll go up against me? The champion? The winner? The-"

"Enough Panda. You're already good enough," Boss sighed as he rubbed the sweat from his forehead off.

"Oh, come on, you cowards! I can do this all day! And adult swim is even over by now!" Panda started to go for another round to get a series of groans and the dismay of some.

"Get off the floor, shortstop!"

Boss, Oxnard, and Panda all turned around to see three teenage boys with their eyes squinting and their arms crossing their chests. Oxnard gulped and hid around the DDR machine, but Boss grabbed him by the back of his collar to stop him.

"Who-"

"I said get off of the friggn' floor, shorty!" the middle boy demanded, but Panda stood his ground.

"No! I get to stay here!" Panda huffed.

"We'll just see about that…" he said with a wry grin. "If you win this round of DDR, you can keep this machine and we'll leave. But if we win… You can't play DDR again in this room."

* * *

"FOR THE LOVE OF SUNFLOWER SEEDS! HOW COULD WE LOSE FOR THE TWELVE TIME!?"

"Oh, be quiet, you two. Let's go see the others right now," Pashmina scolded Dexter and Howdy bawling on the floor for losing to her in air hockey. Pashmina grabbed both of their wrists and started for Panda to stop by a furious, red-faced Cappy. Even Dexter and Howdy had stopped to see him.

"Oh, dear," Pashmina mouthed as Dexter and Howdy copied her bewildered expression.

"YOU STINK! NO, YOU REEK! GET OFF OF THIS GAME BEFORE YOU SERIOUSLY KILL SOMEONE!" the computer screamed into Cappy's face.

"NEVER!" he replied and continued lugging the basketballs at the hoop to miss the entire time.

"Wow! He's terrible at this game! It's so crappy!" Howdy laughed. "Get it?! 'Cuz his name is Cappy and I-"

"I GET IT, DANG IT!" Dexter yelled into Howdy's face.

"Geez, can't take a joke…"

"Howdy, I can't take you!"

"Why you two faced, good-for-nothing, little-"

"Bring it, cowboy!"

"Don't mind if I do, King-O-Nerds!"

"Cappy, c'mon already!" Pashmina ordered as Cappy wouldn't leave the machine and it's insults at him.

"Hey, mom! This looks like a fun game!" a kid called over to his mother after Cappy had left.

"Jimmy, go ahead and play it then," she said as she was busy trying to feed her infant.

"Okey doke!" The kid placed a quarter into the slot before the machine blew up in his face.

As he made a mad grab for the tickets pouring out, he then said, "Wow, the kid who just played this must really have been bad at basketball…"

* * *

"Hamtaro! You're our only hope of winning!"

"What happened to you, Max?!"

Sandy interrupted, "I blew him up with a mega dynamite and with me and Bijou's team power, we could blast Max!"

Maxwell rubbed his temple while saying, "Right… Like I said, Hamtaro, you're our only-"

"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF LADYBUGS, I RAN INTO A TELEPHONE POLL!" Hamtaro yelled and repeatedly hit his head onto the steering wheel while Bijou and Sandy hopped across the finish line to then high five one another.

"How could you be so clumsy?!" Maxwell shamed, shaking his head back in forth at the humility.

"I don't know! Bijou scared me because she had this blowy upy thing and I thought that she was going to kill me!" Hamtaro held his hands over his head as he explained his dire situation.

"Actually, zhat vas just a thing to blow up first place," Bijou corrected.

"To blow _me _up!" Sandy giggled, contented with her team's win. Meanwhile, Maxwell slapped Hamtaro across the head and started another game.

"Oh, oh! Just like Boss was going to do!" Hamtaro remembered, laughing at Boss's purple face when he swallowed a stuffed elephant.

"_Oui_. 'E vas about to 'splode!" Bijou agreed.

Maxwell then stated, "No, he _looked _like he was about to explode. I mean, his face was the right amount of red-"

"No! It was, like, purple!"

"_Mon dieu, _blue!"

"HE WAS BLACK!" Hamtaro yelled out.

"YOU RASCIST IDIOT!" a man called out from a dinner booth. The four decided to ignore him and go on with their game. (A/N: Just so you know, I HATE racism and so I just wanted to put that in b/c it was not FOR racism. It was AGAINST it.)

"Rematch," Maxwell said to them. Bijou and Sandy shrugged and happily lifted their seats up to begin the second round.

* * *

"Panda! You have to win!" Pashmina chanted, pumping her fists in the air as Panda neared the end of his song. Panda's opponent was winning with ease and even posed a few moves to get a few chortles from his friends.

"I-I can't! He's too good!" Panda gasped as he wiped a bead of sweat off of his forehead.

"Panda! Dude, my man, what's up, buddy?" Stan called as he suddenly appeared out of thin air next to Pashmina.

"How'd you get here?" Howdy questioned, shocked.

"I have my ways…"

"Good grief, I think I'm going to wet myself," Cappy gasped and jammed his hat over his eyes at the thought of Stan's 'ways'.

"You guys aren't helping!" Panda scolded as he tried to hold his foot down on the control panel at the right time. The song was finally over and Panda had lost… badly.

The older boy next to the carpenter sneered, "Get off the board, shorty!"

Panda looked uneasily at him and reluctantly got off of the game, sniffling a little bit as the other boys made fun of him. The others felt remorse for him and followed him to the pinball machine just as the boy's game of DDR started up. Pashmina patted Panda on the back and whispered, "You still did good. Those guys just are mean. That's exactly why I hate boys!"

Panda stared at her for a long time before replying, "Um… Thanks. But I _really _wanted to play. I mean, I've never played that game and I've been the best at it and…"

* * *

"WHOA! LOOK, THERE'S A GIANT MONSTER ON THE TRACK!"

"FOCUS, HAMTARO!"

"GOTCHA, MAXY!"

"Hey!" Sandy yelled at Hamtaro. "That's like, _my _nickname for him!"

"VEE VON!" Bijou yipped and Sandy gave her another high five.

Maxwell collapsed on the steering wheel while Hamtaro kept asking him, "Who the heck is Von? And why is he veeing? Is Bijou saying that Von is peeing?! How in the calendar's name does she _know_ this kind of stuff?"

Maxwell, ignoring Hamtaro's insensitive rambling, wrapped up the ceremony and speeches on how his team was awful at racing and went back to the title screen. Meanwhile, the graphic effects on his screen had mesmerized Hamtaro.

"Hey, Maxwell! Did you see that big monster thing?! Whoa, he was HUGE! Like Boss!" Hamtaro yelped over and over again, remembering of almost being crushed by it.

Maxwell, rolling his eyes, replied to his teammate, "Yeah, it sure was scary. The monster's fist was about to hit my cart…"

"I know! It was scary." Hamtaro pondered his thought for a moment and then continued, "Let's do it again!"

"Rematch." Maxwell, as usual, ignored his teammate and gave a deadly glare towards the girls. They both obeyed happily as Hamtaro tried to put his quarter in the slot. Right now, girls 2 and boys 0…

* * *

"They did what?!"

Laura, with two bloodshot eyes from the experience of knowing what it feels like if lemons were squeezed into your eyes and salt ledged into each cornea, looked over the top of the kids' heads to see the same boys looking to have a good time on the DDR machine.

"They just kicked Panda off of the DDR machine! And then they started to make fun of him," Pashmina whined and everyone directed their attention to Panda. He hung his head down in shame and, for once, Laura felt pity for the kid.

"Why, I'll show those no good, two-faced-" She stopped for a moment before asking, "Could you all cover your ears for a moment, please?"

They all hastily looked at each other before plugging their ears while Laura started to scream swear words at the top of her lungs. She sighed and then ripped their fingers out of their ears.

"Okay, where are they?" Laura demanded and Dexter and Howdy pointed to the west side of the arcade. She blew a strand of hair away and started for the three boys. However, before she did, she whisked out her cell phone, sent a text, and shoved it back into her pockets.

"Excuse me." Laura tapped her finger on one of the boy's shoulders. He turned around and then laughed at her soggy hair (From the pool) and red eyes, nudging his friend's elbows.

She raised one eyebrow as one boy sniggered, "What are you doing here? To challenge us?"

Laura shrugged before simply replying, "Nope. I suck at video games."

They all cast a confused and "You crazy?" look before she explained, "But my friend will."

As if rehearsed, Kennedy sided with Laura… literally. Laura jabbed her thumb at Kennedy while her friend snickered at the boys.

"So why'd you call me over here, druggie buddy?" Kennedy asked Laura, tossing her head towards her (Best!) friend.

"To beat them in DDR, o' friend, o' pal, o' mine," Laura replied and set up the stage for the challenge.

"Fine! But if you lose…" one boy murmured.

"_I _wouldn't talk about _us _losing when _you _will be the ones crying after Kennedy beats you," Laura retorted and Kennedy hopped on top of the panel. The ham-hams all formed a half circle around the game and started chanting.

"C'mon, um… What's her name again?" Oxnard asked.

"Kennedy. Don't forget it, chubby buddy" Kennedy remarked and turned back around.

"LILLIAN?! I'VE FOUND YOU!" Cappy yelled again, opening his arms wide in invitation. Kennedy gagged, but had no time to make an answer as the song started.

"WILL YOU MARRY ME?!" Cappy screamed, bent down on one knee with an invisible ring in his hands.

"NEVER!"

"But… But…" Boss slapped Cappy in the head and the kid seemed to stop thinking about his imaginary girlfriend. In a flash, and who knows how, Kennedy and whooped her opponent, leaving him stuttering and complaining. His companions whined and chastised him for losing while the others just complimented Kennedy.

"Why don't you guys go off to the pool now?" Laura told them as Panda raced back onto the DDR machine with Cappy.

"ALL RIGHT!" they cheered and zoomed out.

"They're kind of cute," Kennedy sighed. Laura gave her a long glare and slowly shook her head.

"But you do know that the police is still trying to find you," Kennedy reminded.

"Oh, I've got that covered," Laura boasted, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"How?"

Laura smirked and stuck her nose pompously in the air. "Simple. I changed my name. I told the police that I'm Marie Gambini."

"Oh. That's a peculiar one," Kennedy said, twiddling her fingers together.

"Yeah, I saw it in the newspapers all week." Laura put a finger to her chin before wondering, "Why were you saying that it was peculiar?"

Kennedy grabbed Laura's arm and headed out for the exit, towards the gate, and stopped. She then quietly told Laura the answer.

"Because that person is _dead_."

* * *

"We're winning! We're winning!" Maxwell chanted happily.

"Yeah! I think that we might actually- WHOA, LOOK AT THE DINOSAUR BONES!" Hamtaro pointed a finger to his screen and hopped up and down in excitement of the dinosaur in the rocky wall.

"Oh, we're doomed," Maxwell sighed as Hamtaro veered off of a cliff. Bijou and Sandy somehow found a way to steer around Maxwell's go-kart and obtained 1st place.

"We won! Again!" Sandy cheered, hands raised into the air. "Girls rule, boys drool!"

"Ugh. I can't take anymore of this," Maxwell complained and got off his chair. They all stood up, except for Hamtaro who was screaming on and on about how funny it was to see a dinosaur bone.

"Anyway, good job on the win!" Maxwell congratulated. "But, just so you know, that was luck. Sheer luck. I mean, if Stan was on my team or someone as competitive as him, we would have won."

"I have no idea what heck you just said, but, like, I think that you're so right!" Sandy chirped. Bijou rolled her eyes and led Sandy out to the others.

"Dang it, we should have won," Maxwell muttered under his breath and started walking towards the exit to interrupt his thinking by a certain outburst by a certain teammate of his.

"DINOSAUR BONES, MAX!"

Hamtaro raced out to tell the others, leaving Maxwell in the dust.

"Will it ever end?" he groaned.

* * *

Funny, right? Anyway, read and review peoples! There's a part three to this and I'm so happy that this story will be a little longer!

Just so you know, I DO accept anonymous reviews so just click that button right there and review! PLEASE?! C'MON, I GET OVER FIVE HUNDRED HITS TO THIS AND I ONLY HAVE TWELVE REVIEWS! I FRIGGN' AM IN DENIAL RIGHT NOW!!!

*STARTS TO SOB FOREVER*

IF I GET FIVE REVIEWS THIS CHAPTER, YOU GUYS GET THE SIXTH CHAPTER EARLY! LIKE, IN ABOUT A WEEK OR SO, MAYBE EARILER.


	6. The Lifeguard's Burden

I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating my other stories! I PROMISE an update of Ribbons of Change and Escaping Your Destiny, maybe even Ham Ham High School (If I get MORE reveiws for this story…) by the end of school for me. Just so you know, my school gets out on June 9th so be prepared for a long wait.

**A special thanks for Michaiah for coming into the chapter with the gang and me! Just so you know Michaiah, you're going to be as young as the ham-hams right now, so good luck with that. **

**ANOTHER IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: I WILL NOT BE DOING SO MUCH DETAIL ANYMORE BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO GET TO THE SEEMINGLY FUNNY PARTS, OK? NO ONE (BESIDES SOME OF YOU) REALLY CARE ABOUT DETAIL… I'M SORRY FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ACTUALLY ENJOYED IT.**

**AND ANOTHER IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: THE RACING GAME FROM LAST CHAPTER WAS ACTUALLY FROM NASCAR GO KARTS. I HEARD SOME OF YOU SAID THAT IT WAS MARIO KART, BUT I REALLY COULD CARE LESS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE. WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT?**

Disclaimer: You know, people say it's good to talk about your failures to let out your feelings, but *sniffle* I'll never own Hamtaro. Or any of its characters. *sob* THAT DIDN'T HELP AT ALL!!!! MY COUNSELER LIED TO ME!!! (LOL, JK JK JK.)

Chapter 6:

The Lifeguard's Burden

"Hey, where's Panda?" Howdy asked as he sipped his soda.

"I don't know, drowning," Boss guessed, carelessly ripping a pack of gummy worms.

"AH, FIDDLESTICKS! HE'S DROWNING? DON'T WORRY, I'M GOING TO SAVE HIM!" Hamtaro jumped up and started running towards the deep end.

"Did he just say 'fiddlesticks'?" Cappy asked in awe while he watched Hamtaro trying to find a way into the water without getting wet.

"I don't know, and I really don't care," Boss simply stated. Then, a robin came up and snatched one of his gummy worms.

"HEY, GET BACK HERE, YOU BIRDBRAIN!!!" Boss thundered and started to run after the bird before Cappy stopped him.

"Wait, Boss! I saw one of those things in 'A Bug's Life'! It caught a guy and fed him to its babies!" Cappy sobbed, remembering the horrifying Pixar scene that was specially made for kids under the age of five.

Boss stared at Cappy for a long time before laughing, "Idiot! No bird can eat me!"

"Boss is right! He's too fat!"

"No one asked you, Stan!"

"Actually," Maxwell stated. "Birds, as new studies show, have the hollow bone structures that dinosaurs had."

"So?" Howdy yawned.

"So that means they have dinosaur genes in them."

"They have jeans?! My mom wears those, so she must be a dinosaur?!" Hamtaro panted as he ran over, giving up on his quest for Panda. He thought for a moment before continuing, "She also says that Aunt Kit wears revealing outfits on the street and that somehow makes her money. My mommy told me not to do that unless someone pays me."

Maxwell blinked two times before saying, "It actually makes the bird part dinosaur."

All of the kids gasped at this new information and slowly turned to the robin whom was staring back at them with Boss's candy in its mouth. It hopped a little towards Dexter's hand and the bespectacled kid leapt up, screaming, "I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A MAD DINOSAUR! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Hamtaro waved his hand viciously into the air and said, "Oh, oh! If it's mad, does it have rabies?! Because if it does, then we have to stay far, far, _far_, a- OUCH, IT PECKED ME!!!"

The girls screamed while the boys looked on as the bird gave Hamtaro's ankle a quick peck with its beak while Dexter hid behind a tree to avoid the scene. Hamtaro's ankle wasn't red, it wasn't even pink, but the kid seemed to think that it was serious.

"HOLY CHEEZ-ITS, IT BIT ME! IT BIT ME!" Hamtaro shouted to the sky while hopping up and down on one foot, clutching his ankle that was uninjured.

"Wrong leg, 'Amtaro," Bijou pointed out as Hamtaro kept whining about his left foot. Hamtaro looked down and gave her a nod of thanks before hurling his hand at his right foot and then started to scream and hop up and down.

"Wait, didn't he say that the bird had rabies?" Oxnard questioned timidly. He had gotten another cupcake and held it close to his side in fear of the bird grabbing it.

"I did?" Hamtaro stopped jumping and fell to the ground, trying to act like he was supposed to do when he had rabies. He stopped his insane jerking and screams before asking Maxwell, "Hey, Max. Quick, what do you do when you have rabies?"

With a puzzled look, Maxwell replied slowly, "Well, you foam at the mouth…"

Hamtaro's face scrunched up in repulsion and antipathy. "Ew, that's disgusting!" He sighed before continuing, "But I'll try my best."

With that, Hamtaro spat out as much saliva as he could, but failed to cease the rabies affect on others. Meanwhile, the swimmers and lifeguards looked on in awe as they saw the orange haired kid look as if he was having a seizure. Then, Laura walked over, holding Panda's hand as she had just managed to lead him away from the DDR machine. After cheering Panda up a little bit and getting him a smoothie, Laura turned around to see Hamtaro on the ground twitching on the floor and foaming at the mouth.

"HOLY CRAP!!!! I'LL SAVE YOU, KIDDO!" She leapt into action, lifting Hamtaro off the ground and, out of desperation, tried to Heimlich maneuver on him. While the kids and other people looked on, the lifeguards staggered over to the scene.

"HE'S DYING! YOU MORONS! DYING! AS IN LEAVING OUR WORLD AND ENTERING THE SPIRIT WORLD TO GO VISIT AB LINCOLN! CALL 911!!!" Laura screeched as she then started to punch him in the side. The lifeguards just looked at each other before Hamtaro fell to the ground, panting and gasping for breathe. He was tired from the ordeal, him not saying anything proved it. On the other hand, Laura was overjoyed to see him breathing.

"You're alive?! Oh, thank heavens! I thought that you were going to die!" she giggled, hands behind her back and she was red from embarrassment as the others started to walk away. "I thought I was going to have to drag you out to the woods to bury your purple corpse."

She laughed nervously as the kids she was looking after thought that she actually cared about them.

"You mean that you actually worried about Hamtaro?" Pashmina squeaked.

"And that you cared for him at one point?" Dexter murmured.

"Cared for him enough that you would save his life?" Panda asked in disbelief.

Laura shrugged and said, "Sure, sure. I mean, if he was dead, that would _so _come out of my paycheck."

If this was a anime, everyone would have fallen down in anime style. Okay, the author, with her magic writing wand, will now make this story into an anime! Let's say the magic words are "BUBBLYBISCASHMONOMACIA!"

Are ya ready kids?

AYE, AYE, CAPN'!

Oh, snap, wrong show! Anyway…

BUBBLYBLISCASHMONOMACIA!

Poof! And everything turned into an anime cartoon style. This caught the attention of the people in the story and they were very captivated with it.

"Hey! I'm flat!" Pashmina squealed as she turned her wrist to see it keeping its two dimensional shape.

"My hair looks cooler now!" Maxwell said as he flipped his hair, bangs jumping up and down.

"And, _holy_, my eyes take up half of my face!" Oxnard yelled, rubbing his now enormous eyes.

Hamtaro, bewildered from the choking experience, stood up and gasped, "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LEGS! THEY'RE TOO SKINNY, I'M AN- um… Anor-"

"Anorexic?"

"Thanks, Maxwell! What was I saying… Oh, yeah! THEY'RE TOO SKINNY! IT'S UNATURAL!"

"Like the way that Laura, like, took out her eyeball!" Sandy remembered.

"SHE WHAT?!" Howdy yelped.

"I know! She like, was trying to shove her eye into her brain!" Sandy nodded her head viciously in truth.

"Isn't that the new kind of emo?" Boss said.

"_Sacre bleu_, vhat kind of fun is popping your eye into your brain?"

"Dudes, the old kind was cutting yourself."

"Really?! Dang, I did that by acci-"

"YOU CUT YOURSELF?! SCARY EMO PERSON!"

"No, wait! It was just a paper cut, I-"

"_GACK_! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! GIVE ME THAT MAGIC PENCIL!" Laura screamed and redrew/rewrote the entire scene so that it would be in normal life… setting… thingy…

"YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LET ME DO IT IF YOU DIDN'T WANT THIS IN ANIME!" a voice from the sky boomed.

Stan looked up and said, "Is that you, Lord? Please forgive me, for I have sinned. I steal Sandy's rhythmic gymnastic ribbon to unclog my toilet."

"You _what_?"

"Help me," Laura hiccupped meekly at the sky.

"Sorry, you're the one who's really tormenting yourself. You're the one who's writing the story," the sky replied.

"What?!"

"I know, dude. Like, I sometimes so confused as I write this now…"

"You mean this isn't real?!" Laura screamed in horror.

"Pshhhhh. What made you think it was? These kids hung you by the feet on the playground. It defies science. Plus, you can't drive and the police aren't hunting you down… For now at least."

Laura covered her face while saying, "I've been living in a pointless story with no educational message or moral to young minds and is used to torment me by a summer job that might end up killing me and/or arresting me for the what you call 'entertainment' of the sick minds that readers have on the internet."

"… Pretty much! You're the reason why I have over four hundred hits to this story! And I now have a great excuse to not do my algebra homework. Plus, this is funny! At least for me! Maybe I'll even get some more reveiws," the voice said.

"Well, can't you skip to the next scene to save the readers and their eyes?" Laura complained.

"Yuppers! Here we go! Onto the next scene!"

Hamtaro then intervened, "So I don't have rabies?!"

"You want me to erase his mouth?" the sky asked.

"I don't know, it's your story, after all," Laura shrugged.

"Ah, heck with it. I'll give you the secret to subduing him…" Sending telepathic messages to Laura's head, the writer of this wretched tale (story) told her the secret. Laura laughed hysterically to leave Hamtaro alone with the author.

"Wait… IS THAT A YES OR NO?!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What's the point of this game?" Panda asked as he closed his eyes. The ham-hams were playing Marco Polo, an idea brought up by Boss. "Who the heck is Marco?"

"Yeah, and who's Polo?" Oxnard inquired, sad that he was separated from his cupcake and himself.

"Wasn't that an explorer?" Maxwell interrupted to get a slap in the back of the head from Boss.

"Idiot! What kind of name is Marco Polo?"

"Well, he _was _an explorer who traveled across the Silk Road-"

Hamtaro came up behind them and called out, "Silk Road? Is it silky? Oh, I want to touch it!"

Laura, leaning against a chair and working on her tan, stared at Hamtaro saying, "Touch _what_?!"

"The silky smooth place! It's going to feel so _good_."

Laura eyes widened in horror and she lowered her hands to her phone to call 911 for rape, but stopped as Hamtaro started humming. She shook her head at the unwanted images running through her brain. Deciding to ignore the phrase, she leaned back her in chair, but made sure to keep a close eye on the kids. Of course, since she had a very short attention span, she couldn't and immediately relaxed the tension in her shoulders, very close to falling asleep.

"Okay, now start, Panda!" Boss declared.

"Okey doke! Marco!" Panda closed his eyes as he said the famous line.

"Polo!" the others chorused as they scrambled to get away from Panda who was blindly guessing where to go.

"Marco!" Panda called out.

"Polo!" Dexter, Howdy, Maxwell, and Cappy dispersed towards the shallower end as oppressed to Pashmina, Boss, and Bijou whom tore away at the deep end. They all giggled as Stan and Sandy scrambled to get away, but Stan was dragged away by someone other than Panda.

"OH, AREN'T YOU THE _CUTEST _THING ON EARTH?!"

"What the…" Stan breathed.

Standing before him was a little girl, hand latched onto his wrist. She was tall, looking to be about 4' 5" with silver hair and dark violet eyes. She had a side ponytail, positioned onto the right side of her head and tied with a black velvet bow. Her swimsuit was a light blue two-piece that had a mini skirt attached to it. The girl was smiling broadly at Stan.

"Uh…" Stan was completely lost and had even lost one of his flirtatious lines.

She squalled, "Hiya! I'm Michaiah! You're cute!"

"Uh, thank you?" The ham-hams were trying so hard not to laugh.

Michaiah giggled. "And funny! Can I hit you in the head 'cuz you're so adorable?"

Stan didn't know how to reply to that, so Michaiah shrugged and whacked him in the head with a giant hammer that she whipped out of nowhere.

"Hey! I lost that hammer two weeks ago! Give it back!" Panda gasped to get a whack in the head from the hammer. Howdy had to catch him and hold him above the water so Panda wouldn't plummet down to the bottom of the oce- oops, I mean _pool._

"Anyone else want to get in between my and my future husband?"

Sandy confronted Michaiah with her hands on her hips. "Hey, well, you're future husband is actually _my _bro, so like, you should totally- OUCH, MY BRAIN!!! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!"

Michaiah giggled a little to see Sandy jumping up and down, clutching her head and screaming.

"No yelling!" a lifeguard yelled. She stared at Michaiah's hammer and said, "And no lethal weapons."

"But it isn't a lethal weapon! It's my floaty!" Michaiah replied.

"Oh, yeah? Well, kid, we just like to have little peek inside that hammer to see-"

"Oh, that one should've hurt," Dexter yipped as the others looked away when Michaiah slammed her hammer into the skull of the lifeguard. The lifeguard looked to be unconscious on the ground.

"So, cutie, let's go home!" Michaiah chirped and handcuffed (Yeah, she kind of got those out of thin air too…) herself to Stan.

"HOLY, I'M GOING TO DIE!!!" Stan screamed as he withered around, trying to find some place out.

"How many props does she have?!" Boss asked.

"DON'T ASK ANY QUESTIONS!!!" Michaiah then whisked out a giant bazooka and the ham-hams raised their arms up to the sky.

"NOW I'M GOING TO TAKE MY SWEETIE TO THE CANDY SHOP!!!" Michaiah announced.

"I don't want to!"

"Be quiet, future husband or so help me, I will fire this bazooka at your face."

Laura got up and held Michaiah by the shoulder, an angry look on her face. "And just want do you think you're doing with Stan? And what's with the hammer… and handcuffs… and_ bazooka_?"

"Step away from my Stanny!" Michaiah warned and pointed her massive weapon at Laura's nose.

"Whoa, kid you're… INSANE!!!"

With that, Michaiah clicked the trigger by accident and Laura had ducked just in time to see that the giant fireball swirled towards the sun. It melted with the yellow ball and soon, the sky became pitch black with a few thunderclouds where lightning erupted from them.

"HOLY! WHY'D THAT GIRL FIRE THAT?! IT RUINED MY PAGE! MICROSOFT IS BLINKING BLACK AND WHITE RIGHT NOW! THIS ISN'T GOOD FOR MY CONTACTS!" the sky shrieked. (Just so you know, that's the author…)

"Who cares about that freaking story? The sky went black because of your writing!" Laura yelled, throwing her head up.

"Well, _excuse me_ for trying to entertain some good people that might actually review this story."

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Hamtaro screamed and started to run around the pool at an enormously slow pace, mainly because of the water getting into his way.

"IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!" Oxnard yelled while Dexter and Howdy hid underwater, dragging an unconscious Panda with them.

"FINISH THE CHAPTER! FINISH THE CHAPTER!" Laura screamed to the sky.

"What'd I do to deserve this?!" Maxwell wailed, hands over his head as a giant tornado formed about ten miles from them.

"I SAID FINISH THE CHAPTER BEFORE YOU KILL US ALL!" Laura repeated.

"I'M TRYING, BUT I'M BUILDING THE SUSPENSE!!!" the sky insisted.

"DAMMIT, I SAID FINISH THE CHAPTER!!!"

"Watch your tongue! There are children around you!"

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! FINISH THE CHAPTER!"

"Okay, okay! Geez… The chapter will end…"

"END IT!" Laura screeched. "THIS IS THE KIND OF LOW CLASS, STUPID, CHEAP ENTERTAINMENT CAN PEOPLE ACTUALLY TOLERATE?! THEIR EYES ARE BURNING AS WE SPEAK! AND- _HOLY GUACAMOLE,_ IS THAT A TSUNAMI TO THE WEST?! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! HOLY, WERE' ALL GOING TO-"

The sky boomed, "And the chapter's going to end… NOW!"

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Yeah, that took a while to write… Sorry for the cussing, but I kind of had to emphasize the emotion… Sorry, little brother who's reading this!

Oh, and good job Michaiah for getting through the school year! She gets out on May 20th! A round of applause for Michaiah!

*cricket, cricket*

AHEM!

*Michaiah whirls out her bazooka*

*every reader starts to clap loudly*

Well, read and review, people! I guess that you already read, so just click that little button. If you don't have an account or something, please just name yourself "Hamtaro fan" or "IluvDD!"

It so so so help me out! You see, I have this GIANT algebra finals thing and I already suck at it. I'm only in seventh grade I'm learning all of this ninth grade stuff?! GACK, I'M RIPPING MY HAIR OUT NOW!!! PLEASE, A REVIEW WOULD REALLY HELP! I'M DESPERATE!!! MY FUTURE HAPPINESS IS AT STAKE HERE!


	7. Aliens, Holy Steve, and Sharpies

Oh, yeah! I've hit the twenty review mark! I'm aiming for fifty on this story, so you guys should review!

**Emily H: **Wow! I really like how you stick to my stories, it really helps me out to continue stories like this. And I really hope that Hamtaro is coming back onto Cartoon Network! I sent them, like, five e-mails asking if they could it back on last night. Hope you like this chapter!

**ChargingFowardBlind: **WASSUP?! Ha, well I'm just happy that you keep reading this story. It always lifts my heart up whenever I see you review, so thanks!

**HamtaroXbijouLover: **LOVE the way that you think that I'm :cough, cough: funny. Really, I guess it's from my past experiences, shows that I watch, and songs that I listen to. Plus, the randomness always helps me out. So thanks again, I hope you enjoy this one!

**SoftballStar: **Wow… Just, wow, Kennedy. I can't believe that you actually reviewed and if you even will read this chapter, but I guess that I have to say "thank you" for reviewing with you knowing where I live an whatnot. You're my inspiration for this story, so this chapter is out to you!

**BabyBlueHamster: **Love those cute little reviews! Keep 'em coming, ok? I know that I keep saying that this isn't funny, but to me, it just isn't. Besides the insiders that I put in these stories that I have from my friends. Anyway, thanks a lot and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

**ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! My mind is talking me into writing a sequel to this! Watch out, this story may have only five more chapters or so, which indicates that I'm so ready to write out a sequel. SPOILER: The sequel might have a field trip kind of thing, maybe around the USA road trip kind of thing! In your review, please tell me if you really want a sequel to this and if so, the places that the ham-hams will travel to… Maybe even to your house!**

Chapter 7:

Aliens, Holy Steve, and Sharpies

"Why'd we have to get stuck here? AGAIN?!" Hamtaro wept as the ham-hams were once again sitting at the big round table in the daycare. Laura was holding a magazine up to her face, but wasn't really reading it as she peered over the pages to keep an eye on the kids.

"It's like, weird, 'cuz we have a lot of 'agains'. It totally isn't cool," Sandy realized.

"I'm bored," Cappy complained.

"How can you be bored?" Laura interrupted.

"I just am."

Laura rolled her eyes and turned back to her reading. Before, she muttered, "Retard."

"Please? Can you invite a friend over?" Pashmina pleaded with Laura.

"NO!" Laura snapped. "NO ONE wants to babysit YOU people. YOU guys hung me on the playground by the FEET!"

"But it was FUNNY!" Stan laughed.

"NO, it WASN'T. The BLOOD went to my HEAD."

"WHY is EVERYONE yelling like THIS?" Hamtaro said, toning his voice in the way that the others did.

"Because WE just LIKE to," Dexter replied.

"I DON'T like TALKING like THIS," Boss whined.

"Then, DON'T," Bijou ordered.

"FINE, whatever YOU say, BIJOU."

"THAT'S IT! I'M CALLING UP ONE OF MY FRIENDS TO BABYSIT YA'LL!" Laura screamed in frustration and whipped out her cell phone.

"THANK you! WE were SO bored!" Maxwell complimented.

"SHUT! IT!"

"You DIDN'T do it like US," Hamtaro pointed out.

"I SAID SHUT IT!"

The others patiently waited for one of Laura's friends to come over, but as Laura was talking on the phone, the door burst open for everyone to see two people. Everyone had a stunned look on their faces, even Laura.

"Geez, that was fast!" Hamtaro announced.

One boy waltzed in at an easy, slow pace towards the others. He had blonde hair, almost the same shade as Stan or Sandy, but also had a giant, brown Mohawk. Carrying a red guitar, he wore ripped jeans, a plain white long sleeve, and a leather jacket. He also had creamy, honey colored eyes.

The other one was a girl who had light brunette hair tied up in pigtails, similar to Bijou. She had electric baby blue eyes and was wearing pink from head to foot. It was blinding to Laura. If this reader didn't know, Laura hates pink…

"Okay, you two be good now! For the day care lady!" the woman behind them yelled, most likely their babysitter that didn't want to babysit them. She quickly ran out of the room yelping, "THANK THE DEAR LORD! PRAISE HIS PRECIOUS NAME! I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeee…"

"Whatever! What is this place? Where am I?" the girl demanded. Everyone backed up/scooted away a couple of feet from her.

"Take a chill pill, I don't understand why you must fight and kill," the boy scolded.

"Why you talk like that, I don't understand."

"HEY! You sound like that green, moldy dude on Star Wars!" Stan called out.

"Enough," Laura declared. "Who are you two?"

"I'M SPARKLE!" the girl announced, flashing a grin and a peace sign. Laura turned to the other boy who was too into his humming for an introduction. Sparkle sighed and explained, "And that's Jingle. But we are SO not related."

"HEY! You're GOOD at THIS yelling STUFF!" Boss said. Laura slapped her forehead.

She shook her head before saying, "Okay, folks. My friends aren't going to be here until the next chapter or so…"

Laura brought a hand to her mouth for saying "chapter". She glanced at the clock and her jaw dropped. Instead of the clock numbers reading "12" or "4", they read "Chapter 1" or "Chapter 6". Laura quickly lurched her head towards her wrist to see that her digital clock read "Chapter 7".

"Oh, my golly, this is probably going to get me into a mental institution," she whispered. Deciding to just go with it as the kids looked at her strangely, she said, "Uh, my friend will come around. Now, how about we do something creative!"

"CREATIVE! I WANT TO DO SOMETHING CREATIVE!" Hamtaro yelped and started to hop around the room like a kangaroo.

"Hey, Bijou! I know something creative we can do…" Stan cooed to Bijou.

"Vhat?" Bijou asked. Stan's face went a little pale and he averted his eyes before he let it drop.

"Anyway, you guys can either do something artsy or make music-" Laura started to be interrupted from Hamtaro's constant whoops of what he called "singing".

"AND THAT'S HOW I ENDED UP HERE! 'CUZ MY MOMMY DRAGGED ME FROM MY ROOM AND THREW ME IN THE CAR AND DROVE TO THIS PLAAAAAAAAAAAAACE , OH YEAH! UH, HUH! 'CUZ SHE ILLEGALLY DRAGGED ME INTO A CAR! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!" Hamtaro finished and fell to the floor, arms sprawled and his lungs screaming for air. He lifted his head a little before saying, "I'll be here all week!"

"That's what I was afraid of…" Laura muttered. She regained herself before detailing what the others were going to do.

"Yeah, okay. Well, those of you who want to go into music, just follow me to the music room. Any of you who just want to paint/draw a picture, stay here." Laura flashed a glare at Stan, Sandy, and Maxwell's direction before stressing, "I mean actually STAY here. And DON'T play hunter AGAIN."

"Okay, WE will DO what YOU say," the three chorused.

"WHY are THEY talking like THIS?" Sparkle demanded. Laura hung her head and grabbed Sparkle's wrist. The kids that wanted to go to music were all lined up behind her. Hamtaro, Bijou, Oxnard, Boss, Cappy, Panda, Sparkle, and Jingle were all ready to go to music. That left Dexter, Howdy, Pashmina, Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan in the art room.

"Okay, I'm probably going to regret this later on… But let's head out," Laura announced in a shaky voice. The kids nodded and rushed out the door towards the music room.

* * *

"Hey look! It's a big drum thingy!" Hamtaro beckoned Bijou over for her to see the big drum that would fit three kids in it.

Hamtaro said smartly, "Look! It must be really old. We have to be careful or-"

SMACK!

"Oh, zat might be bad," Bijou muttered and covered her eyes as Hamtaro struggled to get his hand out of the now ripped drum.

"Look! It's a pretty shiny… I don't know what it really is though," Oxnard commented as he saw his reflection in the tuba.

"Wow, Oxnard! That thing is huge! You might even be able to fit in it," Cappy laughed, but cowered at the stare from Oxnard.

"Please don't sit on me! I'll probably die if you do that! Like the one time where there was this really fat kid and I threw my shoe at him and it got lost in his stomach… I couldn't find it for weeks and when I got it back, it smelled like skunk," Cappy sniffled.

"LOOK! I'M GOING TO SING!" Sparkle announced as she grabbed a microphone. Laura had been sitting in the corner in the fetal position and plugged her ears from the singing, but that was no use compared to Sparkle's annoying voice.

"I… DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE! OR… WHERE YOU'RE GOING! BUT I KNOW THAT I'M PREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETY! AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!"

"THIS BEAT IS BLEEDN' MY EARS AWAY!" Boss yelled as he clasped his hands over his eardrums.

"I'M SORRY! I DON'T THINK THAT I CAN MEET YOU IN FIFTEEN YEARS FROM TODAY! I HAVE A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT THEN!" Hamtaro shouted over the "singing".

"I REALLY HATE UGLY PEOPLE! I REALLY HATE-" Laura shut off the microphone really fast to leave a fuming Sparkle.

"Hey!" she barked. "How dare you cut off my performance! That was my best song I ever made!"

"Exactly why I don't want to hear any of your other songs," Laura retorted and broke the microphone in two, tossed the pieces across the floor, and went back to the corner with her magazine.

"You are a terrible singer, you know that?" Boss brought up to Sparkle.

_SLAP!!! _

"Hah, hah! Boss got hurt!" Cappy pointed and laughed at Boss's mangled body twitching on the floor after Sparkle had beaten him up.

"Why is it always me?" Boss coughed.

"Because the weak ones die first," Hamtaro said, rubbing his now red wrist a little from the way he was punching a whole through the drum.

"I don't need this from you, Hamtaro…"

* * *

"What should we do now?" Pashmina exclaimed, happy that her group was alone without the daycare lady. Suddenly, all of them heard these hideous screams coming from the music room and a yelling of, "THIS BEAT IS MY BLEEDN' MY EARS AWAY!". Then, another person yelled, "I'M SORRY, I DON'T THINK I CAN MEET YOU IN FIFTEEN YEARS FROM TODAY! I HAVE A DOCTOR'S APPOINMENT THEN!"

After that… it was very quiet.

"I'm scared," Sandy whispered to Maxwell

"I don't blame you. It's sounded like they were all dying," Maxwell muttered back.

"THEY ALL DIED?!" Pashmina screamed. "HOLY, BUT BIJOU IS IN THERE!"

"You know, I'm still here," Sandy said.

"That doesn't help!"

"Max! Sandy! Look at the picture I made with these markers!" Stan beckoned Sandy and Maxwell over and they obliged, leaving a huffing Pashmina, a quiet Dexter, and a Howdy who was laughing at Dexter's facial expression.

"Hey, that's totally cool, Stan." Sandy tilted her head to get a better view of the picture and said, "Like, what's it supposed to be?"

Stan stuck out his tongue and explained hastily, "It's the end of the world scene! I drew it 'cuz I remembered how the world was ending at the pool."

"What'd you use to draw this?" Maxwell asked, curious to see the ink bleeding through the page.

"I don't know. The markers over there," Stan shrugged and pointed to a set of markers. "They smell funny though."

Maxwell took a closer look at the markers. It read Sharpies.

"These are permanent markers-"

Sandy interrupted, "What's permanent?"

"It means it can never go away. Anyway, these are permanent markers called Sharpies." Maxwell took the cap off and smelled one before throwing it back.

"THAT SMELLS AWFUL!" Maxwell yelled at Stan who took at least three and inhaled the scent.

"But dude! It's like, so addicting!" Stan protested as he picked up a lime green Sharpie.

"I like the cherry one!" Sandy exclaimed as she sniffed the red one.

"Not you too, Sandy!" Maxwell sobbed, but Stan had shoved a blue Sharpie in Maxwell's hands. Soon enough, the bookworm found himself inhaling the blue raspberry scent.

"You two were right. These smell good," Maxwell said.

"Hey, look!" Stan lifted his chin up towards the roof and drawled, "I can see the ceiling from here!"

"I'm loopy, I'm loopy!" Sandy chanted as her head swirled around and tossed some of the markers up and they hit her head.

"THESE MARKERS ARE SO ADDICTING! I CAN'T STOP!" Maxwell yelled.

"KEEP SMELLING, DUDE, AND YOU'LL BE FINE!" Stan called over to the bookworm, swaying a little on his feet.

Sandy then shrieked, "GACK! I LOST THE, LIKE, THE PURPLE ONE! MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!"

* * *

"Did you hear something?" Panda wondered as the Sandy's scream of "MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!" kicked into the air.

"This is a music room, Panda. You're supposed to hear something!" Boss said matter of factly.

"No! But it was this scary, monster scream thing," Panda objected to be interrupted by a huge fight from Bijou and Sparkle.

"I'm telling you! I am zee better singer, not _you, _Sparkle!" Bijou spat.

"Get a life, frenchie! Where's the off button on this thing?!" Sparkle snarled.

"WHOA! People have an off button?! How in Cheez-it's name can you people learn about this stuff?! Ooh, ooh, I know! You guys get this off of Facebook, right?"

Bijou and Sparkle shot a glare in Hamtaro's direction with the look that was most likely saying "Shut it or you'll have to learn how to sleep with one eye open". Then again, it could have also read "I want some KFC right now".

"Will you two girls just be quiet?" Laura pleaded, craving dearly a moment of peace today.

"NO!!! WE (VEE) DON'T WANNA (VANNA)!"

Hamtaro gasped, "No yelling! Just like the lifeguards said!"

"Who cares about the lifeguards? They just told me to stop running when I needed to go pee real bad!" Cappy snapped.

Laura threw her magazine down on the ground and prodded a finger at Cappy's chest. "Now you listen here, shortie! Lifeguards-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! IT'S NOT NICE TO CALL PEOPLE SHORT!" Panda sobbed, remembering his torturous hour with the three boys at DDR.

"OR FAT!!" Oxnard joined in.

"Can everyone PLEASE stop yelling?" Laura begged, joining her hands together to emphasize the phrase.

"Like THIS?" Hamtaro asked.

"NO, I MEANT DON'T YELL AT ALL!"

Bijou shot a glare and drabbled, "You completely overdid it. It is supposed to be like ZHIS. AND zhen YOU do ZEE yelling BACK and FORTH. Get IT?"

"Yeah, LAURA. You SHOULD have KNOWN that!" Oxnard laughed.

Laura was near to tears right now, left stuttering and her left eye wincing as Bijou began a brawl with Sparkle, Hamtaro singing "Yankee Doodle", Panda and Oxnard starting their own therapy class for the fat and short, Cappy running around in circles, and Boss laughing at Laura's misery.

Meanwhile, Jingle was setting up for his show. He had his guitar in arms and was closing his eyes, inhaling deep breaths as the tension in the room grew. Soon, Bijou and Sparkle were at each other's throats for Hamtaro's attention and the orange headed boy was obviously clueless as Bijou and Sparkle kept asking him over and over again whose pigtail's were cuter. Oxnard was sitting on Boss while Panda and Cappy laughed at Boss. Laura had her face in her hands and muttering to herself. Jingle took a last deep breath before strumming his guitar and singing the first note of his song.

**She was staring out the window of their SUV**

**Complaining, saying, "I can't wait to turn eighteen."**

**She said, "I'll make my own money and I'll make my own rules."**

**Mama put the car in park out there in front of the school**

**And she kissed her head**

**And said, "I was just like you…**

**You're gonna miss this,**

**You're gonna want this back,**

**You're gonna wish these days**

**Hadn't gone by so fast**

**These are some good times**

**So take a good look around**

**You may not know it now,**

**But you're gonna miss this."**

"This is the most beautiful song I've ever heard of. My heart is weeping happily right now," Laura sniffled as she wiped a tear. The ham-hams had stop their insane rampaging and terror to listen to Jingle's acoustic guitar and voice.

**Five years later, there's a plumber working on the water heater,**

**Dog's barking,**

**Phone's ringing,**

**One kid's crying,**

**One kid's screaming,**

**And she keeps apologizing,**

**He says, "They don't bother me,**

**I got two babies of my own,**

**One's thirty-six, one's twenty three**

**Heh, it's hard to believe…**

**But you're gonna miss this**

**You're gonna want this back,**

**You're gonna wish these days**

**Hadn't gone by so fast,**

**These are some good times,**

**So take a good look around**

**You may not know it now,**

**But you're gonna miss this."**

Jingle bowed as he received much applause from the awaiting crowd. Bijou and Laura started to hysterically sob while Boss and Hamtaro slapped Jingle on the back in a way to say "Good job". Laura gave Jingle a hug, jubilant to have some kid who actually wouldn't try to rip her brains apart and flush them down the toilet.

"Oh, Ringle, that was the best and most touching song I've ever heard!" Laura squealed.

"My name is Jingle," he corrected bitterly.

"Whatever! You're my ticket out of this!" Laura squawked and held Jingle tighter.

"Does that mean that he has to get cut?" Hamtaro asked as he raised his hand above his head. "Because on the train that I went on, they punched a hole into my ticket so I wouldn't get yelled at and kicked off of the train. That would have be SO scary-"

"I thought that we agreed that you wouldn't TALK like THIS," Laura roared.

"Geez, SENSITIVE, aren't YOU?"

"YOU, RED HED, WILL SHUT UP OR I WILL BE FORCED TO… Um… USE FORCE!" Laura barked.

"I will be a good kid," Hamtaro cowered as Laura rose above him. Laura gave a curt nod before turning back to Jingle with open arms.

"So, Pringle! We need to get you to, like, a world tour deal and I'll be so rich!" Laura said.

"My name is Jingle!" Jingle reminded.

"Whatever!"

Jingle sighed and shook his head. "Dang, and I thought I couldn't remember names well…"

* * *

"Sandy! Snap out of it!"

"I can't! The light is so fuzzy that it makes me so happy, Pashy!" Sandy looked up to Pashmina with big puppy eyes, lip quivering. "Like, can I have a hug, Mommy?"

Pashmina pushed Sandy aside and marveled at how many Sharpies had dried out when Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan had opened them and gorged themselves in the scent. While Pashmina was trying to snap Sandy back into the real world instead of Sandy's little "American Idol Parking Lot A", Maxwell and Stan kept singing.

"SHE'LL BE COMING AROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES!" Maxwell yelled as his eyes slowly blinked and his vision clouded even more.

"SOMETHING, SOMETHING, SOMETHING, GRANDMOTHER WILLOW TEA PARTY!" Stan yipped and leapt on top of the table. "ICE CREAM PIE! RUMPLESTILSKIN! GATORADE! HOMIES! I LIKE CHEESE AND CRACKERS! I COLLECT CREAM PUFFS! THEY FEEL SO SO SO GOOD WHEN THEY GO DOWN MY SHIRT!"

Maxwell held his hand up and said, "Does that include Sharpies on your favorites list?"

Maxwell gasped and threw Stan off of the table to get on top of the wood himself. He took in a deep breath and *ahem* sung, "I LIKE SHARPIES! THEY SMELL GOOD! ALONG WITH EXPRESSO COFFEE AND… um… WOOD!"

Stan, on his rump, started trying to sing along with Maxwell's ridiculous smacked her forehead as Sandy stumbled over.

"THE IRISH ARE COMING, THE IRISH ARE COMING!" Sandy screamed at the top of her lungs and pointed to an imaginary Irish army. Her finger was pointing in the direction of Howdy.

"Hey, isn't it supposed to be the British?" Dexter wondered.

"Naw, Dex. It's supposed to be, THE MORONS ARE COMING, THE MORONS ARE COMING! That's them!" Howdy cackled and jumped up and down for his act.

Maxwell then gasped, "MORNING IS COMING?! BUT IT'S A SATURDAY NIGHT! I DON'T WANT MORNING TO COME!"

"NIGHT IS AWESOME! DUDES, IT'S WHEN I GET TO STREAK!" Stan called to the others.

"WHAT MY BRO SAID! LIKE, BESIDES THE STREAKING PART! THAT'S JUST TOTALLY GROSS!" Sandy giggled loudly and showed one of the Sharpies to Pashmina.

"C'mon, Pashy! Like, you want a sniff? It smells so good!" Sandy tossed her a yellow Sharpie and Pashmina's reaction was so much different. She threw it across the room and the Sharpie was cracked in two. While Sandy was mourning the loss, Maxwell and Stan started to shout random thoughts and words.

"MONKEY!" Maxwell laughed.

Stan drabbled, "PICKLE!"

"I LOVE TAX PEOPLE!" Maxwell yelled.

"I DON'T! THEY'RE THE REASON WHY I'M BROKE RIGHT NOW! SHINY PEBBLE ON THE STREET SPARLKES!" Stan cheered as he held up a red Sharpie and turned it around to make it "sparkle".

"ZOOLOGISTS CAN DIE IF THE LION BITES THEM!"

"OR THE ELEPHANT STEPS ON THEM!"

"OR IF BUFFALO BURPS AT THEM!"

"OR IF THE PIG THAT MAY HAVE SWINE FLU FARTS AT-"

"THIS IS A MADHOUSE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE MENTAL! PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!! DON'T LET ME DIE LIKE THIS!!!!" Dexter screamed and Howdy tried to pull apart his ears from his head to stop the blaring and idiotic sayings.

"ROAD RUNNERS!" Maxwell hollered at Dexter.

"GARBAGE TRUCK DRIVERS!" Stan spat at Howdy.

"GODZILLA!" Sandy shrieked at Pashmina, but the girl thought that Pashmina really was Godzilla and started to run around the room screaming, "We're all gonna die! Dang it, I haven't even gotten a fight with Stan that would lead me to run away and become part of the circus!"

Maxwell and Stan looked back and forth from Pashmina to each other. Finally realizing what Sandy was saying, they pointed a shaking finger and yelled along with Sandy, "IT'S GODZILLA! HOLY SHAMOLEY, SHE'S AS BIG AS OXNARD! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE…"

* * *

"I still hear screaming, guys!" Panda complained to get no recognition from the others so Panda shrugged and went back to playing the piano terribly. Jingle's song had been able to let Laura cry for about twenty minutes while Jingle himself struggled to get away from the spine-crushing hug, but failed in the attempt. The other kids had felt a huge amount of pity for the musician, but decided that it wouldn't get them kicked out of college or land them in jail if they didn't help. The ham-hams decided to keep rummaging throughout the cabinets and drawers to see if they could find anything exciting.

"Bijou! I think I found a drum stick!" Hamtaro gestured Bijou to come. The French girl gladly walked over to him to leave a stuttering Sparkle who was in utter disbelief that Hamtaro chose Bijou over her.

"Um, 'Amtaro, I do not zhink zat is a drumstick," Bijou told him as Hamtaro whipped out a shiny… flute.

"Of course it is! My uncle was in a band called college… Or he was banned from college. I don't know which one," Hamtaro explained as he repeatedly smacked the flute onto the drum. "Besides, what makes you think that's it's not a drum sti-"

_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP._

"I don't know," Bijou sighed and folded her arms across her chest as Hamtaro tried to find the missing flute in the drum. "Just a feeling."

"Ah, dang! Why does this kind of stuff happen to me?! Cousin Billy is going to hear about his and… and…" Hamtaro shuddered to think of what Cousin Billy would do to his skull.

"Look, guys!" Cappy yelled from the storage room. The ham-hams followed to were Cappy had been. Only Laura wasn't there because she placed the magazine over her eyes and soon fell asleep. Little did she know that on the ads, the left hand corner one read, "MANIAC ILLEGAL DRIVER WANTED. SPOTTED GOING TWENTY MILES AN HOUR ON THE INTERSTATE AND FOR DRIVNG A HIJACKED SCHOOL BUS AT AN ILLEGAL AGE. REWARD: TO NOT HAVE A RAMPANGING IDIOT DRIVING ON OUR ROADS NEXT TO YOU."

"What is it, Cappy?" Boss asked lazily, not interested to what Cappy had to say.

"I found this weird alien disk thingy!" Cappy announced and showed them all a giant, black disk. "It must be where they keep their information about us all!"

Hamtaro gasped, "Really? This is an excellent finding!"

Boss slapped Hamtaro upside the head.

"OW! Boss, why'd you do that?" Hamtaro wheezed and rubbed the back of his head and neck where Boss had hit him.

"You're starting to sound like Maxwell."

Panda wondered, "Wonder what that genius is up to now…"

* * *

"CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE! I WANT SOME!!!!!" Maxwell yelled and waved his arms in the air for Sandy to spray the canned cheese into his mouth, which was exactly what he got.

"Nighty night, beluga whales of the Mississippi!" Maxwell yawned and fell backward into darkness.

* * *

Boss chuckled, "He's probably finding out how much bacteria is in water."

Hamtaro tapped his chin before saying, "No. I think that Maxwell sniffed too many Sharpies, got high, and now is having a cheese fight with the others."

The others stared at him for a long time before muttering replies of disagreement.

"Stay with me here! Look, maybe Laura is an alien and she decided to record everything we do in this little disk," Cappy said, exasperated.

The others thought before Panda decided, "She has been keeping a closer eye on us. And I don't even know why she is even here, she keeps trying to stay with us."

"_Oui! _ She keeps being in the same room with us, so she must be an alien!" Bijou agreed. Quickly, the number of conformity multiplied and everyone decided that Laura was, indeed, an alien from outer space, trying to track down everything in their lives and recording it on the huge, black disk.

"Let's play the disk first. Before we ambush her, you know," Oxnard suggested.

Boss slapped the guy on the back and laughed, "Great idea, Oxy! Why didn't I think of it?"

Hamtaro answered, "'Cuz-"

"If you, Hamtaro, are talking, I don't want to hear it."

"But I-"

Boss thundered, "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR HURTFUL WORDS OF HATE! THEY MAKE ME HAVE NIGHTMARES AND I'LL WAKE UP IN THE NIGHT CRYING 'CUZ A GUY WHO IS FIVE INCHES SHORTER THAN ME AND DOESN'T KNOW RIGHT FROM LEFT MADE FUN OF MY SHAPE!"

Boss looked Hamtaro straight in the eye and said, "It's wrong to be racist, you know."

"But I wasn't-"

"Save it!" Boss cried and ran over to the other side of the room.

"Wow. Just… Wow, Boss, wow," Hamtaro murmured.

"I SAID IT WAS WRONG TO BE RACIST!" Boss sniveled.

Bijou covered Hamtaro's mouth before he could do any more damage to Boss's heart… and self esteem.

Cappy clapped his hands together for everyone to pay attention to him. "Listen, we need to ask Laura how to play this alien disk!"

They all nodded in agreement and Cappy, despite how short and unauthorized he was, led the group a snoring Laura.

Cappy took a deep breath and yelled, "WAKE UP!"

"WHO SAID, WE SAID, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?" Laura ripped the magazine from her face. She took one look at the kids and screamed, "MY NIGHTMARE! IT'S COME TRUE, THEY ALL CAME INTO THIS DAYCARE THAT I WAS WORKING FOR AND DECIDED TO DRIVE ME CRAZY BY FREAKING OUT WHEN ONE IDIOT WAS CHOKING ON A STUFFED ELEHPANT, A REALLY REALLY _REALLY _HYPER KID HUNG ME ON THE PLAYGROUND WITH ROPE, THREE KIDS SHOT EACH OTHER, TWO WALKED IN WHEN I WAS TAKING OUT MY CONTACTS, AND THE SKY TOLD ME THAT A BAZOOKA HAD ENDED THE WORLD! WHY, OH, WHY?!"

"You're awake, not asleep. And we need your help to play this alien-oops, I mean, this disk."

Laura sighed, but then perked her head up to realize that this was actually reality and she wasn't at home snuggled under her covers. It smacked her in the face that this was real, but she complied to Cappy's question. "Uh, yeah. You see, that's a record and you play it on this… Well, I have no idea what it is, but I think it's played on a gramophone. It's really old, you wouldn't know what it was, but you put in on like so…" She led them over to a dusty gramophone and showed them how to play the record. It quickly was playing so Laura, satisfied that she managed to not blow up the instrument, walked back over to her seat. She plopped down on her chair and covered her face with the magazine.

"Okay, so- HOLY, THIS ISN'T AN ALIEN DISK! THIS IS OLD PEOPLE'S MUSIC!" Sparkle shrieked.

"DANG, I THOUGHT THE WORST KIND OF MUSIC WAS SPARKLE'S KIND, BUT THAT WAS BEFORE I LISTENED TO THIS!" Jingle yelled over the lyrics, which weren't very loud, it was just earsplitting to the ham-hams. Jingle even forgot to rhyme.

"Oh, come on! It's not that bad!" Laura complained, fed up with the constant screaming that was replaying in her head for the entire day.

"YES! YES, IT IS THAT BAD!" Panda sobbed, gasping for air.

"ALIEN!" Cappy accused suddenly, piecing together what Laura was planning.

"_What?!_"

Cappy laughed manically. "Don't play dumb with me! You, filthy scum, decided to lead us to this music room and distract us with the guitar and drums. Then, your fist attempt to kill us and suck our brains out was using Sparkle, your secret spy. She would sing and pop our eardrums so we would be in so much pain that you would be able to kill us. Unfortunately for you, that didn't work, so you led us into the closet, secretly spying on us with the five eyes in the back of your head that you hide with your hair. After we had found the tracking disk, you played it for us so our ears would bleed and then you would be able to weaken us to the point where you could simply rip open Boss's skull and suck out all of the juice in his head."

Laura's expression remained blank for about twenty seconds until she gagged, turning green and looking like she was about to throw up.

"She's building up ammo!" Cappy had lost all of his courage and dove behind the piano. Laura quickly swallowed, trying not to think of heights, sucking out brain juice and/or regurgitation.

"_Please _give me a break. I'm not an alien and I didn't try to kill you all," Laura said meekly, grabbing onto a desk to not get dizzy.

"Then why are you following us wherever we go? Huh? Bet you don't have an answer to that!" Hamtaro sneered, looking proud of his statement and the way that he had cornered Laura.

Laura stared at Hamtaro for a while before saying, "It's my summer _job._ I work to take care of you all and get paid to do it."

Hamtaro's shoulders drooped and Bijou patted him on the back saying, "Do not vorry! You vill make a good lawyer!"

* * *

Twenty two years later…

Hamtaro, in a full suit, got up for his opening statement in the courtroom. He adjusted his tie a little before speaking.

"Uh… Uh, your… your… What am I supposed to call you again?" Hamtaro turned to the judge who lazily rested his head on his hand.

"Your honor," the judge replied.

Hamtaro perked up and his eyes widened, "Oh, yeah! I knew that! So, members of the… the…"

"Jury," the jury replied.

"Jury! Hi, Jury!" Hamtaro gave a quick wave at them.

Maxwell, who was under the ACCUSED section banged his head onto the desk and groaned, "I'm doomed…"

"Well, my name is Hamtaro! I'll tell you about myself! First of all, I collect pies. My favorties are cherry, blueberry, and key lime pie. But I don't like lemon. Lemon is disgusting! It's too sour, plus it could damage your tongue-"

"Could you please just make your opening statement, Mr. Hamtaro?" the judge interrupted bitterly.

"Oh, yes! Anyway, my client, Maxwell Noppo, was speeding on Green Valley Way," Hamtaro stated. "I KNOW that he was speeding his Lexus, without a doubt. Not only that, but he didn't stop at a stop sign. Thank you, members of the Judy and Your Majesty."

Hamtaro made his way back to seat and nudged Maxwell's ribcage and sniggered, "We got 'em now, eh, Maxy? I'm provoking them, but also telling the truth!"

Maxwell, hands gripping his hair, cast a dark look at him.

"Who the heck told you to become a lawyer again?"

* * *

"Thanks, Bijou! When I become a lawyer, I'll tell them that you thought of the idea!" Hamtaro cheered and gave Bijou a hug that left the French girl speechless. Little did the girl know that she had caused mayhem for the future…

"I'm NOT an-" Laura covered her mouth before the others started to yell like her. But it was, of course, too late.

"YAY! We GET to YELL like THIS again BECAUSE Laura GOT to!"

"YOU ALL WILL HAVE A MEETING WITH MY ETERNY, I TELL YOU, MY ETERNY!" Laura shrieked as the room was filled with the yells.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"PAINT FIGHT!" Howdy yelled and flung a glob of paint at Dexter's face.

"I'M OPEN, I'M OPEN!" Stan hooted and jumped up and down. He laughed as red paint thrown by Pashmina was flung at his face and said, "Again! Again!"

"I GOT THE GIANT CD CASE SNATCHER, MAXY!" Sandy screamed to Maxwell as she tackled Pashmina to the ground. Maxwell, who was fighting Dexter by throwing clay at his face, quickly smashed some red Play Doh into Dexter's eyes and ran over to Sandy. Pashmina's mouth was covered and Sandy was sitting on her back.

"Good work, Sergeant Sandy! Now, bring her to the brig!" Maxwell ordered.

"Totally affirmative, Major Maxwell!" Sandy saluted Maxwell and Pashmina looked at the both of them with wide, frightened eyes.

"To the brig!" Sandy screamed and tugged Pashmina over by grabbing a lock of her long, dirty blonde hair. While Pashmina was screaming and swatting Sandy's hand for the girl to stop "damaging the roots", Maxwell went back to the art fight with Howdy, Dexter, and Stan.

"Stan!" Maxwell barked. "You're with me!"

Behind an art easel, Stan giggled, "Never! I work solo!"

Screaming, Maxwell ducked as the paint can almost hit him the face. Then, the clay bombs started to attack and Dexter and Howdy cackled manically as Maxwell covered his head and dove under a table for safety.

Suddenly, the bookish boy hatched an idea and grabbed a couple of Sharpies. He emerged from his hiding space at tackled Howdy and Dexter to the ground. Quickly, he whipped out a black Sharpie and waved it over their noses. Tears welled up in Howdy and Dexter's eyes at first, but they started to smell them and grab a fistful of the markers.

"SMELLY MARKERS MAKE HOWDY FEEL ALL HAPPY INSIDE!" Howdy yipped and waved three or four Sharpies in front of his face.

"DEXTER WANT MORE! PEACE OUT, HOMEDOGS!" Dexter yelled before falling to the floor from Sharpie overdose.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE, SANDY! I PROMISE THAT I WON'T BE TOO MEAN TO YOU!" Pashmina begged as Sandy was ready to push her into the dumpster.

"You will address me as Sergeant Sandy, maggot!" Sandy yelled and shoved Pashmina into the dumpster.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

* * *

"Holy! There's a country singer called Steve Holy?! I WANNA BE HOLY!" Hamtaro whined and got down on the ground, trying to become holy.

"Holy Steve, that guy's an idiot," Boss muttered as they all walked back into the daycare room. Laura had just told them about all of the country singers that she had liked, including Steve Holy.

"C'mon, 'Amtaro. Vee must go back to zee room, _non_?" Bijou urged and lifted Hamtaro from the ground. The rest got back to the room, but Laura, who was leading the way, stopped dead at the doorway.

"Ouch! You trying to kill us?" Cappy spat at her, bumping into Boss.

"No… Should she be?"

"Shuddup, Hamtaro," Cappy murmured.

"Oh… No…" Laura mouthed.

"ATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!" Maxwell yelled at Stan. Howdy, Dexter, Sandy, and Maxwell charged headfirst at Stan. Stan girlishly screamed and started running to the window.

"I DIDN'T DO IT, I TELL YOU! I DIDN'T DO IT!" Stan sobbed as Dexter tackled him to the ground and handcuffed him with a bendy eraser that was at least two feet long.

"Tell us what your war plan is!" Maxwell ordered.

Stan, sobbing on the floor, wailed, "I don't know! The general didn't tell me anything! I'm just the spy!"

"So, like, we have a double agent on our hands?" Sandy asked.

Maxwell replied resentfully, "It seems so. Now, Stan, tell me what your plan is!"

"I said I don't know!" Stan howled.

"You will submit to… tickling!" Maxwell said through gritted teeth and Sandy started to tickle her brother.

"NO! AH, HA! SANDY, I'M YOUR BROTHER, NO HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Stan laughed as Dexter untied him while Sandy continued the torture that any five year old would hate.

"This is one jacked up soap opera," Boss said aloud. Laura was twitching while the others looked on as if this was some kind of play.

"TELL US!" Maxwell roared.

"I SAID, AHA, I SAID- SANDY, STOP IT!!!! I DON'T KNOW!"

"No matter, we have other ways of making you talk," Maxwell sneered.

"This is very entertaining! The actors really know what they're doing!" Hamtaro complimented.

"_Oui!_ Zhey do take zheir roles very seriously. Maxvell is amazing at his villainous role in the play," Bijou agreed.

"And Sandy is really bold to betray her only brother while Dexter and Howdy are kind of funny. They add the classic taste of a classic story, don't they?" Oxnard said.

Laura, staring at them the entire time, shuddered and decided it was time to do something.

"Okay, whatever hit your head, it couldn't have been that bad," Laura jeered as she carried Sandy over to the table. Stan, weeping with gratitude that his torture was over, got down on his knees and thanked her over and over again. Maxwell didn't look too excited though.

"What are you doing!" Maxwell asked desperately.

"Yeah! That's our prisoner you just helped out," Howdy said.

"The enemy!" Dexter agreed.

"Hey, 'as anyone seem Pashmina?" Bijou asked.

"OOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOO…"

The ominous voice coming from the hallway could only spell trouble.

"It's a ghost!" Hamtaro screeched.

"OOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOOOoooo."

"What is that?" Laura was kind of worried that the ghost might rip up her paycheck. But she smiled at the thought of the ghost taking one of the kids away to its cave.

"OOOOOOoooooooooo…. Hey, guys."

Pashmina was covered in everyone piece of garbage, the muck over her eyelids, and the moldy gunk getting into the stitches of her scarf. It really was a sad sight, but everyone took it a much different way.

"IT'S THE SWAMP MONSTER!" Laura screamed, let go of Sandy, and ran into the broom closet down the hall.

"SWAMP MONSTER?!" the kids sounded all at once.

"Oh, I'm not a swamp monster. Sandy pushed me into the dumpster," Pashmina explained.

"DIE, SWAMP MONSTER, DIE!" Maxwell yelled and hit Pashmina upside the head with a giant fish that he found mounted on the wall.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" Pashmina moaned as she slowly got up, the room spinning in her eyes.

"I'll like, take it from here, Major Maxwell," Sandy said. She picked up a golf club and smacked Pashmina's forehead. "DIE, SWAMP MONSTER, DIE!"

"Is the swamp monster gone?" Laura appeared through the doorway to scream at the sight. Maxwell and Sandy were shaking hands while Pashmina tried to get up again.

"OH NOES! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T DIE! I'LL GET FIRED IF YOU DIE! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAPERWORK I'D HAVE TO FILL OUT THEN?!" Laura helped Pashmina up and shot a death glare at Maxwell and Sandy who just shrugged, going back to their celebration.

"Are you okay?" Laura asked Pashmina.

"Surrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeee…."

Laura, finally realizing what Pashmina smelled like, gasped, "OH, HOLY SWISS CHEESE, YOU NEED A BATH!"

* * *

Yay! I loved that chapter, it was pretty fun to write about. Oh, just so you guys know, I don't own the song "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Atkins. Really, that song did make me tear up a little. It's a great song, you guys should to listen to it. And there really is a singer called Steve Holy. I've never listened to him, but I'll try. And I don't own Hamtaro.

Reveiws make me happy. Please make me happy or I'm not a good writer. PLEASE?! I JUST NEED A "GOOD JOB" OR "I LIKE THIS STORY" OR "SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THIS. I HATE THIS STORY. THIS IS CHILD ABUSE". PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! OR YOU'LL END UP LIKE PASHMINA, I SWEAR!


	8. HOT POCKETS!

Hiya, everyone! Today is evil laugh day for me, so… MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!! MUWHAHAHAHAH –cough,cough, HACK- HAHAHA! Okay, I'm not cut out for the laugh, but I'm cut out for writing this chapter… Hopefully or I'll have to be in therapy for years. Sorry I haven't been writing for a while, but my friends and I had a HUGE fight that lasted like a month. My friends, KENNEDY AND PAIGE, both got back to being friends, THANK THE LORD!!! I mean, I just walk of science and see them hugging and I'm thinking two things. 1) They've made up or 2) They're lesbians. I learned that the true answer was 1. Hopefully… I just now realize that I use that word a lot! Hmmm, I need to rethink my life a little bit…

I have nothing else to say… Other than the fact that I am currently working on a "Hamtaro the Brave" chapter. But it MIGHT take a while.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hamtaro. Or Jim Gaffigan. Or hot pockets. (You'll see… MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Hey, I did it right that time!)

Chapter 8

HOT POCKETS!

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT! MY NAME IS NOT BINGLE, IT'S NOT PRINGLE, NOT KRINGLE, NOT CRINKLE, NOT WRINKLE, NOT HAMTARO, NOT TINGLE, CERTAINLY NOT TINKLE, AND NOT BILL GATES! MY NAME IS-"

"JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGLE!!!!!" a voice from the other hall yelled out. Jingle, who was in the moment of his anger issues attack, immediately froze and slowly twisted around to see his mother.

"You were supposed to meet me in the car _five minutes _ago!" Jingle's mother spat at her son's face. The ham-hams and Laura looked on with either pity or hilarity. Mostly hilarity.

"But… But-"

"No buts!"

"Yeah, because it's inappropriate to take about butts in a daycare filled with small children. With the exception of Stan because he's always looking at Pashmina's butt," Hamtaro, cough cough, _butted _in. Laura cupped her hand around Hamtaro's mouth and nodded for the conversation to continue.

"You, young man, are coming with me!" Jingle's mother continued as if never interrupted before. Before Jingle could muster a protest, his mother already had him halfway out of the door.

"NO! She's taking me to her cave!" Jingle sobbed as he gripped the doorway.

"DAVE?! WASN'T HE THAT IDIOT ON THAT TRUTH OR DARE SHOW ON TV?!" Oxnard cried out in disbelief. The ham-hams thought about it before Oxnard said, "He asked me if I was fat. Can you believe it?"

No one said anything in fear of Oxnard hunting them down with a guacamole gun.

"Bye, Jingle!" Hamtaro said as he bid goodbye, way too late. A little "MY LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES! MY MOTHER WANTS ME TO EAT LIMA BEANS!" was heard. Everyone shuddered at the word "lima beans".

Pashmina then said, "What should we do now-"

"Oh, no, kid!" Laura interrupted. "You aren't going to start off with that stupid question again! The last time you people asked that, you guys decided to play Godzilla, become gay people, and sniff Sharpies for a few good hours!"

"I LIKE BEING A PUPPY DOG!" Sandy laughed.

"GENIUS WANTS TO PLAYS SCHOOLS! SEES?! HE'S HAS GOODS GRAMMERS!" Maxwell yelled.

"I NEED MY MEDICATION, I NEED MY MEDICATION! I WANT TO BE A NORMAL KID! WHAAAAAAAAA, I WANT MY MEDS!" Stan screamed, ripping his hair out.

"Okay, for them to get that high, they must have smelled those Sharpies for a good couple of days," Panda sighed. Laura slowly nodded.

"_GASP! _WHERE'S THE RED SHARPIE?!" Sandy panted and crawled under the furniture to see if she could find her utensil of death… and for the future studies of the "high".

"I CAN'T FIND THE BLUE ONE!" Maxwell sobbed.

Stan hollered, "HAH, HAH! I FOUND THE BROWN ONE! Oh, wait, that's Boss's foot…"

Laura smiled a little before walking back to her desk. Dexter and Howdy followed her to it.

"Why are you so happy?" Dexter inquired. The Sharpie affect had stopped for Dexter and Howdy because they didn't inhale anywhere near as much as Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan. Laura chuckled before logging on to her laptop.

"Ya'll are messed up!" Howdy snickered. He looked at Laura in the eye and said randomly, "Ya wanna hear a joke?"

Laura rolled her eyes and rested her chin on her hand for the joke. It couldn't be that funny, she had listened to a million of them at the pool.

"Okay, okay. So I would kill the Jews!" Howdy cackled to get a death look from Dexter and Laura. He shook his head and continued, "No, no. I would not _kill _the Jews…

"I'd throw a penny between them and watch them fight to the _death_!"

"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's hilarious, give me another one," Laura hooted and Dexter hung his head in shame for Laura's liking towards Howdy's jokes. He decided to find out what the others were up to.

"Okay, so we need to tell out our problems. We need to release our feelings and hearts, pour out every dark secret that we have," Oxnard was saying.

"What are you guys doing?" Dexter asked.

"Therapy! Laura told us to get it at the pool!" Hamtaro said, happy as ever and probably didn't know what the heck therapy. Dexter sat in the circle that all the ham-hams were into. He looked around and saw; Hamtaro making fun of Bijou's hair ribbons, Boss punching Hamtaro, Oxnard and Cappy trying to get everyone to calm down, Pashmina and Sparkle looking on with wide eyes, Panda's face in his hands, and Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan hyperventilating in a corner without their Sharpies.

"Geez, what happened to the world?" Dexter muttered under his breath.

"Global warming," Howdy yelled to Dexter, who somehow heard what his rival said. Dexter looked on in astonishment and watched the therapy class unfold when Oxnard and Cappy finally silenced the ham-hams. However, Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan were crying because they didn't have their Sharpies.

"Okay, everyone. First, say you're name and then state your problem/issue," Oxnard declared. Stan whipped his hand up into the air.

"I wanna go first!" Stan said, choking back tears.

"Atta boy, Stan! Go ahead," Cappy urged.

Stan took a deep, deep, _deep_ breath before saying, "MynameisStan,Mylifesucks,Iwantapuppy,Mydaddydoesn'tlikeme'cuzIsaidtoomanyjokesI'm"Notallowedtosay",Iamatthebottomofthepopularitychain,Ican'tgetagirl,I'mreallyhyper,I'mhungry,Maxwell'sscaringmebecausehelikesmysisterandwantstomakeoutwithher,I'mbeinghunteddownbythecops,IWANTASHARPIE,IthinkthatI'mstupidandmyIQisprobablynegative36."

Everyone stared at him.

"Oh, and I chuck tomatoes at my truck driver and he got arrested for DWI… Which means Driving While Intoxicated… With tomatoes." He shuddered before saying, "Twice. I NEED MY MEDS!"

Everyone still stared at him.

"Next," Stan said simply and then twitched.

Oxnard cleared his voice before saying, "Thank you… Stan. Who wants to go next?"

Hamtaro's hand shot up into the air. Oxnard beckoned him to continue and Hamtaro said, "My name is Hamtaro. I want to be a lawyer and a doctor."

"What's the problem with that?"

"Are you kidding me?! Do you really think that I could pass medical school?"

"What about the lawyer?" Pashmina asked.

"Do you really think that anyone will ever trust me with their future?!"

Everyone stared at him.

"What is wrong with everyone's eyes? It's like you can't blink!" Hamtaro gasped. Sparkle rolled her eyes before saying her problem.

"I'm Sparkle, I don't have any problems! I'm a perfect little angel, see?"

She flashed a smile that burned everyone's eyes. Oxnard, while covering his eyes screamed, "NEXT!"

"Oh, oh! Me, me!" Panda volunteered. "Well, my name is Panda and I'm on the FBI's top ten most wanted list.

"How the heck are you a criminal?" Boss questioned.

"ALL I DID WAS PRESS THE RED BUTTON IN THE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE WHEN I WENT TO THE WHITE HOUSE! I SWEAR, I DIDN'T TO MAKE THAT MISSILE BLOW UP THE SECOND SPACE STATION THAT NASA FINALLY HAD UP! IT WAS AN ACCIDEEEEEEEEEEEEENT!!"

Panda curled up into a ball and sucked his thumb whispering, "Mommy. Mommy."

"I want to go!" Cappy cried out. "I'm Cappy and I'm short. I don't like being short."

"Trust me, being tall isn't the best thing either," Maxwell snapped, being one of the tallest of the group. "PRO FOOTBALL! I now run into trees all the fricking time!"

"Yeah, vell if you 'ate zee short people, then zou're automatically racist," Bijou pointed out.

"YOU ATE A RACIST PERSON, BIJOU?! FOR THE LOVE OF FETA CHEESE, WHAT THE HACK IS TWISTING ALL OF YOU PEOPLE'S JIBBLITS?" Hamtaro screamed.

Sandy went next. "Well, like, I don't have any prob- BEEF JERKY-lems."

Everyone looked at each other in confusion at Sandy's normality.

"But my daddy, like, has issues! He says that he hates rice!"

"Why doe he hate rice?" Pashmina asked.

Sandy sighed, "Well, he said that he had it thrown at him on one of the darkest days of his life."

Before anyone could say what their problem was, Howdy walked onto the big round table.

"I'm sorry I'm so slow with the jokes, I had a hot pocket for dinner," Howdy started as he stepped up to the microphone that appeared out of nowhere.

"Hey, look! It's an ugly kid! HI, UGLY KID!" Hamtaro waved at Howdy. The southerner stuck his tongue out and leaned in towards the microphone.

"ARE YOU GOING TO KISS THAT THING?" Hamtaro shouted out.

"Be quiet! He's building his self esteem!" Laura ordered and quickly silenced Hamtaro.

"Well, anyway, I had a hot pocket for dinner-"

"Um, it's actually break- TAP TAP, TAP TAP REVENGE- It's actually breakfast." The Sharpies had let Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan go halfway back to normal, but of course, it wasn't normal enough.

"I had a hot pocket for dinner, okay?" Howdy screeched.

"Oh! I'm going to sing the jingle for "Hot Pocket"! Ready? HOT POCKET!" Cappy sung. Howdy stared and then continued.

"My mom goes to the grocery store EVERDAY to pick up one of those hot pockets. And every single time I've had one, I've never been like, 'Oh, glad I ate that!' Really, I'm saying, 'I'm gonna die! Did I eat that or rub it on my face?!"

"BUWHAHAHAHA! GENIUS, KID, GENUIS!" Laura gave a quick thumbs up at Howdy.

"I don't get it," Boss murmured.

"Just laugh, dude, just la- GHETTO HOTEL GOES BUH BYE AFTER IT'S BEEN KNOCKED DOWN- Just laugh, Boss," Stan said as he twitched.

"I was looking at a box of Hot Pockets, they have a_ warning _on it. It says: WARNING, YOU JUST BOUGHT HOT POCKETS. HOPE YOU ARE DRUNK OR HEADING TO A TRAILER. HAVE FUN WITH THE NEXT NASCAR EVENT."

"Hot Pockets!" Cappy sung.

"I like NASCAR, he's a jerk," Hamtaro whispered to Bijou.

**In an Olive Garden across the street…**

"Uh, let's see, tonight's special is a sea bass broiled, glazed in our finest honey syrup, and is served with a side of a… hot pocket," a waiter said. "Which is cooked in a dirty microwave and that comes with a giant tub of Tums."

"Is your Hot Pocket cold in the middle?" the diner asked.

"It's frozen," the waiter said immediately.

"I don't-" the diner started.

"But it can be served boiling, lava hot."

"Will it burn my mouth-"

"It'll _destroy _your mouth. Everything will taste like rubber for a month."

"I'll have the hot pocket!"

**Back at the daycare…**

Howdy continued, "Ya'll know that hot pockets haven't been around that long. I wonder how they came up with that, was there some idiot in the marketing business saying, 'I got an idea! How about we fill a pop tart with nasty meat!'?"

"Did you guys know that there's a vegetarian hot pocket?" Laura interfered.

"Is that for the people who don't like meat but still want diarrhea?" Panda asked.

"HOT POCKET!" Cappy sung.

"Then, it, like, should just- PICASSO IS A WONDER OF ART! HIS PAINTINGS LOOK EXACTLY LIKE HIM- have the hot pocket come with a toilet paper," Sandy said.

"_Oui! _And zee toilet paper rolls come in with _twenty four _rolls!" Bijou exclaimed.

**At the nearest Safeway store…**

A guy shoved in like thirty rolls of toilet paper into his cart and people stared.

One little kid said, "Does that guy ever leave the bathroom?! What, is he living off of hot pockets?!"

**Back at the Daycare…**

"Then, there's the mystery pocket, I don't even want to know what's in there," Howdy said. "Can ya just imagine the directions on that? TAKE OUT OF BOX, PLACE DIRECTLY IN TOILET."

"FLUSH POCKET!" Cappy sang.

"Hey, they've introduced the breakfast hot pocket. FINALLY," Howdy carried on. "Now ya'll can have a hot pocket for breakfast, a hot pocket for lunch, and be dead by dinner."

"DEAD POCKET!"

Howdy, kicking the stage ground, looked up and said shyly, "I do like that jingle-"

"I STILL AM IN NEED OF ASSISITANCE!" a voice called out. Everyone shrugged and ignored it.

"As I was saying, I do like that jingle for the _hot pocket _stuff and _not _the person," Howdy said, raising his voice a little.

"AH, DARN IT!" a voice rang out.

"I wonder who created that jingle…" Howdy's voice trailed off.

**In a dark room in the middle of the Amazonian rainforest…**

"Hey, Bill, what do you have so far on that hot pocket jingle?" a man asked his employee at the desk with stacks of paper.

"Uh… uh… Hot pocket?" his employee, Bill, sang in the jingle's tune.

"That's good! That's very good, not as good as "PLUG IT IN, PLUG IT IN!" But, it's still good. Now, what are we going to run in Mexico?"

"… Caliente pocket?"

"You've got a _gift_ my friend… Don't hide that it a bushel basket."

**Back at the Daycare…**

"HOT POCKET!" Cappy crooned.

Howdy nodded, but got no applause except from Laura who was laughing on the floor and choking from it.

"Hey, look! Laura's about to explode too! Just like Boss!" Hamtaro announced. Laura made a sign for Howdy to continue with the funny and Howdy nodded.  
"Now they've come out with a chicken potpie hot pocket… Now they're just messing with us!" Howdy cackled. "Just a matter of fact, did ya try the new hot pocket, hot pocket? It's a hot pocket filled with a hot pocket! Tastes just like a hot pocket. I'm gonna go stick my head in the microwave. HOT POCKET!"

Howdy clapped his hands together and yelled, "Thank you, thank you! You're a wonderful audience! You want to hear more?"

"Wait, I still don't get it-" Hamtaro started, but was cut off by the ending of this chapter.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, that was SO not funny. ANYWAY! I totally am obsessed with this Jim Gaffigan guy, probably because he makes the best jokes! I really would buy an album or two from him, you'll laugh, trust me, you'll laugh. It's impossible to keep a straight face while listening to him. I'll let Howdy tell more jokes if ya'll would review!


	9. Comedy Gold And the Other Tragedies

Yeah, I just REALLY wanted to write this! It's so funny! I have nothing else to say except a big "THANK YOU" to all of you people who reviewed any of my stories. Oh, and I finally have a new humor story up! It's called "Ham Ham IM". Very direct, very direct, wouldn't you say? Give it a read?

Disclaimer: We all have dreams in this world. Mine is to own Hamtaro. Unfortunately for me, I do not own Hamtaro or any of its characters. And I don't own Jim Gaffigan's jokes.

Chapter 9:

Comedy Gold! (And the Other Tragedies)

"BRING ON THE FUNNY, LITTLE DUDE!" Laura cheered on while pumping a fist in the air. To the dismay of some of the hams, she had painted her face red and white to show that she was a fan for more jokes from Howdy. Even if no one else laughed. The kids looked on dully and had lost interest in the hot pocket jokes, so they started to do the therapy class again, but Laura had forced them to watch, saying that "It's good entertainment, you don't get any of this kind of stuff from a five year old. This is Howdy's _destiny _so shut the heck up".

"I'm so tired!" Bijou sobbed. She, along with the other hams, was tied to a chair and her seating arrangement was facing towards the comedian onstage. AKA, Howdy..

"I don't want to listen to any of these jokes! They're terrible!" Boss sniveled.

"I know! The hot dog joke last week was better than hot pockets," Dexter agreed. He withered around, biting the rope to escape, but made no avail.

"Okay, ya'll! Ya ready for the comedy gold of Howdy?" Howdy screamed into the microphone enthusiastically.

"NO!!!!!" Panda bawled.

"I don't care!" Howdy snapped.

"C'MON, MAKE ME PROUD! Wait, make me laugh, that's so much better!" Laura chanted and leaned back in her seat with a giant tub of popcorn.

"Okay, ya'll! Here we go!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" the ham-hams cried out, but it was too late.

**American Eating…**

"Really, all Americans love food. All they care about is food. 'How's your food?' 'Did you like the food?' 'Is it raining chocolate sunflower seeds yet?' You see on the news EVERY FRIGGN' DAY a report of the growing obesity rate. They'll show a fat guy walking down the street and they'll block out his face, but… that guy knows it's him!" Howdy started to get a groan from the ham-hams and a laugh from Laura.

_In a suburban home…_

"Well, that shirt looks familiar," a cubby man at home said while watching the news. "Ah, crap! Not wearing that again."

His neighbor popped his head in the window and said, "Hey, Bill, come see your fat ass on the news!"

_Back at the daycare…_

"We're never satisfied when it comes to food," Howdy said calmly before yelling out, "You know what would be good on this hamburger? A ham sandwich! Instead of a bun, let's use two donuts! That way we can serve it for breakfast!"

Laura pounded her fists on the table as she thought she cracked a rib from laughing while the ham-hams bit their lips and tried to contain their screams.

"Well, you guys laugh, but there's a guy at Dunkn' Donuts going, 'That's not a bad idea…' Watch out, McDonald's, here comes the donut ham hamburger!"

"THERE'S A HAM HAMBURGER!? I DON'T WANT TO BECOME A FAT BURGER TO FEED TO SOMEONE AT RED ROBINS!" Hamtaro wept and struggled to get free of the ropes.

"I bought some peanut butter recently. I had four choices, creamy, chunky, extra chunky, and extreme chunky," Howdy started slowly.

He took in a deep breath and said, "I bought the extreme chunky peanut butter, opened it, and… it was just peanuts!"

"BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Laura laughed.

"Someone should really shut her up!" Cappy exclaimed. "I don't even get these jokes!"

Howdy continued, "That is extreme trying to sell that stuff. I feel like a coward eating the regular kind. 'Hey, look at the nerd eating the regular Doritos! Can't handle the extreme!' 'Oh, I'm working my way up-' 'YA GOT SERVED, SUCKA!"

"WHOO HOO! GO ONTO THE NEXT TOPIC!" Laura ordered.

**Holidays…**

"Ya'll know about Christmas. We go out, chop down a tree, and bring it inside," Howdy described. "Sounds like the behavior of a drunk man really. Then, it seems kind of backwards when people decorate their yards. 'All right, cut down that tree, put it in here. Now take out these lights and put them out there.' Heh, heh, that poor guy needs a job."

A voice from above, probably from the sky, called out, "Oh, he's anti-Christmas…"

"Easter is a strange holiday too," Howdy claimed.

_The first celebration of Easter…_

"Easter, the day Jesus rose from the dead, what should we do?" a man asked his companion.

"How 'bout eggs?" the other replied.

With a confused look on his face, the man stuttered, "W-Well, what does that have to do with Jesus?"

"All right, we'll hide 'em!" his friend answered easily.

"I don't follow your logic…" the man slurred.

"Don't worry, there's a bunny," the other one said before waddling off.

"… Ridiculous."

_Back at the Daycare…_

"Thanksgiving, yeah, it's almost as if we didn't mean to create a tradition!" Howdy cackled. "The tradition is we over eat! 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving, we eat a lot?' …We do that everyday! 'Oh, well, how about we eat a lot with the people that annoy the heck out of us?"

"Oh, he's anti-family," the sky rang out.

"AH, DUDE, IT'S SO FUNNY!" Laura hooted. "C'MON, KID SAY MORE FUNNY STUFF THAT NO ONE WILL CARE ABOUT!"

"Most holidays are used so we can eat more." Howdy tugged at the collar of his shirt. "I don't usually have a burger, a hot dog, and a steak, but… It is the Fourth of July. And, uh, I'm gonna be needing the energy if I'm going to blow crap up. It's what the founding fathers would _want_."

"I still don't get it, why would Howdy want to blow crap up?" Hamtaro whispered to Bijou.

"YOU NIMROD!" Sparkle screamed at Hamtaro. "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO GET IT!"

"My favorite holiday is Halloween and _not _just because women use it as an excuse to dress up like prostitutes," Howdy claimed. Laura stared for a while before falling of her chair and tried to contain her laughter while Howdy continued. "Ya'll ladies totally do, 'I'm a witch!' If she was a hooker! 'I'm little Miss Muffet!' I'm sure you are…"

"Hey, that almost sounded dirty, fella," the voice from the sky said.

"I love Halloween, I mean, you dress like a superhero, ya bang on yer neighbor's door, and they give ya candy! I do that today and my neighbor wants me arrested!" Howdy drawled on. "Probably 'cuz I make a hot cat woman… MEOW, MEOW! Kitty want some candy! MEOW!!"

"OH, MY G, I CAN'T BREATHE!" Laura shrieked. She could barely talk now with Howdy's meowing and purring going on in the background.

"I still don't know why Howdy would dress up like cat woman," Hamtaro mumbled to Dexter. Dexter shook his head and turned back around because the rope was choking his throat.

"Meow, meow, meow, meow. Remember that from Mr. Roger's neighborhood?" Howdy persisted. "And they wonder why we do drugs..."

"Oh, that was negative," the sky said sadly.

**Bacon…**

Howdy cleared his voice as Laura had finally settled down. "The best part of breakfast in bed is the bacon, the most beautiful thing on Earth!"

"Even the sound of bacon frying sounds like applause. It goes 'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. YAY, BACON!' Ya wanna know how good bacon is? To improve food, they wrap it in bacon! I mean, we wouldn't even know what a water chestnut is!"

Laura giggled manically.

"And those bits of bacon, that's like the fairy dust of the food community. 'Ya don't want this baked potato? BRIIIIIIIIIING! Now it's yer favorite part of the meal!' 'Ya don't like yer salad? BIPPOTY, BOBBITY, BACON!' But then again…" Howdy's voice trailed off mysteriously. "Salad with bits of bacon just becomes a game of "Find the Bacon in the Lettuce". It's like panning for gold, EUREKA! I STRUCK BACON!"

"I can't believe the shrinkage that occurs with bacon. You start off with a pound of it, then you get to a bookmark! Really, the only bad part about bacon is that it makes you thirsty… for more bacon! It's almost as if they're rationing at the breakfast table. 'Here's your two strips of bacon!' I WANT MORE! MORE BACON!"

"You know at the brunch buffet where there are about four thousand pieces of bacon? Don't you almost expect a rainbow to be coming out of it? I FOUND IT, I FOUND THE SOURCE OF ALL BACON! That bacon tray is ALWAYS at the end of the buffet… you regret all of the stuff on your plate… 'What am I doing with all of this worthless fruit?! I should have waited! If I had known that you were hear, I would have waited! I would only eat you, bacon!'" Howdy crowed.

"But ya can't eat only bacon 'cuz it's terrible for ya'll. You know bacon is bad when a healthier choice is a _donut. _We've known that bacon is bad for us for thousands of years. It's literally restricted on the rules for certain religions.

_By a church…_

A priest read off the list, "All righty, our rules are no killing, no cheating on your wife, no bacon-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," a man interrupted. "W-What was that last one?"

"No bacon," the priest repeated.

"I'm in the wrong line!"

_Back at the Daycare…_

"The pig is an amazing animal!" Howdy said and Laura clapped because she was born in the year of the pig. "Ya feed a pig an apple, it makes bacon. That is impressive to me. LET'S SEE MICHEAL PHELPS DO THAT! The pig is turning an apple, which is garbage, into _bacon_. That's magic or the most important recycling program EVER. Really, the pig is man's best friend. Dogs are okay, but when pigs die, ya can have a barbecue!"

"Bacon is that good," Howdy confirmed. "I bet if ya put bits of bacon on a strip of bacon, ya could travel back in time. It would be kind of useless to me 'cuz I would just go back to where I was eating bacon. Yup, it's a bacon-to-bacon space time continuum."

"That's a pretty bad bacon joke!" the sky boomed.

"Fatbacks, maybe it's bacon on steroids. I've never tried fatbacks, mostly 'cuz it called _fat back. _ I don't know which word creeps me out more, fat or back! Why don't they just throw in 'hairy' while they're at it?! 'THIS IS SOME DELICIOUS HAIRY FAT BACK! THAT REMINDS ME, YER UNCLE CALLED!'"

"That's got to be the end of the bacon jokes," the sky grumbled.

**Bowling…**

"I've had a nice time… I went bowling, don't mean to brag. Really, there are two people who go bowling. Those who really, really love bowling. And those who would go, 'Wouldn't it be hysterical if we went bowling?' It's for both of us! Bowling is the sport you do after you've done everything else," Howdy snickered. Laura was on the ground trying to remember how to breathe.

"Bowling's great, you gotta love a sport you can eat _while_ you play it. Ya never see that in tennis. 'Hey, before ya'll serve, let me dig into these nachos…' It's a different sport! There's an ash try _built_ into the bowling equipment! Poker doesn't even have that! And that hand… dryer… thing… If yer sweating while yer bowling, yer out of shape…"

Boss flashed a stare in a certain chubby boy's direction. "Oxnard."

"WHAT'D I DO TO YOU?! I WASN'T THE ONE WHO TIED TO YOU UP TO WATCH THIS CHEAP ENTERTAINMENT?!"

Howdy rolled his eyes. "If you're out of shape and you're bowling, you're probably a professional bowler.

"Nothing really healthy about bowling, it has to be the germaphobe's worst nightmare. 'Here, put on these moist shoes ten thousand people have already worn. And stick your fingers into these dirty holes. Now you have the flu.' How dirty are those holes?! It's not like those bowling balls _wear out. _They probably haven't made a bowling ball in a thousand years! Someone's out there using Fred Flinstone's right now!"

"That is preposterous…" the sky whispered.

"I don't own a bowling ball 'cuz I'm not a _weirdo. _YEAH, I WANT TO CARRY OUT A FIFTY-POUND BALL! WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, CAN YOU PUT IT IN A BIG, UGLY PURSE?" Howdy chuckled while Laura held her throat, tears streaming down her face. "THAT'S HOW I WANT TO MEET THE LADIES!

"Oh, couldn't help but notice you staring at my purse. It's filled with a big, blue ball. Mind if I follow you around the parking lot? I'll just be humming. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. HMMMMMM. BALL IN THE BAG, BALL IN THE BAG."

The sky cried out, "That's got to be the worst song ever."

"That reminds me, whoever drills those bowling holes must be handicapped. They either fit a five year old girl or the Incredible Hulk," Howdy laughed. Laura doubled over and just after she stood back up. "How big are some people's fingers?! A guy with a catcher's mitt, 'Yup, it's good. Don't worry, I can still catch the game.'"

"Those bowling shoes, no update there." Howdy raised his voice a little higher as he quoted, "Ya need our special shoes if ya want to roll our magic ball!"

Howdy looked at Hamtaro while he said his next line. "Some people have their own bowling ball _and _bowling shoes _and _no friends."

"That's mean," the sky murmured.

"I can say that 'cuz I like bowling, I watch bowling on TV… 'Cuz I spend my time wisely," Howdy said. "I saw a college championship, they have coaches on the team. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving?!"

_In a bowling alley for the win of the 2009 college bowling championship…_

"Alright, Timmy, this time… Well, you're gonna knock down all the pins," the bowling coach said as he smirked at the other team.

"You sure?" Timmy asked timidly.

"Trust me… JUST DO IT, SON!"

_Back at the Daycare…_

"Bowling seems silly, but we all take it very seriously. 'Till ya get that first gutter ball. Yer saying, 'Lemme show ya how it's done! AHAHAHAHA! This is a stupid sport…" Howdy bent down and placed his arms like he was holding a bowling ball which made Laura fall to the ground and the ham-hams just looked at one another. "There's few moments in life worse than that gutter ball. The worst part is making that turn to your friends."

Laura gave Howdy a quick thumbs up before laughing again. Howdy smiled and Dexter shouted, "IT BLINDS MY EYES! I NOW AM GOING TO NEED A NEW PERSCRIPTION!"

"You never want to be the worst bowler because then everyone treats you like you have swine flu," Howdy said. He waved his arms in the air before editing his voice again. "You can do it! We're praying for you!"

Howdy continued, "The advice starts… Use a heavier ball, keep your arm straight, you should get a vecectimy!"

"If you're really bad at bowling like me, then the absolute worse thing that could possibly happen is getting the _bumpers _up. You would think that bowling would be a simple sport. No, it's all 'You want the bumpers up? We can take some of the pins down! Why don't you take this coloring book and go sit in a corner?

"But bowling is cool, it IS the only sport that _rolls the ball back to you_. At _arm level._

"I'M DONE!" Howdy announced into the microphone. Laura was crying as she let the ham-hams go, not because of the funny, but because of the torture of having the kids being let loose.

"THANK GOODNESS!" Pashmina sighed.

"IT'S NOT NICE TO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE!" Howdy barked.

Laura covered her face and made a beeline for the next room murmuring, "I should have kept them tied up…"

Then, a man burst through the door unexpectedly with two secret agents trailing him. He looked around for a moment before pointing at Howdy who was still at the microphone.

"GET THAT KID, HE'S THE ONE WHO PLAGERIZED MY MATERIAL!" the man ordered. The secret agents nodded and each held one of Howdy's arms.

"You're coming with us kid," one agent said in a gruff voice.

"To where things that are happy turn into putty," the other said.

"Wait!" Laura hindered. "What are the charges?"

Before one of the agents could say anything, the man ran up to Laura and spat, "That kid stole my material!"

"Who are you again?" Laura retorted.

"Jim Gaffigan. The person that made up all of those jokes _legally_."

"Oh, that could end me up in prison…" Laura said as she cowered. She smiled uneasily and held out a pad of notebook paper and a pen. "I love you! Can I have your autograph?"

"What is with these ropes?" one agent asked.

"Oh, Laura tied us up to force us to watch Howdy's jokes that Laura forced him to tell," Hamtaro explained and pointed at a protesting Laura. The three men took their attention away from Howdy and walked to Laura.

"You made that kid tell those jokes illegally?" one agent inquired.

"No, I was just-"

"Yeah! And she abused us!" Hamtaro called out.

"I think that you need to come over to the police station with us for a while," an agent said and handcuffed Laura.

"Wait, so this isn't for the underage driving?" Laura said with glee, but shut her mouth immediately. One of the men wrote that down on the rap sheet. The three men switched expressions and then led her out the door.

"WHEN I GET OUT OF PRISON, ALL OF YOU ARE SO DEAD!" Laura screamed at the kids.

"_GASP! _Threatening messages, add that to her rap sheet!" Jim Gaffigan barked outside.

"No, you don't understand, I was just-"

"ANOTHER _GASP! _She talked back to a celebrity! Add that one, Joey!"

"_AND_ she's painted her face! I don't know if that's illegal, but put that on the charges!"

"I'M WRITING AS FAST AS I CAN, BUT THIS KID IS TOO BAD OF A DELINQUENT! THERE'S AT LEAST FIFTY PIECES OF CRAP ON HER RAP SHEET!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm SO sorry that was rushed. My fingers ache though… R&R, please, people?

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN. I'm arrested! Yeah, I know, I'm a stupid author, just go with it, ok? So who'll take care of the kids next chapter… OH, KENNEDY! YOU'RE UP!!! READ AND REVIEW PEOPLE, READ AND REVIEW.


	10. I'm Not Your Boyfriend!

**I'M SO SORRY FOR THE JIM GAFFIGAN JOKES!!!! MY FRIENDS (NO, NOT YOU GUYS ON FANFICTION) WANTED ME TO WRITE THEM DOWN AND STUFF! ONCE AGAIN, I APOLOGIZE!!! TRUST ME, I WAS SICK OF IT TOO!**

Nothing to say… Besides the fact that I DON'T own Hamtaro. AND I GOT A "B" ON MY ALGEBRA FINALS! YES, I ACTUALLY PRAYED THAT I WASN'T THE POOR SOUL WHO GOT A "D"!! THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T HAVE TO RETAKE ALGEBRA NEXT YEAR! THE ONLY BAD PART IS THAT I'M GOING INTO GEOMETY NEXT YEAR! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Chapter 10:

I'm Not Your Boyfriend!

"Hey, kids. Laura told me to come babysit you all," a person said as she entered the room. She must have been Kennedy, the person that Laura sent to take care of the kids for a while. Immediately, Cappy recognized her and started growling and hissing at the girl. Kennedy looked on and raised one of her eyebrows before walking towards the desk.

The only two that had gone home were Jingle and Sparkle, whose parents had picked them up. Sparkle managed to get a police escort to her play "I'm Perfect". To her surprise and our relief, no one attended.

"Okay, I'm pretty sure that you all are pretty nice… Besides that kid." Kennedy tossing her head towards Cappy. "So I made up some games for you guys to play. Let's see, there's always the Sharpie game-"

"DIDYOUSAYSHARPIES?!" Stan yelled.

"IWANNASNIFFTHESHARPIES!" Sandy shouted.

"GIMMETHESHARPIES!" Maxwell ordered and held out his arms.

Kennedy raised her hands up in the air and said, "Okay, okay! You have to find them though, that's the point of the game. Once you find the Sharpies, you can do anything you want with them… besides drugging other people and turning into a bunch of hippies."

"AWESOME!" the three chorused and dispersed into different directions, setting off to work to find the Sharpies.

"Um, next game is tag. I hope that I won't regret that," Kennedy mumbled, but the rest could hear her loud and clear. All of the boys screamed out in agreement to play tag, but Bijou and Pashmina begged to differ.

"Vee don't vanna play tag!" Bijou cried. "It'll get my 'air messed up!"

"What the albino said," Pashmina agreed and was hit the back of the head by the French girl.

"All righty, you two can go over and color or play dolls. Maybe even have a tea party," Kennedy said calmly. Bijou and Pashmina happily nodded and swarmed over the pint sized table for a tea party with all of the other dolls.

"These kids are too easy," Kennedy chuckled as she went back to the desk to relax. "I don't know what Laura was so worried about."

**In a jail cell…**

"You can't arrest me! I'm only thirteen!" Laura objected behind the cell's bars.

"_GASP!!! _She's only thirteen and on the FBI's top ten most wanted list? Write that down, write that down!" Jim Gaffigan shouted to a cop. "And she must be an identity thief!"

"_I'm _and identity thief?! _I'M _AND IDENTITY THIEF?!"

"She confessed! We have to get that!"

"I _demand _that you get me out of this jail cell!" Laura ordered and banged a mug on the bars.

"And she's annoying! You got that one?" Gaffigan asked to his companion.

"Sorry, chief. I'm going to have to ask you to repeat the other fifty that you said earlier. The ones after the whole 'author on FanFiction and tricking the good people of the Hamtaro section to read this story' thing…"

**Back at the Daycare…**

"Tag! You're it, Boss!" Panda giggled and fled from an eccentric Boss. Boss was wildly waving his arms in random directions, already knocking off a couple of teapots from the girls' tea part.

"So, Mr. Fuzzers," Pashmina began. "You want some sugar in that tea?"

Pashmina held out some "sugar cubes" (They were actually rocks she found on the playground) towards Mr. Fuzzers and waited patiently for his answer. When the stuffed bear just stared at her for what seemed like hours, Pashmina threw the sugar cubes at him.

"STUPID BEAR! I'M TALKING TO YOU, YOU KNOW! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED ON YOVILLE! I WAS ABOUT TO HOOK UP WITH THIS HOT GUY FROM ALBANIA AND HE JUST LOGGED OFF!" Pashmina sobbed and ran to a corner. Bijou was in the middle of pouring a cup of tea for Ms. Snuggles, a rabbit whose ear was bitten off. As Pashmina ran off, Bijou sighed and looked around for another person to join her tea party.

"Sandy! Vill you please come over 'ere?" Bijou called over to Sandy.

"SHARPIE, SHARPIE, SHARPIE! LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, GOTTA FIND THE SHARPIE! SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRPIE!!!"

"I guess zat vas a no." Bijou spun her head around to see Hamtaro and Boss playing tag with the other boys and she grinned.

"Yoo hoo! 'Amtaro, could you come over to play wiz me?" Bijou's lip quivered and tilted her head to the side like a puppy dog. Hamtaro, clueless as he was, skipped happily over to Bijou and plopped down on the chair without another word. He quickly grabbed a teacup and teakettle. Then, he tipped the teapot towards his teacup to find that the tea didn't come out.

"Hey! This tea disappeared!" Hamtaro gasped as he shook the tea pot a little to see if any liquid would come out. "I've been hacked!"

"Oh, you silly boy. Vee never had tea," Bijou giggled.

"What kind of tea party doesn't have tea?"

Bijou laughed again and said, "It is just pretend, silly. Now 'ave a scone."

"What the heke is a scone?!" But it was too late. Bijou shoved a scone into Hamtaro's mouth and the boy slowly chewed it with a pained expression. However, the more he chomped on the pasty, his face lit up and he swallowed. Pounding his fists on the table, he pointed his finger to his mouth.

"More cones! I want cones!" Hamtaro yelled.

Kennedy cast an alarmed expression towards Hamtaro and Bijou.

"It is called 'scones', 'Amtaro," Bijou said, a dreamy expression on her face as she reached for the plate that the scones were placed on.

"Whatever! This crap actually tastes good!"

Kennedy sent out another mortified face to Hamtaro.

"_Oui._ Vould you also like jelly donuts?" Bijou offered as she held out a plate of donuts.

"Yeah, yeah! And some Tech Dicks! I collect a lot of those, I put 'em in a jar in the back of my closet for safe keeping."

Kennedy's jaw dropped as she stared at the orange-headed kid, eyes bugging out of their sockets.

"I zhink zat it is called 'Tech Deck'," Bijou whispered and fed Hamtaro some more scones and jelly donuts. Hamtaro quickly gobbled the delicacies down and soon enough, the kid was stuffed. He picked at his teeth and rubbed his stomach in satisfaction.

"Man, those are good, Bijou!" Hamtaro complimented as he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and gave Bijou a quick hug. He got out of his seat and stretched, ready to leave the tea party that didn't have tea. Bijou smiled and then a light bulb went off in her head. She daintily waved at Hamtaro.

"Don't vorry, it is vhat _girlfriends_ do."

Hamtaro screeched to a stop and stopped his designated course. He slowly turned around to stared at Bijou for what seemed like hours. Bijou only looked at him absentmindedly, eyes fluttering and she sent out kisses every couple of seconds. Hamtaro's eye winced before he took off towards his friends.

"GUYS, GUYS, GUYS!" Hamtaro shouted to them. Right now, Cappy was 'it' and had just tackled Oxnard to the ground. The laughter and merriment ceased to a stop as everyone cast their attention towards Hamtaro. Hamtaro's mouth moved, but no words came out and he kept sending glances over his shoulder towards Bijou. Each time, the French girl gave a small wave and kiss, leading Hamtaro to whirl back around. Boss couldn't take any more of this.

"Spit it out, Hamtaro!" Boss ordered. Hamtaro seemed a little too dazed to speak.

"What?" Panda asked. "Did Maxwell find those Sharpies?"

Panda's question was answered from a "NO, NOT YET! BUT I BET THAT THEY'RE IN THE SEWER! DIVE, STAN, DIVE! I'LL TAKE ON THE ALLIGATOR!"

"Did ya have an accident?" Howdy inquired.

"Did you premiere on a television show called 'Hamtaro', but you were cancelled?" Dexter inquired as he adjusted his glasses.

"I loved that show! Hamtaro, little hamsters, big adventures!" Oxnard sung.

Just then, Cappy got face to face to Hamtaro, their noses only centimeters apart. "Did you _die_?"

"N-No," Hamtaro started slowly. "B-Bijou-"

"Bijou! Did she want to go on a date with me?" Boss asked excitedly and jumped up and down, sending a look of endearment towards his crush.

"Eww, Boss, girls are icky," Cappy gagged to get a swat in the back of the head by Boss.

"Bijou said that she was my girlfriend!" Hamtaro spluttered out.

"_WHAT?!_" all of the boys screamed.

"What?!" Kennedy yelled as she woke up.

"What?!" Pashmina screamed from her corner.

"What?!" Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan screeched from underground and popped out of the sewer.

"What?!" Laura and Jim Gaffigan cried out in the police station.

"What?!" the sun hollered.

"What?!" ChargingFowardBlind, HamtaroXbijouLover, Awesomewriter123, Michaiah, Emily H., BabyBlueHamster, Chipmunk4ever, and all of the other appreciated readers/reviewers gasped.

"WHAT?" the sky boomed. "I'M WRITING THIS AND YET, I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"

"What?" an old lady four hundred miles away said. "What? I can't hear you, dearie, my hearing's not what it used to be."

"That's what I said! Bijou said that she was my girlfriend!" sobbed Hamtaro. The boys all felt bad for Hamtaro, but the last thing that they wanted was to have Bijou love them. Boss stepped up to Hamtaro with a face of pure hatred on his face for Bijou choosing Hamtaro over him.

"Look, Hamtaro. If Bijou said that she was your girlfriend and you don't want her to be… You don't want her to be, right?" Boss stopped in the middle of the sentence for Hamtaro to answer. To his relief, Hamtaro nodded. Then, Boss continued, "Just let her down gently."

"Let her down gently?" Hamtaro repeated in awe. Boss nodded happily, praying that his plan would work.

"Thanks a million jillion, Boss! I'll let her down gently!" Hamtaro said and rushed over to Bijou. _Gotta let her down gently, let her down gently,_ Hamtaro thought with every step he took towards Bijou.

"Bonjour, 'Amtaro," Bijou greeted with a wide smile.

_Gotta let her down gently…_

"Did you vant anymore scones or donuts?" Bijou batted her eyelashes.

_Gotta let her down gently…_

"Uh, Bijou," Hamtaro started uneasily. _Gotta let her down gently…_

"_Oui_, 'Amtaro?" Bijou asked, staring brilliantly with those sapphire eyes.

_Gotta let her down gently…_

"I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!" Hamtaro snapped before his attention turned to the treats sorted out on the table. "Hey, can I have some?"

"_Oui_, I got zhem especially for you," Bijou sighed. She handed Hamtaro a scone and Hamtaro skipped back towards his friends, happy as could be before she said, "It's vhat _girlfriends _do."

"Girlfriends?" Hamtaro stopped dead and looked down at his cookie.

"AH, CATS!"

***

"Oh, hello, 'Amtaro," Bijou said, trying to sound seductive. Hamtaro was planning another escape from Bijou's fantasies and he ran back to her. He whipped out a wrapped present, held together with blue ribbon that matched Bijou's own ribbons.

"A present? For _moi_?" Bijou gasped and quickly opened up the present. A giant, mutant hamster came flying out onto Bijou's hair, hissing and screaming. Hamtaro crossed his arms across his chest, satisfied that the plan might work.

"Pretty gross, huh? Bet you don't want me to be your boyfriend anymore," Hamtaro said lazily.

"Oh, my gosh! I love it!" Bijou squealed and whipped out another mutant hamster. "Now, Ms. Snoogiewoozims has a boyfriend of her own!"

"Ah, cats!" Hamtaro stormed off and before looking around his shoulder and spat at Bijou, "I'm not your boyfriend!"

***

"Oh, hello, 'Amtaro," Bijou greeted in a dreamy state. Hamtaro was back at it again, but he put on a black mustache. Hamtaro rocked back and forth on his feet, sweating like heck right now.

"Uh, hello, Bijou. I have a message to you from Hamtaro." Hamtaro tugged his mustache and said quickly, "Which I am not."

"Yeah," Bijou said tiredly, knowing that it was actually Hamtaro before her.

"Um, Hamtaro has moved far, far away and cannot be your boyfriend anymore," Hamtaro told in a ridiculously low voice.

"Vhere did 'e move to?" Bijou countered, half closing her eyelids.

"Um… Across the block, to the next city-"

"Uh huh?" Bijou giggled.

Hamtaro looked at Bijou for a long time.

"He's dead. Hamtaro is dead," Hamtaro finished flatly. Bijou shrugged and held out a scone.

"Vant a treat, 'Amtaro?"

"WOULD I?!" Hamtaro hastily grabbed the pastry and stuffed it down his throat. It took a while before he realized that he just blew his cover.

"Ah, cats! I'm not your boyfriend!"

***

"Aren't you taking this a little too far, Bijou?" Pashmina scolded as Bijou had just completed her picture of Hamtaro and Bijou with hearts all around the page. Bijou ignored her friend and just kept coloring Hamtaro's tuxedo and her bouquet, scribbling in the hearts surrounding herself and Hamtaro. Seeming to be contented with her work of art, Bijou took a tack and nailed the picture to the wall for the entire world to see. Bijou sighed at her masterpiece while Pashmina immediately wanted to throw up.

"Bijou!" Hamtaro called over. "I'm trying to tell you something, something important, but I just can't say it. Here it goes, a little song that I made up for you."

Bijou squealed and clasped her hands together before sitting herself on one of the blue stools, dragging Pashmina with her. Hamtaro cleared his voice.

"I'm not your boyfriend! I'm not your boyfriend!" Hamtaro sung. Okay, so it wasn't really singing, it sounded more like a printer while a madman wrecked the cartridge with a chainsaw, but it managed to make Bijou tear up when Hamtaro finished, "I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!"

"Oh, 'Amtaro! Zat vas zee sweetest song ever!" Bijou yelped and ran over. She gave Hamtaro a huge bear hug and whispered into his ear, "You are zee best boyfriend ever!"

And with that, Bijou kissed Hamtaro on the cheek.

~**BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP~**

**Hello, all and welcome to my imaginary room inside the computer. We're sorry for the interruption to this horrible story, (No, no we're not…) but we are experiencing technical difficulties with the amount of horrendous screams that Hamtaro yelled. There is no way to tell you how much Hamtaro ran around the room and letting all of his emotions out because it would just be useless, no one could type enough of that to make you feel exactly the same way as Hamtaro. Now, I'm sure that some of you has been kissed by someone you did not want to be kissed by. That's what Hamtaro felt combined with the full force of the dreaded fear of cooties and so that, multiplied with the fictional elements of this story, equals 69,886 full kiloscreams. Shocking, I know. Let's get back to the story. Oh, and just so you know, recent news states that construction workers found three little kids running around the sewer system in a frantic search for Sharpies. That is all.**

**~BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP~**

"Uh, Hamtaro, what are you doing?" Boss asked when he opened the bathroom door to go to the bathroom. He found Hamtaro sitting in the sink (The toilet was clogged so Hamtaro didn't _dare_ go in there.) and rubbing his face with water.

"A girl kissed me and now I'm trying to rub it off," Hamtaro grumbled as he took a bar of soap and scraped it against his cheek. Boss sighed and leaned on the doorway.

"Listen, kid," Boss started slowly. Hamtaro turned his head towards his friend. "A girl kissed you. _Kissed _you."

"I know, it was gross!" Hamtaro sobbed and waved his arms up and down to emphasize his situation.

"You know what happens when a girl kisses you?" Boss asked while raising his eyebrow and leaning in.

"No… Do you have to go to the dryers and try to find those old socks in the back of the washing machine?" Hamtaro guessed.

"Uh, wrong answer."

"Dang, I thought I finally had a chance to get that Dora the Explorer stocking," Hamtaro groused and went back to washing his face, not interested in hearing any more of Boss's words. Boss started at Hamtaro a long time before spilling the beans. (Strangely enough, news reports that day said that some idiot spilled the biggest bean can in the world.)

"It means you have to _marry _her."

**~BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP~**

**Hello all, and we apologize for the technical difficulties again. However, this time, the reason for this special message was not because of the inability to actually type what Hamtaro felt or said, but how LOUD his scream was. In fact, his scream was so loud, that the giant, supercomputer (the iMac I'm typing on) shattered into billions of broken pieces. The monitor went haywire and soon enough, I had to evacuate the house just to find out that the tornado sirens in my neighborhood went off so I was stuck in the middle of a burning house to my right and a whirling vortex of death to my left. Hamtaro's scream was that loud, yes it was, to cause to a tornado and blow up my house. And in recent news, it seems that a thirteen-year-old girl has been captured for plagiarism, identity theft, illegal driving, child abuse, wearing a painted face, having an awesomely cool t-shirt that made the police jealous, swearing, talking on the cell phone too much, writing this story… The list goes on for about five miles, so why don't you just look it up? I'm too lazy to type all of that up. That is all.**

**~BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP~**

"I HAVE TO _MARRY _HER?!" Hamtaro gasped as he jumped out of the sink, soaking wet.

"Hamtaro," Boss scolded. "A girl kissed you. If word gets out that this girl kissed you and you didn't marry her… her reputation would be ruined."

"OH, NO!" Hamtaro screamed and made a bolt for the door. "I HAVE TO GO SAVE BIJOU'S REPUTATION!"

***

Bijou was chatting away to Pashmina about Dexter and Howdy and which one Pashmina should choose. The girls laughed and talked, not caring about anything else in the world… until Hamtaro ran up to Bijou. Pashmina frowned while Bijou had a confused look stamped onto her face. Hamtaro quickly got down on one knee and held one of Bijou's hands, heaving in deep breaths.

"Bijou…" Hamtaro huffed, out of breath from the run. "Will… You… You marry… me?"

"Vhat are you talking about?" Bijou asked as she dragged her hand back towards herself.

"Saving… your reputation…even though I have no idea what that is…" Hamtaro choked out, coughing a little. Bijou rolled her eyes.

"Look, you're getting _vay _too clingy. You come by every five minutes!" Bijou moved her arms around her to indicate her statement. "See zhis? Zhis is my space. I _need _my space. But vee can go out vhen ve're older, 'kay?"

Bijou then left with a laughing Pashmina, acting as if nothing had happened. Hamtaro was still on his left knee and staring at Bijou, wincing his eye and trembling his lip. For some reason, he felt empty in his stomach like he had missed Bijou already. The feeling of her kiss overtook him and he really wanted her to kiss her again. But he shook his head and got up, picking up a scone before singing joyfully,

"I'm not your boyfriend, I'm not your boyfriend, I'm not your boyfriend. Even if I sort of want to be… But for now, I'm not your boyfriend…"

* * *

Okay, I just HAD to write HamtaroXBijou! I kind of like them more than SandyXMaxwell right now. Shocking, huh? Anyway, the true facts in this story were the tornado thing. As some of you may know, a tornado hit around my neighborhood on Sunday. It didn't hit our house, but the hail totally hurt the backyard and dented the mailbox. The tornado hit the MALL. Out of all of the places, it hits Southlands?! WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN JAMIE'S HOUSE?! WHY?! OH, WHY, WHY, WHY?! THAT'S TWO WEEKS I CAN'T GO TO THE MOVIES OR MACY'S!!! And then, today, there was another tornado and the sirens when off. So I grabbed my hamster, Daisy, (cuz I liked her more than my brother's hamster…) and went down in the basement, waiting to die. Only guess what? No tornado. That was an hour of my life wasted. Anyway, please review!

(Yes, there ARE tornados in Colorado. Believe it or not, the part of Colorado I live in, which is the eastern side, is part of tornado alley. GASP! THAT MEANS I'VE SURVIVED TWO TORNADOS! IN ONE WEEK!)


	11. The Moral of the Story

YAY! UPDATES GALORE! Nothing to say here besides I was really bored and just decided to type this up. Thanks to all of the reviewers!

Disclaimer: I. Do. Not. Own. Hamtaro.

**This chapter is dedicated to my friend, Kennedy, because she read this whole story even if she doesn't have a clue what Hamtaro is. Thanks so much! You're the best friend I could ever have!**

Chapter 11:

The Moral of a Story

"C'mon, kiddos, it's story time!" Kennedy announced as she clapped her hands together. Everyone stopped what they were doing and rushed over to one corner of the room where Kennedy sat in a big recliner. A few bookshelves lined the sides of the walls and they were filled with different picture books and kid's stories.

"Hey, why do you get the big chair?!" Cappy yelled at Kennedy who had just sat down.

"Because I'm the one who's telling the story," Kennedy explained and whipped out a thick book filled with fairy tales. She looked around and counted the number of kids… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9… There were three missing. That's when she realized that the three kids who were on the Sharpie hunt were still scourging for Sharpies.

"Hey, where are the other three kids?" Kennedy asked the children. They all shrugged.

"Uh, I don't think that we can start without them-"

"IGOTTHESHARPIE!!!"

"GIMMETHESHARPIE,IT'SMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!"

All heads turned to the doorway were Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan were fighting to obtain one Sharpie. Only it wasn't exactly a Sharpie.

"Hey!" Kennedy called over to them. "That's not a Sharpie, that's a fish!"

Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan all whipped around to Kennedy. Sandy, who was currently in possession of the fish, swung the animal at Kennedy's face.

"Nuh-uh! This is, like, a Sharpie! And it's mine!" Sandy spat and waved the fish in Kennedy's face.

"IWANTTHESHARPIE!" Maxwell screamed.

"GIMMETHESHARPIE!" Stan hollered and Sandy stuck her tongue out at both of them.

_SMACK!!!_

She had slapped Stan and Maxwell with the fish in the face and the two rubbed their heads, looking a little dazed.

Maxwell blinked twice before gazing around the room. "Ugh, where am I? The last thing I remembered was the blue Sharpie I picked up."

"Dude, I feel your pain… And _whoa, _is that a _fish?_" Stan pointed a finger at a twitching Sandy, holding the fish in front of her like a sword.

"Sandy, give me the fish," Kennedy ordered and held out her hand.

_SMACK!!!_

"NEVEREVEREVER! IT'SASHARPIENOTAFISHY!" Sandy screeched and pointed her fish at Kennedy's face. Everyone stared.

"And you!" Sandy yelled at Pashmina, whisking around towards the cowering girl. "YOUWILLSUFFER!"

"What did I do?" Pashmina squeaked.

"LIKE,IJUSTDON'TLIKEYOU!"

_SMACK!!!_

Pashmina held her head after what seemed like a pound of bricks pummel down onto her face, eyes spinning. Sandy huffed and puffed, throwing her fish at anyone in sight.

"WE'VE GOT A FISH SMACKER!" Cappy screamed before getting slapped in the neck by the fish.

"RUN, RUN, FOR OUR LIVES!" Hamtaro yelled and Sandy smacked him down. She was now wearing a military helmet and camouflage clothing… I wonder how she got those.

"OMIGOSH, SAVE MY CUPCAKE!" Oxnard shouted and clutched his cupcake to his chest, retreating to a corner.

"Hey, you can't do that! It's so uncool to hit people with fish!" Kennedy scolded and wagged her finger in shame at Sandy.

_SMACK!!!_

"YOUCH! GAAAAAAH! THAT IS IT!" Kennedy hoisted a complaining Sandy onto the table, ripping the fish from Sandy's clutches.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! IWANTCHUCKIEBACK,GIVEMEBACKCHUCKIE!" Sandy wailed.

_SMACK!!!_

"Ugh, where am I?" Sandy said as she swayed from left to right as Kennedy put the fish down.

"That's it! The cure for Sharpies is fish!" Kennedy squealed and whipped out her cell phone. She dialed a few numbers and brought the phone to her ear, waiting for an answer. Finally, she could hear a "Hello?" at the other end.

"Hello? World Health Organization? This is a fellow American citizen to tell you that I have found the cure of Sharpies! It is… fish!" Kennedy yelled happily into the phone. A huge grin stretched ear to ear, but it faltered at the answer.

"What do you mean there's no such illness called Sharpies?"

All of the ham-hams rubbed their foreheads to get rid of pain from the fish while they listened to the conversation.

"What do you mean that I might be lying?"

Sandy rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment at slapping all of her friends and tilted her military helmet a little.

"What do you mean to stop repeating everything you say?"

The phone clicked and Kennedy puffed up her cheeks, screaming, "Well, at least I don't talk to my mother with that mouth!"

Kennedy slammed her cell phone on the table even though all she needed to do was stuff it back into her pocket, but she regained herself. "All right, who wants to read some stories?"

"I DO! I WANT TO HEAR SOME… stories?" Maxwell's outburst shocked everyone and they raised their eyebrows at the bookworm. Maxwell nervously laughed and said, "Yeah, well, we don't have to read."

"Um, let's read 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf', okay?" Kennedy pronounced. All the kids nodded and sat on a pillow or the rug as Kennedy fished (Ha, fish…) out the storybook. She wiped the liquid known as fish juice off of the cover and cleared her voice.

" 'Once upon a time-"

Hamtaro raised his hand. "What time? Because if it's happening right now, we should go get 9News to film this story."

Kennedy shot a warning glance at him and continued.

" 'Once upon and time, there was a boy who herded sheep-"

"Is that boy poor? Because if you're herding furballs, your life kind of sucks," Boss interrupted. Kennedy ignored the boy and kept reading.

" 'The boy who herded sheep was a trickster-"

"Was he well educated?" Maxwell interfered.

"OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? HE HAD PURPLE HAIR, HE HAD BUCK TEETH, HE LIKED TO SING ALONG WITH THE WONDERPETS, AND HE HATED CRANBERRIES! ARE THOSE ENOUGH DETAILS ABOUT THIS STUPID BOY FOR YOU?!" Kennedy screamed at them all, shutting her book.

"Yes. Please continue," Pashmina excused and waved her hand for Kennedy to go on. Kennedy coughed and ripped open her book again, every now and then glancing up at the kids.

"As I was saying… 'The boy was a trickster and loved to prank people. One day, he grew bored of watching over the sheep-"

"You said that he herded sheep," Cappy pointed out.

Kennedy took in a deep breath. "When you are a herder, you also watch over them. Kapeesh?"

"No kapeesh, just go on with the story," Dexter snapped. Kennedy looked up at the ceiling and sent a small prayer before turning her attention to the book.

" 'As a prank, he cried "Wolf!" to all of the villagers. They came running from their houses to see if the boy was hurt. However, when they got there was-"

"A HUNGRY BUFFALO!" Howdy called out.

"A NOODLE!" Stan shouted.

"A BLADE OF GRASS!" Oxnard yelled.

"No, there was 'nothing. So when the villagers asked the boy where the wolf was, he laughed and said, 'There is no wolf! I tricked you! And-"

"Okay, that dude is just an idiot. When you pull a prank, you don't _tell _people if you lied or not," Stan huffed. Kennedy rolled her eyes.

" 'And the villagers left, angry that they were tricked. Then, the boy grew bored and then cried out "Wolf!". The villagers came again and-"

"Like, those guys are so gullible," Sandy laughed. She turned to Bijou and said, "Hey, Bij! Like, you know that if you say 'dolphin' real slow, it sounds like 'gullible'."

Bijou tilted her head a little and started to pronounce dolphin real slow. "Do-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-"

"BUWHAHAHAHAHA!" Sandy laughed hysterically. "You sound so gullible right there!"

"Hey, Sandy, did you know zat you 'air is turning pink?" Bijou giggled.

"GACK! I HATE PINK!" Sandy screamed and grabbed a fistful of hair while it was Bijou's turn to laugh. Kennedy sighed and held the book in front of them. _And this story was to help them stop lying, _she thought.

"Do you want me to finish this or not?" Kennedy questioned with deep concern.

"No, not really, but we don't have a choice," Sandy said. Kennedy sighed again and Laura called out from the police station "You sigh too much! It's weird!" (1)

"Anyway," Kennedy said and flipped to another page. "'The villagers came once again to find that they boy had been lying again. They all were very angry and went back to their homes.

" 'Then, a little while later, a _real _wolf came out by the boy. The boy cried "Wolf!", but no one came because they thought that the boy was just tricking them again.

" 'And so the wolf ate the boy. The end.' "

It was very quiet then. Kennedy rested her chin on her hands and said, "So what was the moral of this story?"

Sandy was the first to answer. "That people are, like, idiots and have no lives?"

Kennedy sent a small smile at her and shook her head 'no'.

"That if you lie, you'll be eaten by a wolf?" Maxwell guessed.

"_Gasp! _I've lied bunches of times before so that means that I'm going to be eaten by an oversized Chihuahua?!" Panda gasped. and started to run around the room in a panicked state.

"No," Kennedy said. She looked around for any more guesses and then declared, "The moral is that you shouldn't lie because it just brings you trouble."

Boss's face scrunched up. "That's stupid. I lie everyday and I haven't gotten eaten by a wolf."

Just then, a giant wolf came bursting through the room and the others just stared. The wolf cleared his voice and said, "I'm looking for a Mr. Boss. Has anyone seen him?"

No one answered and the wolf sighed, then left.

"I take back what I said," Boss mumbled. He looked up and said, "So the moral is that you shouldn't live anywhere near wolves."

Kennedy gazed at him a long time before nodding her head.

"Yes, the moral of 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' is to not live near wolves."

She flipped to another page and said, "So, what do you guys want to read?"

"Oh! Can we read something violent and gory?" Stan suggested.

"No… Let's just read 'The Three Little Pigs'," Kennedy said slowly and tossed the page to a new section. Eyeing the awaiting ham-hams and taking a deep breath, she started.

" 'Once upon a time-" She looked at Hamtaro, but he was busy moving his eye in front of his finger. "There were three pig brothers that left their home to start their own life and decided to build separate houses. The first pig decided to build his house with hay-"

"BUWHAHAHAHA! HAY?! HOW DID HE GLUE THAT TOGETHER?!" Boss cackled.

"Indeed. A house of hay would be easily knocked down," Dexter agreed.

Kennedy flashed them an irritated look and mumbled, "I'm getting to that part."

"HAY?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! THIS IS THE FUNNIEST STORY I'VE EVER HEARD!"

"Shut up, Boss," Hamtaro snapped. Boss topped laughing and sent a glare out to Hamtaro.

"Please?" Hamtaro smiled. Kennedy rubbed her temple and leaned back into her recliner.

" 'The first one made his house with straw-"

"I thought you said 'hay'," Maxwell observed.

"They're basically the same thing!" Kennedy wailed.

"No, the straw could be bendy. You know, bendy straws," Panda huffed.

"Hey, boyfriends will stab you in the heart, friends will stab you in the back, but only best friends poke each other with bendy straws!" Pashmina laughed.

"Anyway, 'The first one made his house with straw because he would built his house much more quickly and could have more time for fun. The second one built his house with sticks for the same reason-"

"And the third one lived in a cardboard box, didn't he?" Pashmina sighed.

Kennedy ignored her and continued, "And the third one built his out of bricks even though it was such hard work."

"Finally!" Maxwell gasped. "A guy who actually knows the difference between a sidewalk and a catwalk!"

"While the first pig was enjoying the day and playing, he didn't know that a wolf was nearby and was ready to eat the pig. But the pig figured out that the wolf was by his house and rushed inside. He locked the door and the wolf said, 'Open up, pig' and… UGH, THIS STORY IS WAY TOO LONG!" Kennedy threw down the book and looked at the kids.

"So what happens is that the wolf hacks into the pig's house, blows it down 'cuz it's built of straw and then blows down the second pig's house. Those two pigs go to their brother's house and it's made of brick and stuff and the wolf tries to blow it down-"

"That guy's demented," Maxwell said snobbishly.

"What's demented?" Sandy questioned.

"Mental."

"Ahem, if I could continue," Kennedy said, coughing purposefully. She smiled uneasily and resumed telling the story. "So the wolf tries to blow it down, but he can't so he tries to get through the roof and eat the pigs there, and blows up."

…

" 'E blows up?" Bijou whispered.

"Like Boss was about to do?" Oxnard murmured.

"Say what?" Kennedy gasped. "Boss was about to blow up?"

"Yeah! I can show you a demonstration. Boss just needs to swallow another elephant…" Hamtaro's voice drifted off as he searched for another stuffed toy. But Kennedy didn't know that…

"Uh, I'm fine," Kennedy mumbled and turned her attention to the others. "The wolf blew up because, well, he fell down the chimney and landed up in a pot of boiling water. And the pigs kind of ate him.."

…

"This is a children's story?" Pashmina said in disbelief.

"Yeah, well, that's not the point. So what's the moral here?"

Everyone thought for a while before bringing up a bunch of ideas.

"Be well prepared."

"Don't be a pig."

"Are you kidding me? Dude, don't be a _wolf._"

"Never build a house out of straw or you will get blown away."

"Stories like zhis waste our time."

"Once upon a time, there was an ugly duckling. He was so ugly that everyone died."

"Cappy, that's not a moral," Kennedy said bitterly and Cappy hung his head down in disappointment.

"Bricks are fun to throw."

"Pigs are retards. Same with wolves."

"We shouldn't take these stories seriously because no evidence states that there were ever talking animals."

"Like, live sucks. And pigs suck too because they could have swine flu and we will all die."

Kennedy clapped her hands together and laughed, "Well, those were all _very _good. But the moral is that even if it might take hard work, it's all worth it in the end."

"Wait, that can't be right," Maxwell said. "If I took notes on some stupid Dr. Seuss movie when it was the last day of school, that wouldn't help me at all."

Kennedy's smile disappeared and she admitted, "Yeah, Laura just told me to read the stories to you guys so Oxnard couldn't jack any more cupcakes."

Then, she wondered what Laura was doing right now.

**In a prison…**

"I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Laura squealed and quickly dug under the barbwire fence off to freedom.

"NO!" Jim Gaffigan screamed and fell to his knees. "We weren't done with her rap sheet! We still need to write down 'eating ramen for breakfast' and 'wearing plain socks'!"

"Chief, just let her go," a person sighed.

"Why?!"

"Because the cells are already full… She didn't do anything," his comrade explained while crossing his arms.

"You idiot!" Gaffigan spat. "She had a sentence! A sentence, I tell you!"

"Yeah, for five minutes in prison…"

"JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED!!!"

"Oooooh! Can I get fries with that?" a second officer squawked.

**Back at the Daycare…**

"I now know what Laura meant when she said that these kids are evil!" Kennedy sobbed as Boss rolled out of the kitchen with a couple of matches.

"Now you're doing great so far with the whole crying like a baby thing. To continue this game-"

"Vhat game is it, 'Amtaro?" Bijou wondered.

"Cowboys and Indians, Bijou!" Hamtaro replied cheerfully and faced Kennedy. "All you have to do, cowboy, is scream while we burn you at the stake!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

Then, Laura burst through the door, out of breath, and cracked her knuckles. "Wow, that was my exercise for today. Hey, Kennedy, what's going on?"

"What's going on?! WHAT'S GOING ON?! These kids are going to burn me alive!" Kennedy cried out, struggling to get out of the ropes that attached her to the stake.

Laura blew a lock of hair away and said, "Oh, please. We don't have matches."

"Yes, we do!" Boss called out and lit one match. Laura stared at him for a while before screaming her head off.

"BAD, BAD CHOKING KID! DON'T PLAY WITH FIRE!" Laura screeched and yanked the match out of Boss's clutches. She lifted the match dangerously close to her head as she disciplined the kids.

"You should never, ever, _ever _use these matches. See, it says for ages 7 and up. You guys aren't 7, so don't you even DARE touch this and…"

"Uh, Laura. Hate to interrupt your rant, but you might want to take a look at your hair," Kennedy disrupted.

"What are you-OMIGOSH, HOLY MOTHER FLIPPING CRAP, MY HAIR'S ON FIRE!" Laura took the lock that was on fire and blew on it heavily, trying to put the fire out.

"I'LL SAVE YOU! THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR DOCTOR/LAWYER HAMTARO!" Hamtaro announced and bolted for the dress up closet.

"N-No! You're not supposed to play doctor!" Laura protested, but was a little too caught up with her hair.

"Did she say holy mother flipping crap? I want to flip holy crap!" Cappy cheered.

"PUT IT OUT, PUT IT OUT!" Laura screamed, jabbing her finger at the fire that already burnt an inch off of her hair.

"I'LL GET CHUCKIE!" Sandy declared and grabbed Chuckie the Fish. She swatted Laura's hair with Chuckie the Fish, despite Laura's protests, and seemed to enjoy it.

"I thought that Sandy wasn't high!" Pashmina bawled as Sandy almost slapped Chuckie the Fish at her face.

"I don't know, she just always acts like this," Stan shrugged. Laura was screaming and screaming until Hamtaro came around, hauling a pail of water.

"GIMME THAT WATER!" Laura demanded and Hamtaro screamed at the outburst, spilling the water all over Laura's head, and ran.

"OH, THANK YOU LORD!" Laura gasped as the water soaked into her eyes. She rubbed them and then they started to burn. Slowly, and closing her eyes, she turned to Hamtaro. "Was that water?"

"I don't know. I just found some stuff in the cabinet and poured it into the bucket," Hamtaro said innocently. Laura nodded and then let out the biggest gasp.

"See? And you say that I sigh too loud," Kennedy huffed.

"THAT IDIOT THREW VINEGAR IN MY EYES! HOLY SALTINE CRACKERS OF SATURN, VINAGAR. IN. MY. EYES! I'M GONNA DIE!!!" Laura sprinted out of the room towards the bathroom while Sandy chased after her, still using Chuckie the Fish as her cure for 'hair on fire' syndrome.

Kennedy looked around and then coughed, "Anyone going to untie me?"

Another person burst through the door and, believe it or not, it was Jim Gaffigan and a bored police crew. Laura came out of the bathroom, still wiping her eyes a bit and then turned to Kennedy.

"Yeah, well, you better get yourself untied," Laura mumbled.

"_GASP!!! _She's holding someone hostage! Put that on her rap sheet, Joey!" Jim Gaffigan and Joey took out a REALLY long piece of paper, scribbling something down.

"No, wait, she wasn't-" Kennedy started only to be interrupted.

"Hey! That's not a hostage! That's her accomplice!" Jim Gaffigan shouted and pointed at Joey, opening his mouth but Joey spoke.

"I know, I know. Write that down," Joey mumbled and wrote that down.

"Get 'em!" Jim Gaffigan ordered.

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE COPPERS!" Laura cackled, untied Kennedy, and the two ran out the door.

**Two minutes later in a jail cell…**

"Oh, damn, that was FUN!" Kennedy laughed in cell 786. "Let's do that again!"

"Idiot," Laura muttered in cell 785.

**Back at the daycare…**

"Hey, there aren't any old people here anymore," Hamtaro noticed as the policemen left.

"Who's going to take care of us?" Bijou gasped.

To babysit or not to babysit, THAT is the question. **Who's ready to babysit for $4.50 an hour?!**

* * *

Was that funny? I don't think that it was funny… Anyway, this chapter was pretty hard to write because of all the craziness. If word didn't get out, I'm DONE with Ribbons of Change, so you might want to look at that one.

**OH, OH! ANYONE CAN SEND IN A REVIEW IF THEY WANT TO ENTER THE NEXT CHAPTER! IF YOU WANT BE THE POOR IDIOT THAT IS GOING TO BABYSIT THESE HAM-HAMS, JUST SEND ME A PM OR SAY IT IN YOUR REVIEW! THE CONTINUATION OF THIS DEPENDS ON ALL WHO DECIDE TO ENTER THE NEXT CHAPTER!**

(1) I'm not kidding. Kennedy ALWAYS sighs, even to break the silence. I'm the only who gets pissed about it so I just had to put that.

**Read and review. NOW.** **CLICK THE BUTTON, DANG IT!**


	12. The Unlucky Trio Part 1

Wow, I didn't know you suckers actually liked this story that much to really BE in it… Um, just kidding? Anyway, the readers who are going to enter this chapter are:

**HamtaroXbijouLover (Dave)**

**Michaiah (Kassidy)**

**BabyBlueHamster (Baylee) **

Disclaimer: I don't own Hamtaro. Now I'm going to run to that corner and cry my heart out for not owning it.

Chapter 12:

The Unlucky Trio Part 1

"Hey, you kids! Say hi to Kassidy!"

All the ham-hams turned around to see three people enter the door and their jaws dropped. The oldest one, about twenty, stood in the middle and wore a huge smirk on her face. She had a forest green, knee-high skirt and a pale white shirt that had an albino hamster printed on the front. In big, black letters, the words below the hamster read "Ham-Ham Adoption Center". Then, she put on a neon green headband covered in pink butterflies and wore gold hoop earrings, a ruby ring and another gold ring on her left index finger, a gold necklace with a heart-shaped locket, black fish nets stockings, and white sandals. Her fingernails were painted a vibrant electric blue while her toenails were smeared with hot pink nail polish. Even though she gave the ham-hams a bright smile, they could feel a sense of dread.

The girl on the left looked to be average looking with brown hair and sunglasses on top of her head. She was all dressed for summer with white short shorts, a tank top, and a small sunburn on her both of her arms. She shot out only a small smile and looked uncertain of what to do next, her eyes dashing back and forth at the older girl. (I'm so sorry if this isn't you, BabyBlueHamster! I'm just making up stuff as I go!)

The boy only frowned and casted a bored look at the ceiling. He had black spiked hair and wore a white t-shirt with a light pink-collar shirt over it. Hands jammed into his black jean's pockets, he inspected every corner of the room with distaste. (Sorry if this isn't you, HamtaroXbijouLover. And sorry that I made you wear pink if you don't like pink. You'll see why I put that in later.)

"Hey there, ham-hams!" the older one yelled out making everyone jump, even her companions. "I'm Kassidy and I'll be taking care of you with these guys until Laura gets back from prison- I mean KFC."

Kassidy turned her head towards the girl with the sunglasses on her head and she nodded. The girl smiled and announced, "I'm Baylee. Glad to see you all."

Baylee and Kassidy, including the ham-hams, turned their heads toward the remaining person who was busy trying to kill a fly. He looked at them and gulped. "Why are you all staring at me? Heck, I know I'm beautiful and all, but have some _control._"

Kassidy rolled her eyes and said through gritted teeth, "Just introduce yourself. What's your name?"

The boy's eyes widened in fright and he slowly turned to everyone else. "Ummmmmmm."

Baylee raised an eyebrow. "You do have a name, don't you?"

"Yeah, yeah!" the boy cried out nervously. "It's, um… Dave! My name is Dave! Without a doubt, it's totally Dave. SO STOP STARING AT ME! I'M NOT CRAZY, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S CRAZY, I'M NOT CRAZY! STOP STAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRING!!!"

Heaving in deep breaths, Dave smoothed out his hair and folded his arms across his chest like nothing had ever happened.

Kassidy, ignoring him, turned back to the children. "Okay, everyone! Me and Baylee and… Dave are going to split you up in to groups with a different daycare leader. Let's see, which one of you have the most money on you?"

Howdy raised his hand. "Uh, let's have gander at this. I have thirty six cents."

Kassidy clapped her hands and said, "Awesome! Who else has money?"

Pashmina and Bijou both said, "My parents are rich. I have a really big house."

Then, Panda just picked up a quarter and stuffed it into his pockets.

"Wait, wait!" Kassidy called out. "You have money, right?"

Panda nodded uneasily.

"Great! So I have… What are your names?"

"Bijou."

"Howdy."

"Pashmina."

"Panda."

Kassidy clapped her hands again, looking overjoyed. "Great! That's just awesome. So Baylee, choose who you want to take of."

Baylee scratched her head for a good person to choose. First impressions are often misleading, but she judged them anyway. She pointed to Cappy, Dexter, Sandy, and Maxwell. "Uh, I guess I can take care of those four. If it's not too much trouble."

Kassidy nodded quickly and then turned to Dave. She sighed, "And you'll get those four."

Hamtaro, Oxnard, Stan, and Boss all slowly turned to each other in fright of Dave's silence throughout the duration of the introductions, but Dave didn't have much of a reaction besides yawning. Hamtaro decided to speak to become friendly.

"Dave, why are you wearing pink? Are you being a warrior like Boss?" Hamtaro questioned. Dave looked down at the boy.

Rolling his eyes, Dave answered. "You like the color red, right kid?"

Hamtaro bounced his head up and down while Oxnard and Boss slowly nodded their heads. Stan just stood there, listening intently.

"Well, pink is red, only lighter," Dave said simply before walking over to the table and pulling out a laptop.

"Whoa," Stan gasped, a smile on his face as he thought of himself wearing pink.

Hamtaro said in awe. "Life makes sense now."

Boss slapped his forehead while Oxnard merely shook from head to toe at the thought of red being pink and pink being red… only lighter.

"All right," Kassidy declared as she got every kid in her group to huddle. "Where's the money?"

Howdy pulled out his thirty-six cents, Pashmina held out a nickel, Panda supplied the group with a quarter, and Bijou held out a million dollar bill. Kassidy's eyes were as big as saucepans when she saw Bijou's bill. It was as if there was a bright light from heaven shining down on the money.

"H-Holy," Kassidy stuttered, moving her hand towards the bill. "W-Where in God's name did you get this?!"

Bijou shrugged. "I found it on zee street."

Maxwell, eavesdropping on their conversation and seeing the million dollar bill, leaned towards Sandy and whispered, "She does realize that there is no such thing as a million dollar bill, right?"

Sandy lifted her shoulders up and down. "I don't know. I gave that bill to Bijou as, like, a prank."

Kassidy made a grab for the bill, kissing and embracing it while the others looked on with sick faces. Kassidy stopped in the middle of a passionate kiss and stuffed the bill into her pocket. "Uh, I'll just keep this in a safe place. AND OH, MY GOSH! MONEY IS SO DANGEROUS, SOMEONE COULD HAVE SPREAD THEIR GERMS ON IT! GIMME THE MONEY!"

Howdy, Pashmina, and Panda screamed and threw the change at Kassidy's face who scrambled to retrieve every last cent. After counting the amount twice, she dropped all of the coins into her pocket along with the million-dollar bill. The kids stared at her in confusion and Kassidy cleared her voice.

"Uh, who wants to eat something?"

***

"So, let's all introduce ourselves," Baylee pronounced, sitting down on the carpet and beckoning the other four kids to do so. Dexter, Maxwell, Sandy, and Cappy smiled a little before feeling a little comfortable to talk to this new girl. She was a heck a lot nicer than the other two daycare leaders.

"Okay, well, I'm Baylee," Baylee started and thought a little about what she was about to say. "And I wanted to do this job because I want to be famous across the internet."

"I'm Dexter!" Dexter said loudly. "And I hate ugly people."

"HEY!" Cappy barked. "I TAKE THAT OFFENSIVE, YOU RACIST LITTLE-"

"Now, now," Baylee interrupted. "Let's use our inside voices. Why don't you go next, little fella?"

She pointed at Maxwell and Maxwell said slowly, "I'm Maxwell and I like to read about nuclear fusion, Ohm's Law, De Morgan's Law, poems that explain the racism that still occurs throughout the world, Maxwell's equations and Maxwell's relations-"

"Whoa!" Sandy said, shocked at the familiarity of the name. "You created sanitation?"

"_Equations. _I didn't create any equations, just another person with my name did," Maxwell corrected proudly.

"Wow, I totally love those… invasions!" Sandy yelped and then continued on to her own introduction. "Well, I'm Sandy and I have a pet fishy!"

Baylee's eyes lit up at the normality of having a pet fish. "Really? What kind of fish is it?"

Sandy pointed over to the drawer that held her fish. "It's, like, over there. I'll go get it!"

"Um, okay, hurry back," Baylee said slowly and watched in horror as Sandy ran over to the drawer. She quickly put on a gas mask before opening the drawer to reveal a rotten fish that had some of its scales peeled off and one eye hanging out of it's socket.

"Ugh, Chuckie, you really let yourself go," Sandy giggled and held out Chuckie the Fish towards Baylee.

"Ahhh, ahh," Baylee breathed.

"You like him? I think he likes you too! His name is Chuckie the Fish and I slap people with him," Sandy cheered, shoving Chuckie the Fish in Baylee's face.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, THAT'S DISGUSTING, SOMEONE GET SOME FEBREEZE IN HERE, I CAN'T BREATHE!" Baylee sobbed and ran away from Chuckie the Fish as far as possible.

"Well, I'm Cappy and I think that Chuckie the Fish is evil," Cappy muttered quietly while Sandy sprinted off after Baylee to get her a welcoming slap from Chuckie the Fish.

***

"So, like, what are supposed to do now?" Stan wailed as he, Hamtaro, Boss, and Oxnard sat on their chairs for about one minute.

"Geez, why do kids have such short attention spans?" Dave complained behind his computer. "You guys need to just shut up and sit, okay?"

"I don't like you. My friends, they don't like you either," Boss snarled. Dave ignored him. Then, Kassidy waltzed over to Dave, pointing at her wrist for the time.

"Okay, I seriously hate it when people point at their wrists for the time!" Dave howled. "I know where my watch is, do you know where yours is? I mean, when I have to use the bathroom, I don't point at my-" (1)

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, CAPPY STOP PRETENDING TO BE ZEUS! SANDY, STOP SLAPPING DEXTER WITH CHUCKIE, AND MAXWELL, BE A NORMAL KID AND STOP CROUCHING DOWN IN THE EMO/ANTI-SOCIAL CORNER!" Baylee screamed as she tried to calm her daycare group down, but had no avail. She was slapped in the face with Chuckie, Maxwell started to cry for being in the emo corner, and Cappy just continued to throw invisible lightning bolts at people.

Dave slowly turned around to Kassidy. With a confused look on his face, he asked, "We have an emo corner?"

Kassidy shrugged and put two fingers in her mouth. Before she could whistle, Pashmina screamed, "SHE'S FLIPPING ME OFF IN BUBBLEBARTIAN! WELL, I'LL FLIP YOU OFF IN JAPANESE!"

Pashmina shot her pinkie up in the air.

"What are you doing?" Sandy sneered after giving Dexter another slap with Chuckie the Fish.

"Being British!" Pashmina joked as she held her pinkie finger higher in the air. (2)

"HEY, SHE'S FLIPPING ME OFF IN JAPANESE! I'LL FLIP HER OFF IN FRENCH, _OUI?!_" Bijou stuck her index and middle finger in the air at Pashmina.

"Hey, look!" Stan shoved his thumb up. "I'm saying 'poop' in Chinese!"

"Oh, yeah? This is 'shut up' in Sandese!" Sandy yelled and slapped Chuckie the Fish at Stan's face.

"I'LL FLIP YOU ALL OFF IN AMERICAN IF YOU DON'T BE QUIET!" Kassidy bellowed. Pashmina, Bijou, and Stan lowered their hands down while Sandy brought Chuckie the Fish to her side.

"_Now_," Kassidy huffed. "It's snack time, so get at the table. You will now address me as 'General Kassidy", you hear me, maggots?"

Everyone, even Dave and Baylee, brought a hand to their forehead and shouted, "Sir, yes, sir!"

Kassidy cast them each the look of death.

"We mean," Baylee said shakily. "Ma'am, yes, ma'am!"

"Good, now move out!" Kassidy ordered and everyone ran over to the table.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ha, look! My cookie is staring at me, Bijou!" Hamtaro laughed as he pointed at his unmoving. Bijou turned her head to see if she could find the face, but failed to see any eyes or smile. Hamtaro laughed at his cookie and pressed an ear to his food.

"What's that Sir Chocolate Chip?" Hamtaro giggled. "You want to go swimming? In milk? Of course!"

With that, Hamtaro grabbed his cookie and dunked it into his milk, splashing and swooshing it around. Some of milk got into his hair, but he only laughed. Until some of the milk got into his eye of course.

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! I HAVE MILK IN MY EYE!" Hamtaro yelled, rubbing his eyes. "I'M GOING TO TURN INTO A COW NOW! I DON'T WANNA TURN INTO A COW, THEY HAVE _GAS_."

"Hey, Boss, that isn't how you're supposed to eat an Oreo cookie," Oxnard said confidently as Boss stuffed an Oreo into his mouth.

"Oh, yeah. Well 'ow do you eat it den?" Boss retorted, a mouthful of cookies in his mouth.

"Like this!" Oxnard replied happily and carefully peeled apart the cookie from the frosting. Then, licking the frosting as fast as he could, he rejoined the two cookie parts together and submerged the poor cookie into the milk.

"NO!" the cookie said before Oxnard plunged it into the milk. "I STAND FOR OREO RIGHTS! Wait, no, not that! PLEASE, PLEASE, I HAVE A WIFE AND TWO KIDS! NOT THE DUNK OF DEATH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHH *gurgle, gurlge* AAAAACK!!"

But it was too late and Oxnard filled himself with Oreo goodness while Boss stared in horror at the screaming of the doomed Oreo cookie. He thought about the Oreo cookie that he just swallowed and went to go throw up in the bathroom.

Oxnard pumped his fists in the air. "I win!"

"Max, you have to try this juice," Stan said as he held a box of Juicy Juice in Maxwell's face.

"Uh, no thanks, Stan. I-" However, Stan accidently tilted the juice into Maxwell's opened mouth and the bookworm slowly swallowed. Quickly, he grabbed Stan by the collar of his shirt.

"OKAY, WHAT DID YOU IMPLANT IN ME?! POISON? A PARASITE? POISON?" Maxwell brought a hand to his mouth before saying, "Wait, I already said that… SEE, I'M ALL DISCOMBOBULATED NOW! I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT!"

"Whoa, dude!" Stan uttered. "What did that Juicy Juice do to you?"

"And snack time wouldn't be complete without any vitamins," Baylee sang and gave each kid a vitamin. Each kid looked down at their vitamins in distaste, slowly looking up at the daycare leaders who were either not paying attention or smiling for them to eat the vitamin. Boss came out of the bathroom and looked at the vitamin, thinking that it was candy.

"Hey! Is that a Smartie! My friend choked on a Smartie, I want to see if I can choke on a Smartie!" Boss yelped. (3)

"But, Boss," Hamtaro started. "You already choked, remember?"

"Naw, he was about to explode," Howdy laughed.

All three daycare leaders looked at one another with alarmed expressions.

But Boss already popped the vitamin in his mouth and quickly chewed. He moved his eyes around for taste and spat most of the contents out. "EWWWWWW!! THAT'S NOT A SMARTIE!"

"Yeah, I'm not a Smartie, but Maxwell is Nerd!" Cappy chuckled.

"It's a vitamin, moron," Dave shouted to Boss and went back to his laptop. However, Boss didn't have much of a reaction besides jumping on top the recliner and taking a top hat off of a rack.

"Huh. I never noticed that we had hats," Baylee muttered as Boss started singing. Unfortunately, he was singing "LoveGame" by Lady Gaga.

**~BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP~**

**Hello, readers, and we apologize for the interruption in this story. This is not about technical difficulties, but a warning of how much you will be scarred for life if you read this one piece with Boss singing LoveGame. If you don't know the lyrics, I suggest that you skip this part and for those of you who know the lyrics, you know where this is going. And in recent news, the police have been searching for hours for two girls, one who was an accomplice, and the other that has so many things listed on her rap sheet, that it would take a day to read them off. That is all.**

**BUT I AM NOT KIDDING ABOUT THE SCARRED FOR LIFE THING. SAVE YOURSELF. THE FOLLOWING CONTENT IS NOT SUITED FOR ANYONE WITH WEAK CONSTITUTION.**

**~BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP~**

Boss leapt on top of the table where the ham-hams were eating and started singing.

_Let's have some fun,_

_This beat is sick,_

_I wanna take a ride on your disco stick!_

_Let's have some fun,_

_This beat is sick,_

_I wanna take a ride on your disco stick!_

"Oh, Lord," Dave mumbled at the ceiling, praying that this would be over anytime soon. Meanwhile, Baylee and Kassidy were in a frantic search in the kitchen for the vitamin bottle, which contained the vitamins that Boss had eaten. However, they forgot to take away the vitamins from the other ham-hams… Fatal mistake.

"What are the ingredients?" Kassidy demanded. "My paycheck relies on your reading speed!"

"Uh, uh," Baylee repeated, squinting to see the contents. "Vitamin A, Vitamin B, Vitamin C, Vitamin D… Wait, isn't that what the sun gives off?"

"JUST READ THE FRIGGN' INGREDIENTS!!!"

"Oh, right. Uh, Vitamin E and… Chemical X?"

A big _BOOM _was heard from the other room. Baylee and Kassidy looked at each other opened mouthed and rushed back into the main room. It was then they realized that everyone took their vitamins.

"Hey, you two!" Dave called back, looking relaxed and contented. "You so have to see this. I should have become a daycare leader a _long _time ago!"

"What are you talking about…" Kassidy's voice drifted off as she fainted from the scene.

Everyone was singing a different, random song in groups or by themselves. It was earsplitting to listen it all at once, but Dave was videotaping this on his phone, laughing the entire time.

Dexter and Howdy were singing "Boom Boom Pow".

_I like that boom boom pow, _

_Them chickens jacking my style_

_They try to cut my swagger_

_I'm on that next shit now…_

Maxwell and Hamtaro were singing "I Like it, I Love it".

_I like it, I love, I want some more of it_

_I try so hard; I can't rise above it,_

_Don't know what it is 'bout that little gal's lovin',_

_But I like it, I love it, I want some more of it…_

Bijou and Sandy were screaming out "Piece of Me."

_I'm Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous,_

_You want a piece of me?_

_I'm Mrs. Oh, my God that Britney's shameless_

_You want a piece of me…_

Stan and Panda were yelling over the others the song called "Everywhere I Go."

_Let's get this party started,_

_Let's keep them 40's poppn',_

_So just get buzzed and stay fucked up,_

_We'll keep them panties dropping…_

Cappy was singing all by himself with "Marilyn Manson Ate my Girlfriend".

_Because Marilyn Manson ate my girlfriend,_

_Satan consumed her mind, and he may do it again,_

_Marilyn Manson ate my girlfriend…_

Pashmina was yelling at her top of her lungs, trying to sing "I Kissed a Girl".

_I kissed a girl and I liked it,_

_The taste of her cherry Chapstick,_

_I kissed a girl just to try it,_

_Hope my boyfriend don't mind it…_

Oxnard… Still today, it has puzzled even some of the world's greatest experts in singing of what song he was singing. Really, all he was singing was, "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! LEMON CAKES! APPLE COBBLER! CUPCAKES! SUNFLOWER SEEDS! MACARONI AND CHEESE! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!"

Then, of course, Boss was continuing his song to our dismay. My fingers are shaking so hard as I write this. He turned to the three daycare leaders, including Kassidy, whom was finally waking up. Too bad she missed most of the madness. But this is where it gets good.

Boss yelled out, "GET READY FOR THE FINALE! YOU READY!"

"YES!" the kids shouted.

"NO!" Dave, Kassidy, and Baylee cried out.

Boss took a deep breath before whipping out his microphone and singing at the top of his lungs into it.

_LET'S HAVE SOME FUN,_

_THIS BEAT IS SICK,_

_I WANNA TAKE A RIDE ON YOUR DISCO STICK!_

_I WANNA KISS YOU,_

_BUT IF I DO THEN I MIGHT MISS YOU, BABE_

Dave covered his ears, hollering, "NO, NOT THIS SONG! PLEASE, NOT THIS SONG!!"

We're going to skip the inappropriate stuff to save your lunch… and my reputation.

_LET'S PLAY A LOVE GAME,_

_PLAY A LOVE GAME,_

_DO YOU WANT LOVE?_

_OR DO YOU WANT FAME?_

_ARE YOU IN THE GAME?_

_DOIN' THE LOVE GAME_

"OH, GOD, MAKE THIS GODFORSAKEN SONG STOP!" Kassidy screeched, covering her ears with Bijou's ribbons, then bricks, then Baylee and Dave who just ran away from her.

"WE LOVE YOU, BOSS!" the girls screamed, the vitamins taking their toll on them.

"WHO WANTS AN ENCORE?!" Boss yelled out.

"WE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" the ham-hams screamed, pumping their fists in the air for the excitement to raise higher.

"WE DON'T!" the three daycare leaders sobbed. But Boss didn't listen and just started singing more.

_I CAN SEE YOU STANDING THERE FROM ACROSS THE BLOCK,_

_WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND YOUR HAND ON YOUR (HUH)!_

_THE STORY OF US, IT ALWAYS STARTS THE SAME,_

_WITH A BOY AND A GIRL AND A (HUH) AND A GAME!_

"Please tell me it's over," Baylee wept and looked up to see that it was far from being over.

And every kid in the room started singing, "LET'S HAVE SOME FUN, THIS BEAT IS SICK, I WANNA TAKE A RIDE ON YOUR DISCO STICK! LET'S HAVE SOME FUN, THIS BEAT IS SICK, I WANNA TAKE A RIDE ON YOUR DISCO STICK!"

Yes, even the guys, but don't get the wrong idea because it was all of the vitamins and the everlasting Sharpie affect, no matter how much fish was thrown at the boys who took in a huge amount of Sharpie.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE, THAT BOSS KID IS GAY AND SICK! HE'S GOING DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWN!!" Dave screamed in fury and whipped out a 'toy' from his briefcase. It was either a toy gun or a real gun. You should all have your bets on the real one otherwise you're not going to last very long in the social world.

"Do it, do it, do it," Baylee chanted in a hushed voice. The commotion and Boss's high pitched singing had broken the lenses of her sunglasses and Baylee was furious as was Dave because through the duration of the song, Boss was facing towards him.

"No!" Kassidy roared, putting a hand over the gun. "If you kill someone, do you know how many lawsuits we'd go up against? How many people would sue us? Or worse…"

"What could be worse?" Baylee and Dave whispered, fright glazing their eyes.

Kassidy's eye winced and broke into sobs. "That could come out of my paycheck! THE PAYCHECK, DANG IT!"

Dave rolled his eyes while Baylee slapped her forehead. "I've had enough of this." Dave pointed his gun at Boss's head and closed one eye for better aim at the dancing dunce.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Kassidy screamed. However, Dave clicked the trigger and smoke came billowing out with a _BANG!_

The force had knocked Dave off of his feet and he looked wildly around to see if he had hit Boss. In the smoke, he saw Boss's body lying on the ground with his arms and legs sprawled on the floor. An unbelievable feeling of guilt swelled up in Dave's chest and he immediately crawled over to Boss, tears in his eyes. Meanwhile, Baylee and Kassidy just got up and averted their eyes from the scene, getting out their cell phones to call someone… anyone.

"B-Boss? You alright, kid?" Dave gulped. No answer. All he heard was sharp intakes of air from the kid.

"Boss? This ain't a joke!" Dave cried out, shaking Boss's shoulders a little. Still, Boss remained silent except for a couple of deep, hacking breathes.

"G-Guys, I think that I've killed him!" Dave wailed hopelessly as he turned back around to face the others. Baylee went pale white and bowed her head in respect for Boss. Kassidy wept while saying stuff like "Why couldn't it have been Dave? That way I would still get my $4.50 an hour! WHY?!"

"Dave…" Boss panted, turning over on his back. Dave's jaw dropped and he listened closely to Boss's last words.

"Dave… I need… I need…"

"Yes?" Dave asked quietly. "What do you need?"

"I need… a love game."

"What?!" Dave cried out in shock, springing back onto his feet.

"What?!" Kassidy and Baylee chorused, looking at one another in disbelief.

"What?!" the ham-hams screamed.

"What?!" Laura whispered in a very hushed voice because she was in the Amazon right now, running for her life from a mental comedian called Jim Gaffigan and his fearsome trio of reluctant police officers.

"What?!" the sky boomed with her computer monitor blinking black and white.

"What?!" the same old lady four hundred miles away yelled out, putting her hand to her ear. "Why don't youngsters talk louder these days, I have a hearing problem. Why can't youngsters respect their elders? Why can't youngsters play outside instead of gluing their faces to a screen? Why can't-"

And this old woman went on forever and ever, ranting about how kids today aren't supposed to be who they are now because that's not how it was 'back then'.

"What?!" the appreciated reviewers/readers shouted out, pounding their fists on the computer monitor and then their computers blew up.

"Because… LET'S HAVE SOME FUN, THIS BEAT IS SICK, I WANNA TAKE A RIDE ON YOUR DISCO STICK!" Boss laughed as he sat up, looking as lively as ever. Dave's eye twitched and his fingers jerked at how Boss could just come back to life. He hadn't even used his author powers to friggn' revive the guy!

"I didn't even use my author powers!" Dave screamed in fury, hands curled into fists. "What gives?! Do my powers not work in this accursed story?!"

"Actually, the scientific law of Laura states that no ham-ham can die and that other authors do not have any control over the stor-" Maxwell started, but was interrupted by Dave.

"Shut up! We don't want your logic, Maxy!" Dave spat. He held his head and then said in a dazed state, "Whoa, déjà vu."

"Tell me about it," Baylee sighed. "Maybe you could try to shove some whale blubber in Maxwell's mouth."

"Okay, let me try." Dave rolled up his sleeves and cleared his voice. "AUTHOR POWERZ!"

Nothing.

"Dammit," Dave cursed under his breath. He then turned to Boss and asked him, "How the heck did you not die?!"

Boss's eyes went dark and he spoke in a possessed tone. "_Boss never dies._"

"Hey, Dave, what's this?" Hamtaro inquired while he was digging through Dave's briefcase and finally pulled out a long, gold chain with a watch on it.

"DON'T TOUCH THAT, INFIDEL!" Dave demanded, but it was too late.

"Hey, is that a gold necklace?" Kassidy said greedily.

"Yeah, sure, let's go with that one," Dave shrugged.

"MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!" Kassidy bellowed and lunged for the necklace, ripping it from Hamtaro's grasp. Hamtaro didn't have any reaction besides staring out into space as if he was… hypnotized.

"H-Hey, Dave?" Baylee said slowly. "What's happening to that kid?"

"Oh, he's just been hypnotized and now going through a series of challenges to enter our world right now. Look, now he's playing Super Mario Brothers in his head," Dave chuckled as Hamtaro started to jump up and down.

"Gee, that's great. What's Laura gonna say when he hand her a possessed kid?" Baylee sneered.

"I don't know, but it sure is fun to watch. Let's just say that aliens came by and abducted the kid…"

Kassidy smiled at the golden chain and waved it to and fro over her eyes. After a while though, her eyes became spaced and soon enough, at one moment she was standing in the daycare, the next, she was falling.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!" Kassidy screamed as she wildly flailed her arms through the air for anything to grab and stop her fall. The color slowly sunk into the environment and, to her surprise, Kassidy landed safely in the meadow of a giant castle. When she took one glance at where she was, she felt like she was falling again. The entire world was in 2-D and the flowers, the trees, the hills, and even the clouds had happy faces stitched onto their mouths. With wide eyes, Kassidy slowly walked into the castle. However, before she opened the gate, she saw Hamtaro in the fetal position by one corner of the entrance.

"Hamtaro?" Kassidy said in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

"Shhhhhhhhh," Hamtaro hushed and grabbed Kassidy to crouch down. He whispered, "Don't make it angry."

Kassidy rolled her eyes and instead, asked, "Where's everyone?"

"That's what I want to know," Hamtaro sobbed. "I've been stuck here for four days and no one has come around."

"Four days?" Kassidy repeated a little loudly. "Time sure flies by in this world."

"_Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. _When you talk, it gets angry," Hamtaro wept, rocking back and forth.

"What gets angry?"

"The entire _world._"

Kassidy couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, kiddo, when you fell, I think you hit your head a little too hard. I don't think that the world is going to do anything. I'm going to go try find a way out of this place."

"No! Don't!" Hamtaro cried. But Kassidy ignored him and set out towards the river. He looked around and dove behind a plant, shutting his eyes to not see what was going to happen next.

***

"Vhere is 'Amtaro?" Bijou gasped through tears. "I vant 'im back!"

"As much as my HxB part is screaming to change this story, I'm afraid that he's stuck in a video game," Dave sighed.

"Vhat? Vhat is HxB?"

"Never mind," Dave dismissed hastily.

"Where are they?" Baylee asked shakily.

"Let's see, I'll hook up the old Gameboy Advance to their heads and we can talk to them," Dave said.

"Of course!" Maxwell said as his eyes lit up. "Using the connection of the Gameboy and their heads, a picture will enter the screen and we can get Hamtaro and General Kassidy back!"

"_But we can't save them, there's no point,"_ Boss said in his possessed tone.

"It'll be fun to try! It'll be a whole new adventure!" Maxwell yelped.

"Oh, did I tell you," Dave started as Baylee stared back and forth Boss and Maxwell. "That after the vitamins wear off, it _might _have a few side effects to them."

"What kind of side effects?" Baylee gasped. Dave turned his head towards the ham-hams.

"What's the point of life, we're all gonna die anyway. It's all a waste of breath." Pashmina droned on and on how we should just cut ourselves and die so Baylee shoved her into the emo corner.

Maxwell tugged onto Baylee's jeans. He looked up with a smile and said happily, "One time, I was bitten by a Gardner snake."

"Didn't that hurt?" Baylee spat.

"Yes, yes it did. But it was awfully amazing because I got to experience something painful yet something that has a one in a lifetime chance. It's very rare. I was very happy."

"G-Gardner snakes?" Stan shrieked. "What if there were Gardner snakes in my shoe? But what if a black widow spider was in my shoe?! What if the germs in the air became nanobots and they would eat our skin and blood cells? I HAVE TO DECONTAMINATE THE AREA!"

With that, Stan went off to the supply closet for a Swiffer Sweeper and Febreeze.

"How long is this going to go on for?" Baylee sulked. Dave took out a soda and shrugged. When he clicked the lid to open, Panda came zooming by, almost invisible. Dave looked from left and right and then in front of him. There, he saw Panda hungrily chugging his soda. The fizz was dripping down his chin and into his shirt, but Panda didn't seem to care.

"Hey, you owe me a Pepsi!" Dave shouted, but he cowered in fear after he saw that Panda had become a monster.

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar…" Panda hissed in a dreadful tone and went immediately for the kitchen.

"YOU OWE ME $2.50, KID! $2.50!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SODA COSTS AT THAT VENDING MACHINE! INFLATION HAS CAUSED SODA TO BECOME 2.50!! YOU'LL PAY FOR INFLATION!!" Dave ran after Panda and that left Baylee in the daycare room… With 10 kids that went mental because of vitamins. She did her best to smile.

"How hard can this be? They're just kids," Baylee giggled, but that was when she was tackled by Howdy.

"FIRST DOWN BY HOWDY!" Howdy screamed and started running around the room, trying to find the end zone. Baylee drummed her fingers on the floor.

"This is going to be harder than I thought."

* * *

WHOA, CLIFFY! Yeah, congrats, you Dave, Baylee, and Kassidy are coming into the next chapter.

Kassidy, Baylee, and Dave: NOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Anyway, there's a second part to this! I'm still accepting any requests to enter the next chapter, so don't be afraid to ask in a review. And speaking of reviewing, you guys DO know that I accept anonymous reviews, right? So go ahead and send in a review because I know that hundreds of people read this story and yet, I have barely forty reveiws for ELEVEN chapters.

Next time: Hamtaro and Kassidy are going to see what strange world they landed in. Then, it's a Dave and Panda showdown. And last, but not least, let's watch Baylee try to babysit those lucky 10 kids!

One of my guy friends said what Dave said. It was hilarious; I'll never forget it.

Well, at school, we were all going to flip off our enemy in a different language. I would flip her off in Japanese and I joked, "You know she would ask what I was doing. And I'll say BEING BRITISH."

One of my other guy friends choked on a yellow Smartie in fourth grade. I mean, he really choked, his face was turning purple and everything, but the teacher saved his life. GO MR. VON K! He was our second teacher in the classroom and when our real teacher came in, she was all happy and stuff, but we were like, scarred for life. And then we go, "HE CHOKED ON A SMARTIE WHILE YOU WERE IN THE COPY ROOM!"

Anyway, READ AND REVIEW!!!! LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

~*StaraLaura*~


	13. The Unlucky Trio Part 2

Yeah, I have nothing to say besides the fact that Boss singing LoveGame gave me nightmares last night. This is going to be, like, the second to last chapter, so the end is near!

The authors entering this chapter are:

**BabyBlueHamster (Baylee)**

**HamtaroXbijouLover (Dave)**

**Michaiah (Kassidy)**

**Chipmunk4ever and her best friend/sister (Chipmunk and Jenna.)**

Apparently, I got, like, three or four PM's about how great that copy and paste thing on my profile is about my favorite authors and how I made them laugh. You don't know how happy I am to hear that. If you haven't looked at my profile in a while, go ahead and do so after you've read AND reviewed this chapter! And feel free to copy and paste that onto your own profile, but all credit goes to Cherrie Sakura and ZephryFiction's profiles.

Chapter 13:

The Unlucky Trio Part 2

"Heloooooooooooooooo, everyone!" a voice called out from the door.

"I LIKE BROWNIE CUSTARD!!"

Dave, Baylee, and some of the ham-hams who had a secure attention span slowly turned around to the newcomers and almost screamed when they saw another little kid (Well, only Dave and Baylee.), each one ready to rip out their hair. On the left was a girl who looked to be the same age as they were, grinning a crooked smile. She had brunette hair with blonde streaks in it and a baby pink tank top with a black miniskirt with a flower necklace and bracelet to match. Meanwhile, she was holding a little girl's hand and that kid had even a wider smile. The tinier accomplice had dirty blonde hair tired into a ponytail. She was wearing an outfit similar to the other one, but had on a purple tank top instead of a pink one.

"Hi, Laura sent me to help three daycare leaders here because she thought that they needed help," the older girl stated. She bowed her head a little to show respect. "Just call me Chipmunk. And I brought my sister Jenna here since she wanted to see what a daycare looked like."

"Uh, before you can step into the room Chipmunk," Baylee started. "How old is Jenna?"

"Six. Why?"

"OUT, OUT, OUT, _OUT!_" Dave shouted as he ran from the kitchen and over to the two newcomers. He shoved them out quickly and slammed the door in their faces.

"I don't know you much, but high-five!" Baylee yipped and she slapped Dave's hand. She tilted her head to the side though. "Why were you in the kitchen? What happened?"

"SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!" a voice called out from the kitchen.

"Panda," Dave sighed. "Panda happened."

A huge crash and more of the insane yelling was heard so Dave started for the kitchen. Baylee sighed and rubbed her temple at becoming the person who had to take care of vitamin enriched children, but when she took a look at the Gameboy hooked up to Hamtaro and Kassidy's brains, she gasped. Just a moment ago, Dave had plugged in the Gameboy into Hamtaro's ear and another in Kassidy's ear to reveal a picture of them on the screen, but since Panda had eaten all of the sugar in the pantry, Dave had to stop him so that left Baylee all by herself.

Right now, Kassidy in the video had sent a special message to Baylee: _YOU WILL LET CHIPMUNK AND JENNA IN BECAUSE WE MIGHT GET MORE MONEY._

Baylee typed out a response: _Why?_

Kassidy was screaming and jumping up and down on the screen while the game typed out: _OR ELSE I WILL RIP YOUR ARMS OUT FROM THEIR SOCKETS, STUFF KETCHUP INTO YOUR EYES, AND TIE YOUR LEGS TO A RAPID MONKEY UNTIL YOU SCREAM FOR MERCY._

Baylee gulped, thinking of how evil Kassidy (Or I should I say General Kassidy) could be when she was angry. Biting her lip, she slowly made her way towards the door and removed all of the locks/security systems on it. Chipmunk and Jenna were still standing there in bewilderment.

"Uh, sure you can babysit and bring Jenna," Baylee sighed. Chipmunk squealed and shook Baylee's hand up and down.

"Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you! You don't know how much I need this job," Chipmunk panted, laughing a little while Jenna ran off to meet the other kids. Baylee nervously laughed as she watched Jenna trot off while Chipmunk still gave a firm grip on her hand.

"Hiya! I'm-a-Jenna!" Jenna squawked, waving her hands up in the air. "And I like brownie custard!"

"I'm, like, totally, like, Oxnard," Oxnard greeted in a valley girl accent. "Totally! Like, let's, like, go, like, shopping! Totally!"

"_My name is Boss,"_ Boss drawled in his possessed voice. "_And I almost died today. I was shot in the butt._"

"HE MADE THE TOUCHDOWN! HE MADE THE TOUCHDOWN, HOWDY IS THE BEST FOOTBALL PLAYER IN THE WORLD!" Howdy announced, throwing down an invisible football and beating his fists on his chest like a gorilla. Then, he started to try to do the moonwalk.

"What's the point of saying my name, I'm going to be forgotten anyway," Pashmina sighed, all dressed in black with a new tattoo of barbed wire on her wrist. It's a LONG story of how she got a tattoo.

"My name is Dexter!" Dexter sang with a long, blonde wig that he found collecting in the dust. "And I like to… be a texter! LA LA LA, LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"As Sandy scourged to find the legendary sword of heroes, she encountered the dreaded sea of giant heaps of trash," Sandy said in a low voice, narrating what seemed to be her own comic book. "And the sea of giant heaps of trash are uncharted waters. Sandy dragged her already worn body towards the evil Dr. Boss in the sea…"

"That'll be fun," Maxwell yipped in his new optimistic tone. "I heard that the sea of giant heaps of trash supplies an amazing adrenaline rush that at least two hundred live there. But besides the danger of being eaten, ripped to shreds, or drowning, at least you won't be bored!"

"ZOMIGOSH! THIS NEWCOMER MIGHT HAVE SWINE FLU!" Stan gasped as he whipped out his Swiffer Sweeper. "OR YELLOW FEVER! OR PURPLE SPOTS ON YOUR FOREHEAD! OR EVEN… OH, NO!! _THE COMMON COLD!!"_

"Ha, ha! That tickles!" Jenna giggled as Stan knocked her down with his Swiffer Sweeper to decontaminate the girl.

"Yo, what up, dawg?!" Bijou rapped while doing the pimp sign. "Bijou pimpster, yup, I'm so gansta!"

"Good morrow, fair maiden! To what pleasure doth I owe to kiss thou?" Cappy greeted, bowing and kissing Jenna's hand.

"EWWWWWWWW!! A medieval rat just kissed me!" Jenna screamed.

Meanwhile, Chipmunk was still shaking Baylee's hand, droning on and on about how much Jenna was a great sister and friend. Baylee didn't listen, but just focused on how the kids were doing. Thankfully, everything was a little peaceful for now, but Dave was having a much harder time…

***

"C'mere, little piggy," Dave snarled. He held his broomstick high above his head, twirling it around in his hands. "All I want is for the sugar rush to stop. I might not even hit you that hard with my broom."

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugaaaaaaaaaaar…"

Dave smiled, knowing that his search was over. He listened intently and found that Panda was stuffed into a small cabinet. To his distress, Panda was hidden away into the "Sugar Cabinet". Ignoring the weird title, he tossed the broomstick aside and swiftly opened the doors.

"Oh, Panda," Dave cooed in a mocking tone. "Come out, come out wherever you are."

After a couple seconds of silence, Dave poked his head into the cabinet. At first, all he could smell was the looming overdose of sugar bags and bottles, but when he looked around, he saw that most of them were drained full of their sugar. Alarmed, Dave crawled inside the cabinet, finding that it was huge.

"Dang, how much sugar do these people eat?" Dave whispered quietly to himself. He looked around and saw a bag of sugar, a bottle of sugar, some sugar on the floor with Panda beside it, another bag of sugar, and another bottle of sugar.

"Wait…" Dave mumbled and slapped his forehead. "I'm such an idiot sometimes. I HAVE YOU NOW, PANDA!"

After his battle cry, he tackled a giant bag of sugar, wrestling and punching it. "Give up, you worthless piece of junk!"

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugaaaaaaaaaaaaar," Panda whispered gleefully and hopped out of the cabinet. Dave was in the middle of biting the sugar bag and looked up to see Panda just trot out of the cabinet.

"Oh, oops," he hummed innocently. He pointed hastily at the sugar bag had just ripped in half and sneered, "I'll deal with you later."

With that, he darted off to find Panda.

***

"Hey! Where is everyone?!" Kassidy called out, cupping her hands around her mouth. Hamtaro was still hidden behind the plant, shaking from head to toe.

"Hello?!" Kassidy screamed, hands curled into fists. "C'mon, someone answer me!"

"It's-a-Mario-Time!"

"What the-" Kassidy looked up to see a familiar looking plumber floating down while gripping an umbrella in his white gloves.

"I told you that you'd make it angry!" Hamtaro gasped. "Now feel alto ego's rage!"

Mario landed right in between Hamtaro and Kassidy, waving at the both of them happily. Hamtaro dashed back behind his plant and Kassidy gulped.

"Uh, uh, Mr. Mario?" Kassidy asked timidly, extending an arm out to the famous video character. Mario nodded and tipped his hat towards the twenty-year-old.

"Yeah, well, I need to go back to my own world, so if you could just show us the portal… thingy," Kassidy said bashfully. Mario turned his head to the side and started hopping up and down.

"No, no! I mean do you know how to get out of here, not your three hop attack!" Kassidy yelled. Mario gave her another curious look before ground pounding the sidewalk.

"_No. _Show… us… to… home," Kassidy confirmed in a caveman kind of tone.

"Sorry about my brother, he ditched class as a kid so he's not very good at English."

Hamtaro screamed and tried to jump off of the bridge, but a giant flower that looked like a sick Venus flytrap ate him and spat him out towards Kassidy. She caught a goo covered Hamtaro in her arms and threw him aside like a rag doll. Hamtaro, Mario, and Kassidy all turned around to a similar plumber, only he was wearing green instead of red and a little taller than Mario.

"Mario really doesn't know much English," the plumber repeated.

"Aren't you Luigi?" Kassidy asked suspiciously.

"Sure am. What do you have to say, Mario?" Luigi turned his head towards Mario.

"Let's-a-Go!" Mario cheered as he hopped like A MILE into the air.

"Is that all he can say?" Hamtaro questioned.

"Yahoo!" Mario yapped while giving "The Ultimate Fist Pump of Ultimate Awesomeness and Ultimate Determination".

"Pretty much," Luigi sighed. He beckoned Kassidy and Hamtaro over. "I can tell you how to get out of here."

***

"Did Hamtaro and Kassidy just meet _Mario _and _Luigi_?!" Baylee gasped when she squinted at the Gameboy. She had dismissed Chipmunk to help her take care of the kids and at the present, Chipmunk was laughing with Jenna. When Baylee looked back, she saw each kid with their new, transformed self and sighed. Maybe they would return to normal after the vitamins would wear off like the Sharpies that Laura had mentioned. Strangely enough, no one knew the actual location of the Sharpies and "gave up on the futile search" as Laura had put it. Baylee had no idea what fertilizer had to do with any of this, but her thoughts were interrupted when a loud _BANG _was heard from the kitchen.

Soon enough, Dave had come rushing out, chasing what seemed to be… nothing. But when he stopped, Baylee could see that Panda stopped, the invisible thing that Dave was running after.

"Oh, he's good. He's very good for a guy who stole my Pepsi," Dave panted, collapsing onto the floor.

"What happened to him?!" Baylee screeched while kicking Dave's almost unconscious body. Panda giggled manically before opening Oxnard's mouth, reaching down his mouth, and ripping out a piece of gum. Or Oxnard's tonsils. In other words, he grabbed a gooey, soft piece of pink matter.

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar…" Panda hissed and popped the gum into his mouth. He twitched, and then was off like a roadrunner. Dave didn't have much of a reaction as usual and continued on focusing on how to breathe.

"W-What are you doing?! We need to catch Panda!" Baylee scolded, throwing her hands up in the air.

"It… seems a little harder… when you've run at least a mile in a crowded kitchen, dodging forks and knives-"

"Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Jenna chanted. Dave stared at her and then turned his head back to Baylee.

"Dodging forks and knives and leaping over stoves while waving your broom wildly around the room. That monster is pretty hard to catch," Dave finished and slowly got onto his feet.

"Okay, I'll help you, all right?" Baylee spat hastily, crossing her arms.

"Wait, is this going to lead to child abuse?" Chipmunk asked as she waltzed into the conversation.

"If it must," Dave confirmed. Baylee shot him an icy glare.

"Well, I have to disagree," Chipmunk said coolly. "Children are carefree and can away with anything they want-"

"Hey, Chippy?" Jenna had walked over and tugged on her sister's shirt. "Can I go fry an egg?"

"Eggs are in the fridge, left side, top drawer," Chipmunk dismissed and Jenna skipped happily into the kitchen. "Now, you guys need to treat kids with care because inside of each of them is a heart of gold-"

"Hey, Chip?" Jenna intervened again. "Where's the fire extinguisher?"

"Outside the room, first hallway, to your right," Chipmunk directed and turned back to the other two daycare leaders. She clapped her hands and continued, "So let's make sure that we all are very nice to them because they need someone to look up to. Jenna looks up to me to do the right thing, I'm her role model. And look where it's gotten me now!"

"Hey, Chipmunk?" Jenna rushed over to the older group of kids. "What's the number for the fire department?"

***

"Let's-a-Go!" Mario chanted, hopping up and down. Hamtaro, Kassidy, and Luigi seemed less enthusiastic and didn't want to skip the miles that they had just walked.

"We're almost there," Luigi said at last when they came to a castle. It had lightning shooting above it with dark clouds swell near the moldy green lake. Hamtaro and Kassidy looked over to the drawbridge that had spikes extending from it and they gulped at the same time.

"Where is the portal thing, Luigi?" Kassidy asked cautiously.

"Oh-a-no!" Mario screamed and covered his eyes with his hat. Luigi looked in the direction of what Mario was staring at and his mouth dropped, hopping up and down like those video game characters would do.

"Look! It's our arch nemesis!" Luigi shrunk into the shadows as a giant, menacing…

"Hey, everybody!" Sonic yelled out. Everyone fell over like those video game characters would do.

"Sonic!" Luigi barked like those video game characters would do. "What are you doing in a Mario game?"

Sonic shrugged like those video game characters would do. "I got bored at home."

Kassidy then yelled out, "I don't care! This is turning into a nightmare, where the heck is exit?!"

"The only exit is at the top of Bowser's castle through that portal." Luigi pointed up towards what seemed to be a swirling vortex of death. And, no, it was not a tornado, it was a blue flat disk spinning ominously. The wind didn't howl and no songbirds were heard as Kassidy grabbed Hamtaro's hand and led him into the castle, leaving a trembling Luigi, stuttering Mario, and a singing Sonic.

"Hey!" Hamtaro cried out, looking around the torture chambers. "This looks like my basement! I wonder if Dummy is buried here!"

Ripping his grasp from Kassidy, Hamtaro ran through a chamber, leaving Kassidy all by herself. The daycare leader just stared in shock at how quickly Hamtaro had disappeared and took a step towards the dark, creepy hallway to get cool of breeze wind that caused goose bumps on her arms. Kassidy shivered and ventured into the hallway.

However, before she could go any farther, a giant voice from above yelled, "Level 1! The Hallway of Death!"

"The hallway of-" Kassidy repeated, but her shock was interrupted by the numbers of arrows that fired at her.

"Oh, geez…" she mumbled as Level 1 started.

***

"All right, so all we have to do is tackle Panda, gag him, ship him off to Canada so he'll be raised by wolves, and we'll never see that sugar obsessed maniac again…"

"Dave," Baylee sighed. "As much as I want to go with that plan, I don't think that we have the money to ship a kid off to Canada illegally."

"Dammit," Dave muttered.

"Hey!" Chipmunk barked. "There are children around you, they might think it's okay to talk like that."

Then, Dexter starting singing a lot of… ~cough, cough~ _unique _words.

"Too late," Baylee muttered.

"So how the heck are we supposed to stop Panda?" Chipmunk wondered. Then, Panda, as if he was Sonic, zoomed to their group and stopped dead at Dave's feet.

"YOUGOTSOMESUGARIWANTSOMESUGARIREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYLIKESURGAR! GIMMESOMESUGARCUZIREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYSUGAR!" Panda chanted over and over again. All three daycare leaders covered their ears from the earsplitting noise, gritting their teeth together in an attempt to block out Panda's rant.

"OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?!" Dave burst out, throwing his hands in the air in defeat. "YOU WANT SUGAR?! I'LL GIVE YOU THE DAMN SUGAR!"

"I told you not to say any bad words!" Chipmunk scolded, looking over her shoulder as Dexter starting singing more unique words.

"LET DEXTER GO TO HELL! I DON'T CARE! HERE'S THE SUGAR, PANDA!" Dave threw the biggest bag of sugar you've ever seen at Panda's face and the kid toppled over from the weight. Baylee and Chipmunk slowly turned to each other while Dave dusted his hands off in pride.

"You idiot! You're the biggest sinner in the friggn' world!" Chipmunk feverishly screamed.

"You've killed him! By chucking a sugar bag at his face! How are the police gonna believe us- I mean you?" Baylee sobbed.

"I didn't think that you'd miss him that much. Besides, I can't kill him, remember?" Dave sneered.

"Have you no shame, sinner?" Chipmunk hissed while poking Dave's nose.

"Remember when I shot Boss?" he said, putting his hands up over his head as if he was arrested.

"Yeah…" the girls said in unison.

"Well, even if I shot him with an AK47, he lived. See, no one can die in this story."

Baylee and Chipmunk stared at him a long time while Dave nodded his head happily. They opened their mouths and then closed them, trying to think of something to say, only to have no words come out of their mouths.

"I guess… I guess you're right," Baylee spluttered, putting her left hand to her side in defeat.

"I love it when I'm right," Dave sniggered.

"Enjoy it while you can, sinner, because that's rare," Chipmunk snorted, hands on her hips as she stuck her nose in the air.

"Yeah! Wait, wha-"

Before Dave could think of some comeback, the door bust open to… Laura.

Panting, she was covered in mud and her hair was tangled up in leaves and twigs. Her face was red and her eyes were closed in a pained expression as if she had just run a marathon. Tossing aside a long, long, _long _piece that said "LAURA'S RAP SHEET", she leaned against the wall.

"Oh, man, I'm not _ever _doing _that _again," she huffed. The others were so surprised by her entrance that they didn't say anything and just stared at her. It seemed that it was just then that she caught sight of the new daycare leaders.

"HOLY SNAPPERDOODLE, WHO ARE YOU UGLY PEOPLE?!" Laura shrieked and whipped out a harpoon. All three daycare leaders put their hands up in the air and out came a rush of protests.

"Whoa, what's with the harpoon?!" Baylee screamed.

Laura slumped her shoulders a little before telling her story. "Okay, like, so when I was in the Himalayas running for my life, the police said that I couldn't use a bazooka in Nepal because the Buddhist monks didn't want 'violence'. So, I had to chuck the bazooka off of Mt. Everest and waited for the aliens from Mars to come and pick me up before Jim Gaffigan could arrest me, but of course, he added more crap to my rap sheet. Then, I communicated with space aliens of Denver, Colorado and they helped me abduct the rap sheet, which I just ripped up in front of you guys. Then-"

"Just cut to the chase!" Dave spat.

Laura shot him a glare. "Dude, like, I just was in the middle of the greatest story in the universe. But… *sigh* since you ruined it, I got this harpoon from Michaiah since my bazooka is in Nepal. You know, the Michaiah at the pool who wanted to marry Stan. I'm sure you all have heard of that at some point."

"You know, it sounds familiar," Chipmunk thought aloud. "I think I read about that on FanFiction in the Hamtaro section."

"We don't have time for FanFiction!" Baylee yelped, throwing her hands up in the air. "Or Hamtaro! We need to subdue Panda and the rest of the kids. Not to mention get Hamtaro and Kassidy out of that video game-"

"Whoa, what about two people stuck in a video game?" Laura laughed in a joking matter.

"It's a looooooooooooooooong story… But we need to see if Panda is dead or not!" Baylee screamed, the stress ceasing upon her.

"Don't worry, I'm sure that we'll be able to-" Chipmunk started, but was slapped in the back of the head by Stan's Swiffer Sweeper.

"DUST BUNNIES ARE ON THE DARK SIDE! CLEANILESS IS WHAT MAKE THE WORLD GO SPINNY! I'M DISINFECTING THIS PART!" Stan announced and hit Laura in the head with the Swiffer Sweeper before leaping off of the chair he was on and running over to Boss, who was still singing LoveGame in a possessed tone.

"I think that we _might _need a little help," Baylee said slowly while Laura and Chipmunk held their heads, moaning in pain. Dave nodded, trying not to laugh.

"We just need a couple more people on our side…" Dave said slowly.

"We just need a couple more people on our side!"

"Jenna!" gasped Chipmunk who appeared to have a full recovery at the voice of her sister. "Don't tell me that you took some of those vitamins!"

"_Jenna_?!" Laura screamed who appeared to have a full recovery at the mention of another kid in the room. "When did she get here?! There's enough chaos- I mean, kids in here!"

"Jenna! When did she get in here! There's enough chaos- I mean kids in here!" Jenna mimicked in a high pitched tone.

"Stop copying us," Dave sneered, hoping that would shut the girl up.

"Stop copying us!" Jenna squeaked.

"That's it!" Chipmunk roared and dove for Jenna.

"That's it!" Jenna screamed and jumped out of the way.

"When mom hears about this, you are so dead!" Chipmunk cried in fury.

"When mom hears about this, you are so dead!" Jenna copied and the two were set on a chase. The other daycare leaders just looked at one another for a while.

"I'll get some help," Laura mumbled and whipped out her phone.

* * *

YAY! The final battle between tweens/teens and little five to six year olds begins!

**WHO WANTS TO JOIN THE FORCE?!**

I want all of the readers to send in a review with either an OC or themselves to join the next chapter. Please put it in this format:

**Name:**

**Age: (optional)**

**Kids you want to fight:**

_**MUST READ THE FOLLOWING CONTENT!!!**_

The name part is pretty much self explanatory and age is only for fun, all right? "Kids you want to fight" is the part where you get to decide which ham-ham you want to un-crazy. For example, I (Laura) got dibbs on curing Boss. You put in the top three kids you want to un-crazy and leave the writing part to me. I need EVERYONE to do this because it'll be more fun to read and become a better story. It really doesn't take that long, like thirty seconds to type in less than twenty words. I'm BEGGING you to leave a review to get into the next chapter!


	14. The Last Encounter?

LAST CHAPTER ALERT! I'M ALMOST DONE WITH THIS!

Now, entering this chapter is...

**BabyBlueHamster (Baylee and Emma)**

**HamtaroXbijouLover (Dave)**

**Michaiah (Kassidy and Allie)**

**SoftballStar (Kennedy)**

**Chipmunk4ever (Chipmunk and Jenna)**

**Puppyluv3379 (Kylee)**

**Duckie P.O.V (Johnson)**

**DolphinGoddess 17 (Reita May)**

**Emily (Claire)**

Congrats, you guys made the cut! I'm surprised at how many people actually wanted to be in this, but I'm happy anyway! If you wanted to be in this chapter and didn't make the cut, it's just because you didn't review or PM me. Duh.

**IMPORTANT: PLEASE DO NOT FEEL OFFENDED IN THIS CHAPTER! I'M MOSTLY JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOU LAUGH AND DON'T TAKE ANY OF THESE GAGS/JOKES SERIOUSLY OR ELSE THE POLICE MIGHT ACTUALLY HUNT ME DOWN. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO EITHER MAKE FUN OF YOU OR YOUR OC BECAUSE THIS IS **_**MY **_**STORY. IF YOU ARE HURT AND JUST ARE THINKING OF CUSSING ME OUT IF YOU READ THE CHAPTER, THEN **_**DON'T READ THIS CHAPTER. **_**I DON'T NEED ANY FLAMES ON THIS EITHER. BUT A CRITIQUE ON THE HUMOR WOULD BE TOTALLY AWESOME**

Chapter 14:

The Last Encounter (Or is it?!)

"Okay, so when are those people coming?" Dave asked Laura after about five minutes of watching the kids with no one showing up.

"Psh, I don't know. It could take them years," Laura responded, shrugging her shoulders.

"_What?!" _Dave screamed, face turning red._ "_But, I swear, we need to find a way to stop these kids. Hamtaro is stuck in a Gameboy Advance along with one of daycare leaders, Bijou thinks that she's all 'gansta', Oxnard is now a valley girl, Boss has been speaking in a possessed tone, Pashmina turned goth, Dexter is singing, which sounds like a printer jam in the middle of a landslide, Howdy thinks that he's some great sports superstar, Maxwell is _way _too optimistic, Sandy is narrating her life, Stan is now a germaphobe and must swat the air with his Swiffer Sweeper every five seconds, Panda is out cold on the ground with a sugar bag over his head because no one wants to see what he looks like when he's unconscious, Cappy is talking like Shakespeare, and Jenna keeps copying me!"

And what do you know? Jenna started copying that entire list. She was rocking back and forth on her feet and screamed, "Hamtaro is stuck in a Gameboy Advance along with one of daycare leaders, Bijou thinks that she's all 'gansta', Oxnard has turned into a valley girl, Boss is gay and has been speaking in a possessed tone, Pashmina turned goth, Dexter is singing, which sounds like a printer jam in the middle of a landslide, Howdy thinks that he's some great sports star, Maxwell is _way _too optimistic, Sandy is narrating her life, Stan is now a germaphobe and must swat air with his Swiffer Sweeper, Panda is lying unconscious with a sugar bag on his head, Cappy is talking like Shakespeare, and Jenna keeps copying me!"

"ARGH!" Chipmunk yelled, vein popping from her sister's mimicking. "YOU WILL STOP COPYING ME! CURSE THOSE VITAMINS!"

"ARGH! YOU WILL STOP COPYING ME! CURSE THOSE VITAMINS!" Jenna laughed and dodged another attack from Chipmunk. The two were off like rockets, but Jenna seemed to think it was just a game and laughed at Chipmunks threats and cussing.

"THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR SCHOOL PRINCIPAL!" Chipmunk sobbed. "WHY DID JENNA HAVE TO ASK IF HE HAD SUPERPOWERS?! WHY COULDN'T SHE JUST LOCK HIM THE BROOM CLOSET AND LEAVE IT AT THAT?!"

"I'm deathly afraid of that family," Baylee murmured when she walked over after she checked up on Panda. Laura and Dave nodded. Then, finally, the door opened.

"Kennedy!" Laura greeted. "Good to see that you answered my distress signal- I mean, call."

Kennedy narrowed her eyes and hissed, "You owe me big time."

"CLOSE THE DOOR, CLOSE THE DOOR!" Chipmunk screamed, arms spread out as she tried to stop Jenna.

"CLOSE THE DOOR, CLOSE THE DOOR!" Jenna laughed.

"Who's that kid?!" Kennedy shrieked when she looked at Jenna.

"Long story…" Baylee sighed.

"Kinda funny because this all happened in one day," Laura chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment.

"_This _all happened in _one day_?" Kennedy gasped and pointed at all of the disturbing or creepy events all happening in the room. For example, Boss was doing body shots on the main table, Pashmina was giving herself another tattoo, and Dexter had picked up the song LoveGame, starting to sing it himself.

"I SAID CLOSE THE DOOR, SINNERS!" Chipmunk screamed in fury, but it was too late. Jenna had zoomed out of the room and left Chipmunk standing in the doorway. Panting, she snapped her fingers in disappointment and left to follow her sister, but ran into something else.

"Ow! What's your problem?!" the girl that Chipmunk had run into.

"Kylee?" Baylee greeted. "You came? You really came?"

Kylee, the girl that Chipmunk had run into, dusted off her blue jeans put a hand to her hip. She smiled at Baylee and answered, "Sure, why not? If my cousin asks me to help out, I will. Besides, what could a bunch of kids… do…" Kylee took a long look at all of the kids and covered her mouth to hide her scream. Poor girl.

"HOLY CROWS AND BLUEBIRDS! I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE!" Kylee screamed and started to run out, but Baylee grabbed her by the collar.

"Oh, no you don't. We need all the help we can get," Baylee muttered and shoved Kylee into the room.

"Wait, what about me?" Chipmunk asked innocently, eyes drifting towards the spot where Jenna had run off. A distant "Wait, what about me?" was heard at the moment Chipmunk had finished her sentence.

Dave answered the question. "Go get Jenna. And, I don't know, try to stop her from her craziness… Not to mention ADD."

With that, Dave shut the door in her face, put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, locked it, and nailing the door in place. He turned back proudly at the others and they looked like they were either about to pull out their hair or kill him.

"What? This way, Jenna can't come in the room," Dave said, trying to defend himself.

"You idiot…" Baylee said slowly.

"Do you realize what you've done?" Kennedy hissed.

"We're all goners," Kylee gasped, throwing her head up towards the ceiling.

"Why?" Dave asked cautiously.

"Because," Laura said in a dead serious tone. "We're locked in here with _them._"

They all jerked their heads towards the ham-hams and Dave's face paled. He opened his mouth to say something, but it was just a scream. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! I'M TOO YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL TO DIE!!!"

"SO ARE WE!" the other older kids screeched and they all started to claw at the wall to get free of the other kids.

"What are you guys doing?"

All five heads turned to another girl and a boy who had just entered through another door on the opposite side of the room. The girl didn't look to be a teen at all and locked her hands behind her back, smiling widely at them even through the scary stuff going on in the room. For example, the way that Stan was trying to decontaminate the toilet was highly disturbing and might change this story into an M rated fic so I will not describe any of the sort. The boy appeared to not be scarred for life or even twitch at the scenery and set a stern look at all of the people. For example, Howdy was trying to slam dunk a beach ball into Panda's head which was covered by the sugar bag.

"Uh, I guess that this is the place right?" the boy mused, his brow furrowing in concern at Stan yelling "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE OF SWINE FLU!" and Maxwell replying "Oh, goody! I'll be able to research H1N1 even more by having first hand experience and seeing if I can survive!"

"THANK GOD THAT THERE'S ANOTHER DUDE HERE!" Dave yelled and tried to give the newcomer a 'man hug'.

"What is this commoner doing?" the boy screamed in distaste, moving a little to the side to avoid the ecstatic kid.

"RAPE!" Kylee screamed and dove under a table. Everyone just stared at her before Baylee spoke.

"Emma? Did you seriously come? I told you to stay at home!" Baylee said in a distressed tone as she looked down on the youngest girl.

"But Baylee!" Emma cried. "You said that I could have a cookie!"

"Did you invite her?" Laura asked.

"No…" Baylee said through clenched teeth, glaring at her sister.

"But I want my cookie!" Emma wailed and then the older boy suddenly whipped out a cookie.

"COOKIE!" Emma screamed and snatched the cookie away, taking a huge bite into it. Then, she starting spitting the cookie out, saying, "EWWWWWWWWWW! It's a raisin cookie! Raisin cookies are for old people!"

"But I'm only fourteen," the boy protested.

"Johnson!" Laura said, trying to stop the subject of raisin cookies and addressed the older boy and other girl. "Glad you could come. At least _one _person is serious about the situation we're in."

"Uh, I was just in it because I got bored at home," Johnson admitted, raising his hand. Laura just stared at him and put her hands in her face when another person came in.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. Someone was tracking me down, a guy called Jim Gaffigan or something."

All heads (besides the kids) turned around to see another girl who looked almost to be Kassidy's age. She did her best to smile, but as her eyes wandered around the room, you could see that her lips didn't curve as much and she frowned a little bit. Pressing her head to the doorway, she asked, "Uh, is there a Laura here?"

All the daycare leaders/battle recruits pointed at Laura who sheepishly waved. The girl looked a little disappointed that she had found the right place, but she ran her hand through her hair and managed to grin.

"I'm Reita May," the girl declared, holding her hand out to Laura.

"Uh, I'm just Laura," said Laura. "And, uh, I think that we have everyone who I called up here-"

"WAIT! WAIT, YOU GUYS FORGOT ABOUT ME!" a voice echoed through the hallway and in came a panting girl, red in the face from the run before Reita could shut the door.

"Wait… I came here to… straighten my life out," the girl huffed.

"Straighten out her life? What, are you going out with that girl?" Johnson joked, hurling his head towards Kylee who slapped him.

"Uh, and you are?" Laura said in a bemused tone as she closed the door.

The girl stood right up at the question and bellowed, "I'M ALLIE AND I THOUGHT THE CORE WOULD STRAIGHTEN MY LIFE OUT, SIR!"

"Ha, you were called a sir," Kennedy snickered at Laura, but slowly turned away at the icy look she got.

"Uh, Allie, I don't think that I ever called you up," Laura said, puzzled. Then, she brought a finger up to her chin in deep thought and what seemed to be confusion. "But I did call up Shelby, I wonder where she is."

"Oh, I took care of her," Allie chirped.

**In a dark janitor's closet…**

"MMMMMMMMRRRRRRRRPPPHHHHHH!!!" a girl with a nametag that read "Shelby" screamed. (Translation: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLP ME!!!! SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF THIS CLOSET!!!!)

**Back at the daycare…**

Laura stared wide-eyed at Allie for a while. She sighed, "But Shelby is- I mean, was one of my best friends and I don't even _know _you."

"Oh, well! Never hurts to acquaint with strangers!" Allie chirped.

"She sounds so much like my cousin…" Kylee said slowly.

"Hey!"

"Just kidding, Baylee…"

"I STILL WANT MY COOKIE! NOT THAT STUPID PRUNE STUFF!" Emma screamed and curled her hands into fists.

"Ugh. I don't care, we need to set a plan out," Laura announced, rubbing her temples. "Which one of you is taking down which kid?"

"I got dibs on the fat guy," Kennedy volunteered quickly.

"_I _wanna kick the fat kid's butt!" Allie objected.

"Fine, fine, you both can. That just ~gulp~ leaves more for us," Laura said.

"I can try to cure Bijou," Reita announced bravely, OBVIOUSLY not knowing what she was getting herself into. She then said smugly, "I know French."

"All right, Reita, it's your funeral." Laura shrugged.

Reita frowned and replied hastily, "Call me Reita May, okay? Reita sounds so lonely…"

"Maybe it's 'cuz Reita is lonely," Dave laughed and was slapped in the back of the head by Kylee. He whipped around towards the girl and yelled in her face, "THAT IS SO SEXIST! YOU SLAP JOHNSON AND NOW ME!"

"Dave, for that, you're taking on Stan _and _Howdy," Laura snapped. Dave pouted and turned towards a pale white Kylee.

"I will see you in court…" Dave snarled and Kylee whistled innocently.

"Wait, who's that girl in the corner?" Reita asked, pointing a finger at a girl sitting by the wall and observing the scene.

"That's Pashmina. She turned emo," Laura sighed.

"No, I mean the other girl in the other corner."

All heads turned to a girl with wavy blond hair and bright, lime green eyes, staring at them. She turned her head to the side, letting her hair fall to her dress straps and blinked.

"Uh, how'd you get in here?" Baylee asked shakily.

"I have my ways," the girl said, raising her eyebrows.

"Oh, dear Lord," Johnson whispered. The girl sent a glare at him and Johnson slowly looked to the side.

Waving it off with her hand, Laura introduced every kid in the room and hastily explained her situation to the newcomer, eyes watering with desperation to get another recruit in their group. The girl nodded and gasped in the right spots, firmly agreeing to help and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. A flicker of hope erupted in their hearts and they smiled at each other, thinking that this might work. And hopefully they wouldn't die.

"I'm Claire," she finally announced. "I will try to subdue the kid who is always happy, okay?"

"Maxwell? All righty, at least we won't die too easily!" Kennedy yelled out.

"Shut up," everyone murmured. Kennedy shut up.

"Kylee, you can go ahead and take on Dexter. Baylee, I'll put you with Cappy. Johnson, you got Sandy, and Emma has Pashmina. Hey, where's Chipmunk?" Laura rambled before questioning where one certain person had wandered off to.

"JENNA, YOU GET BACK HERE!" one voice outside of the room screamed.

"JENNA, YOU GET BACK HERE!" another screeched, mimicking the other.

"STOP COPYING ME!"

"STOP COPYING ME!"

"CLOSE THE DOOR, CLOSE THE DOOR!" Kennedy screamed and Dave quickly ran over and bolted the door shut, making sure that each door on the side of the room was locked. It was a real risk, taking in that they were locked in with ten kids that had some kind of glitch with their mental stability.

"Thank goodness," Baylee breathed, collapsing onto the couch. "But that scene looked a little familiar."

"Wait, what happened?" Johnson, Reita, and Allie questioned.

"NOTHING!" the rest chorused, leaving the three in utter confusion.

"So, it's all agreed, right?" Laura asked everyone as the group huddled. "We're all on the same page."

Everyone slowly nodded. Laura took in a deep breath before her eyes widened.

"Wait… Wait, the only one that isn't fighting is me and that means I'm stuck with… with…"

All heads turned to Boss who was singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Star" in his demented tone and Laura's jaw dropped.

"Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, _no_," Laura pleaded, tears erupting in her eyes in desperation. "No! I can't fight him! He's invincible, I swear! He's so demented and I've already suffered from… Jim Gaffigan, the pool, and choking!"

"Oh, my," the others said in unison.

"Well, you _have _to take on that kid," Kennedy pointed out.

"Why?" Laura questioned with a confused look on her face.

"Because…" Dave answered coolly. "No one else is going to take on that thing."

"Wait, guys-"

Before Laura could continue with her sentence, everyone set off towards their designated course. Laura was left helpless as Boss approached her.

"_Hi, my name is Boss. And I suffered through elephants, DDR, and being shot. I have almost died many times,"_ Boss said in a possessed voice.

Laura stared at him for a long time, eye twitching.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

***

"Level 1! Get ready to meet… your death!" the sky rang out (And no, it was not the author b/c the author is busy describing the fight in the daycare room.)

"Uh-oh," Kassidy murmured as a single arrow shot out, missing her by about an inch. Kassidy gulped as she looked at the long, narrow hallway, her breath quickening in sharp rasps and fingers shaking. The one arrow that had almost struck her stuck to one of the dusty, worn bricks on the left side of the ominous and gloomy path. She shrugged. "I guess it's now or never. AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!"

Kassidy gave out a strangled, hoarse war cry and ripped through towards her doom, as the video game had called it, throwing aside anything in her path including a couple of swords that metal knights held and some pictures of a giant turtle with fiery red hair. As she knocked portrait down, the turtle's eyes seemed to glow red, burning an eerie vibe out towards Kassidy. But the girl was too caught up in pumping her arms up and down, huffing and puffing as she dove to the other side of the hallway. Still thrown onto the floor, she took a quick look over her shoulder and her jaw dropped. None of the arrows have fired or any boulders chase her. She had just made a mad dash for nothing.

"OH, COME ON!" Kassidy screamed in fury, hoisting herself to her feet. "WHAT HAPPENED?! I JUST RAN THE 400 METER AND NO ARROWS SHOT OUT?!"

The deep voice above the castle then bellowed, "Duh. It's level 1."

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…" Kassidy trudged up towards a giant hallway with axes swooshing past her nose and even more of the portraits.

"Level 2! The Stairway of Death!" the voice announced and suddenly, a gush of wind came flying at Kassidy, causing the girl's balance to falter.

"Ow!" Kassidy yelped as she fell on the stone hard floor. "This is level 2?! It seems like level 5!"

"That's your problem," the voice said smugly.

"Ugh." Kassidy brushed off a little bit of dirt off of her shirt and took a deep breath. She moved her feet in an athletic stance and balled her hands into fists, eyes narrowing with determination.

"FOR THE PAYCHECK!" Kassidy screamed, ignoring the fact that she could die in this game, and rushed towards the moving axes and portraits that spat fire out at her.

"DOUBLE JUMP DEFENSE!" Kassidy yelled and jumped high above the fire, running across the ceiling with her arms behind her body. She looked like some kind of American ninja right now, but all that mattered was that she leapt to the other side. Sneering, she looked at the place where her feet had landed in and smirked.

"Level 3! The Chamber of Death!" It was just an empty room and one would probably rush to the other side, but Kassidy knew better. She took one nervous step and the tile of floor she had touched creaked and fell into oblivion. Kassidy smiled again as she saw the blue square zoom into the empty darkness. She grabbed a hat that looked similar to Mario's, but it was pink with a 'K' on it and started to flip on only the pink squares until she hurled herself at the door, throwing it open to see…

***

**Round 1: Kylee vs. Dexter! Ding, ding! (It's supposed to be the bell. You know, in a boxing match kind of thing?)**

"Hiya, Dexter! My name's Kylee and I'll be knocking you out today!" Kylee introduced, bowing her head a little and giving Dexter a brilliant smile. Dexter laughed and twirled a lock of the wig placed on his scalp.

"You can't beat me, even if you sneeze because I have Febreeze!" Dexter chortled.

"DID SOMEONE SAY FEBREEZE?!"

"Stan!" Dave barked from his laptop. "You're not in this fight, back OUT."

"Anyway," Kylee said, turning back to Dexter. "Uh, if I hit you hard enough, will you die?"

"Probably not." Dexter grabbed a guitar that was most likely a ukulele, judging by the size of the instrument. Then, he started singing "LoveGame" at the top of his lungs, throwing in a couple of swear words.

"GAH! THAT IS IT!" Kylee screamed and dove for Dexter, but fell out of the window that had suddenly popped up. Weird, huh? I wonder who put that open window there…

A minute later, Kylee swung the door open with an angry, twisted expression on her face as she dragged the dress that she had fallen into, grabbing a couple of flowers on the way as her weapon, raising them high above her head. Then, Dexter started to sing another song, basing it off of her attire.

"Oh, here's one!" Dexter laughed. He strummed his guitar-err, ukulele and started singing. "Here comes the bride, she's as big as a whale! And her dress was on sale! She got it at Goodwill, bought it with a twenty, it's easy to see they have no money!"

"OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! HERE'S A SONG FOR YOU!!!" Kylee screamed and threw her flowers at Dexter's face.

"I love you…" Kylee started singing, glaring at Dexter straight in the eye. Dexter stopped his singing and looked back at Kylee.

"You love me…" Dexter's eyes widened and he dropped his ukulele.

"We're a happy family…"

And Dexter toppled onto the ground, out cold. Kylee seemed to think that the song took a toll on herself too and she crouched down on the ground, heaving in deep breaths as sweat dripped from her brow. She smiled, but then thought of what she was actually singing and fell unconscious.

**Round 2: Claire vs. Maxwell! Ding, ding!**

"Uh, hi, Maxwell," Claire said bashfully as she approached the kid who was rambling on and on about how good pain and suffering can be. She scratched the back of her head and remembered what Laura had said earlier about their strategy.

~START-O-FLASHBACK~

"_All right, so with Panda, he got WAY too much sugar and that caused him to come into a coma or something," Laura said as she gathered everyone around. "So all we need to do is fight fire with fire. Do exactly what they do, but even more, okay?"_

"_Wait, that doesn't make any sense-" Kylee started but was hit in the head by Laura with her harpoon._

~END-O-FLASHBACK~

"Okay, you can do this," Claire pep talked herself. "Just think of something so dark and depressing that the kid can't come up with a bright side."

She approached the bookish kid with caution as if he was about to explode into his optimistic tone at any moment. She brushed off her shoulder and leaned down to see Maxwell face to face. Maxwell beamed at her and she returned the smile.

"Hey, there little fella. Did you know that everyone will go hungry soon and die?" Claire asked in a happy tone.

"No, but at least I lived a good life!" Maxwell cheered, throwing his arms up in the air. Claire frowned. This was going to be harder than she thought…

"Uh, we're all gonna die of swine flu?"

"SWINE FLU?! I'M TOO YOUNG AND SMART TO DIE OF SOME PIG WHO HAD SEX WITH HIS FARMER!!!" Stan screamed in horror and he whipped out his Swiffer Sweeper.

"Gee, thanks, Claire!" Dave snarled, slapping the top of his laptop down in fury. "Now I'm gonna have to calm him down now again!"

Claire bit her lip as she whirled around to Maxwell. The rest of the thoughts just came on randomly.

"A boulder will smash your head in five minutes," Claire said hastily.

"At least I'll still have my dignity with me!" Maxwell laughed.

"I'm going to leave the daycare very soon."

"You weren't very nice anyway!"

"Sandy will be attacked by a man eating plant in two seconds."

"She kissed me so she deserves to die!"

Claire slapped her forehead, running out of ideas. Then, a lightbulb went off and her face was quickly replaced from a solemn, hopeless look of pain to a brilliant, wide eyed expression. She smirked at Maxwell who was rocking back and forth on his toes and cooed her next line.

"I will burn out your eyes with a blow torch so you can't read."

Maxwell opened his mouth to speak, but he fainted.

**Round 3: Kennedy and Allie vs. Oxnard! Ding, ding! If I type "Ding, ding" one more type, I'm going to blow up my computer…**

"Okay, you take the back and I'll catch up," Allie directed.

"Wait, you're only twelve. Shouldn't _I _be the one bossing the other girl around?" Kennedy protested, using hand gestures to prove her point and with an exasperated look on her face.

"Like, stop, like, arguing, like, 'cuz, like, it's, like, totally, like, uncool."

Allie and Kennedy slowly turned around to see that Oxnard's valley girl accent hadn't gone away. Their mouths dropped as Oxnard started repeating "like" for a thousand times or more. They exchanged worried glances and started whispering hastily to each other for a plan.

"What should we do?" Kennedy hissed.

"I don't know! You go hurt him!" Allie whispered hoarsely back.

"No way, that thing is, like, the devil!"

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!!!!" Oxnard yelled out.

"Wait," Allie realized and grabbed Kennedy by the upper arm. "When you said like, he started to say like. Since there's two of us, maybe we can put him on overdrive or something."

"That is the dumbest idea I've ever heard." Kennedy shrugged. "But we're desperate. LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE!!!"

Allie joined in the many "likes" and will not type them out because my fingers would probably fall off. For about five minutes, the room was filled with the same word and Oxnard yelled out the "likes" louder than Kennedy and Allie would have ever imagined. Soon, no one could hear what they were saying and it seemed ~cough cough~ _like _it would never stop under Kennedy threw her arms in the air.

"That is _it! _ This isn't working, Allie!" Kennedy snapped at her companion.

"Hey, don't blame me! You're the one who agreed with me!" Allie retorted hotly.

"Me?! Are you crazy? This was all your idea!"

"Well, at least I'm participating unlike _one _person in our group."

"And that would be?"

"LIKE, SHUT, LIKE, UP!"

"LIKE, YOU, LIKE, SHUT, LIKE, UP!" Kennedy and Allie screamed in unison at Oxnard, which seemed to shut the kid up pretty well by the look in the girls' eyes. His own eyes opened a little and he held his head.

"What am I doing here? And where's my cupcake?" Oxnard asked, still in a dazed state until Allie hit Oxnard upside the head with a giant tree branch she found lying on the ground. Kennedy smiled and shook hands with Allie.

"I guess our hate saved this kid!" Allie laughed.

"But he's unconscious…" Kennedy said.

"Who cares? You want to go argue about politics?"

"It's why I live dude, it's why I live…"

**Round 4: Dave vs. Howdy! I will NOT type the "Ding, ding!" thing again…**

"ALL TIME SUPER MEGA-Q HALL OF FAME SPORTS STAR HOWDY HAS THE ALL TIME SUPER MEGA-Q HALL OF FAME SPORTS STAR SPOT OF BEING THE BEST ALL TIME SUPER MEGA-Q HALL OF FAME SPORTS STAR!!"

"Oh, will you just _shut up_?!" Dave groaned as he put his face into his hands.

"Not until I get a pay rise!" Howdy snarled. He thought for a moment and then said, "And my sixty virgins that my agent promised me when I rule the world in sports."

"This shouldn't take long," Dave muttered to himself. "All I have to do is beat him in a game of bowling or something."

"I heard you, unpaid intern! And you can NEVER beat me, the all time Mega-Q hall of fame-"

"Okay, okay! Enough with the big title! And no theme music!" Dave snapped as Howdy started to hum a tune that the southerner seemed to have composed himself. He ran his hands through his hair and then whipped out a tennis ball.

"Wall ball. You and me. Now," Dave hissed and Howdy nodded. Dave threw the ball at a corner and it bounced back to Howdy, who surprisingly caught it with legerdemain, whirled the ball out of his hand at a great speed. It bounced the wall in flash and rattled the ceiling while Dave looked on in horror as the ball struck his face.

"ALL TIME MEGA-Q HALL OF FAME STAR HOWDY WON!" Howdy screeched, pumping his fists in the air for his victory dance.

"Rematch," Dave grumbled, leaping onto his feet. "We play tennis."

Four minutes later…

"I WON! I WON! AGAIN!!!"

"Rematch," Dave panted as he lay on the ground, covering his bruised eye and getting a couple of tissues for the bloody nose. "1 on 1 basketball."

Three minutes later…

"You really need to get a new job, unpaid intern," Howdy cackled, pointing at Dave who had his head covered in the basketball net.

"Rematch," Dave scowled. "Golf."

Two minutes later…

"AND STAY OUT!!!" the golf club manager yelled as he kicked Dave and Howdy out of the door.

"Oh, dang, that was AWESOME! Let's play another round of golf. I'm sure that we'll hit fewer spectators this time!" Howdy yipped.

"Re-Rematch," Dave managed to whisper. "Online checkers."

One minute later…

"WOO HOO! This day keeps getting better and better for me!" Howdy whooped, hopping around the computer lab.

"Oh, no… I can't beat this guy in any sport!" Dave wailed, covering his hands over his eyes as the Internet had announced that Howdy was the victor of this showdown. He sniffled, "I guess Howdy beat me…"

"Hey, let's play a game of rock, paper, scissors!" Howdy called and Dave shrugged.

"Ah, heck to it," Dave said and brushed off the possibility of failure by joining in the game.

"Rock, paper, scissors," Howdy and Dave chanted and finally Howdy put two fingers in the air, indicating that he chose scissors, but his smile faltered as he saw Dave's move.

"Ha! Optimus Prime beats scissors!" Dave laughed and Howdy, like all of the others, fell into a coma.

***

Kassidy threw open the door to see…

"No! Don't come any closer!" Sonic called out, dodging the many knives fired out at him, but having super speed made sure that he didn't get sliced open.

"Sonic?! What the HACK are you doing here?!" Kassidy screamed out in horror at the blue… hedgehog. Or mutant. It sure didn't look like a hedgehog.

"Mario and Luigi told me to come in here because they said that I could find the cookie jar here, but guess what? No cookies!" Sonic cried and Kassidy raised an eyebrow.

"Right. Anyway, have you seen a kid with a head full of orange hair on one side and white on the other, 'bout this tall-" She raised her arm up to her waist- "Looking for his dead pet called Dummy?"

"Yeah, I saw him go up towards the Tower of Death," Sonic directed as the flames started to go off and he flipped and bounced out of the way while Kassidy remained in her steady position of leaning against the doorway.

Kassidy started strolling towards the end of the room, knocking out any of the incoming arrows by using her hat as a shield. "Thanks, Sonic! Sometimes, I think that you're more helpful than Mario-"

"Wait!" Sonic warned. "Don't go to the end of the room! It's a-"

Before she could see where she was going, Kassidy fell through the floor with an "AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"Trap," Sonic finished slowly. He looked at the dark hole where Kassidy had disappeared and shrugged. "Can't win 'em all, Sonic. Just ignore the guilt, ignore it and it'll go away…"

***

**Round 5: Johnson vs. Sandy! FIGHT!**

"Here, Sandy! Here, girl, come get the raisin- I mean chocolate chip cookie!" Johnson cooed, holding out his hand and calling Sandy over as if she was a pet.

Sandy looked at him for a while before narrating the scene. "Unfortunately for Johnson, Sandy had to keep moving to reach the Emerald of World Peace, but her chances of reaching it were slowly diminishing along with her hopes of finding the legendary crystal as her body weakened from the harsh elements of the planet Sturial."

"I'm sorry, I don't have the attention span of Kylee-"

"Hey!" Kylee snapped, waving a fan in front of her face before she could think of the song she was singing earlier.

"Let me rephrase that. I don't have the attention span of Laura-" Johnson took a quick glance at Laura to see that she was hyperventilating in the corner while Pashmina kept poking her to "get out". He shook it off and turned back to Sandy. "As I was saying, I don't have a very long attention span and I don't want to hear your five thousand paged novel of The Adventures of Sandy: Emerald of World Peace today, so just get in this freakn' body bag and no one gets hurt… much."

"Sandy had to disagree with that statement and was ready to attack."

"Of course, now get the in the body bag- Attack?!" Johnson gasped and looked down at Sandy who was crouched down in an athletic stance, poised to strike.

"I have a feeling that this is going to take more than a body bag," Johnson muttered, shaking his head a little.

"And as Johnson cowered, Sandy sneered through gritted teeth, 'Put the body bag in your pocket and back away slowly'," Sandy narrated, obviously trying to get Johnson away from her. In return, Johnson raised his hands over his head and backed away… slowly. Sandy smirked and went back to find a way past the guard of the Cave of No Return. The boy was sleeping in a… giant… sock and no one really knew how he got into the daycare. To Sandy, this mysterious boy seemed to be a better guard than she thought.

Meanwhile, Johnson was concocting a new plan, but the color drained from his face as he thought of how much his self esteem would be wrecked. He took a deep breath, looked around the room, and sent a small prayer out that this wouldn't go on the Internet. Or FanFiction. Same thing. He slapped his forehead in distaste before setting out towards Sandy. Once he got to the little girl, he looked down at her and started to recite the lines that he had come up with.

"General Johnson had to stop Sergeant Sandy from collecting the Emerald of World Peace because he was forced to so he approached her on planet Sturial, armed with some of the top class weaponry," Johnson announced, sweating the entire time and making sure that no one could hear him. Sighing, he looked at Sandy for her reaction and her face was livid with malice and confusion at her new opponent.

She shrugged and then spoke. "Sandy was already weak and ready to open the gate to the emerald, but a new opposing force blocked her path to victory, something she would not let happen."

With that, she whipped out her ribbon and lashed it at Johnson's face that narrowly dodged it. Surprised, he yelled out, "I had no idea that she used a ribbon to fight!"

"And Sandy then thought, 'This is going to be easy', then brought the move to end this," Sandy huffed and tied Johnson up in her ribbon. She then sneered, "And the Emerald of World Peace could be rejoined with the Ruby of Controlled Global Warming!"

"But, this is just a cheap ribbon from Wal-Mart," Johnson said as he easily ripped up Sandy's ribbon to shreds, getting to his feet while Sandy looked on in awe.

"THOSE WHO INTERFERE WITH FATE ARE PAVING THE ROAD TO THEIR DEMISE!!" Sandy yelled out and fell down to the ground.

Johnson, dazed of what just happened, looked at the lifeless body and body bag lying on the floor. He hunched his shoulders up and down and smiled.

"At least I can have my raisin cookie now!"

**Round 6 (Although it feels like the 100****th****…) : Emma vs. Pashmina! Ready? Set? ENGAGE MISSION!**

"What's the point of life, we're all gonna die anyway. I hate my life anyway, I might as well hang myself-"

"Don't talk like that! You'll actually die, I'm not kidding!" Emma cried while clamping Pashmina's mouth shut.

"But it's all true! Get me a knife, I'm going to cut my wrists!" Pashmina demanded, slapping Emma's hand away.

"OH, GAWD, NO!!! YOU ARE _NOT _GOING TO CUT YOUR WRISTS ANYTIME SOON!" Emma screamed, whisking out a pair of handcuffs that suddenly appeared in her pocket and handcuffed Pashmina. Unfortunately for her…

"Oh, no…" Emma breathed.

"I'm not going to ask because I don't care!" Pashmina sneered, turning her back to face the part of the wall that read "The Emo Corner".

"Oh, no no no no!" Emma screamed, thrashing her right hand around and Pashmina looked over to see that her left hand was being waved back and forth as Emma tried to free herself.

"I just handcuffed myself to you!" Emma sobbed, waving her arm loosely.

"Well, an idiot like you should've had the keys," Pashmina sighed. She shrugged. "At least I can die in peace now. But I'm handcuffed to this idiot. Now I _really _want to cut my wrists. Or cut them off to escape my doomed fate."

"Shut up, or I'll cut off your head!" Emma threatened. And Pashmina, being the incredibly sensitive little girl she was, immediately started to break down. It seemed that Emma had ~cough cough~ cured her.

"H-How, c-can you say that?!" Pashmina wailed. "I-I just wa-wanted to be friends, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

"Be quiet, pinky… err… not so pinky!" Emma said as she looked at Pashmina who was covered in black. Rolling her eyes, she tried to find the keys in her pocket to no avail.

"W-Why did you want to cut my h-head off?! I-I… WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" bawled Pashmina, trying to wipe her tears away with her handcuffed hand, which meant that Emma had to lean over for her arm not to be twisted.

"I can't live like this," Emma mumbled.

We'll check in with these two a little later…

**Round 7: Reita vs. Bijou!**

"YO, WHAT UP, REITA PIMPSTER?! MY HOMIE, MY HOMEDOG, MY-"

"_Please be quiet or I'll rip your head off and feed it to mountain lions,"_ Reita said in French. Bijou looked at her for a long time before replying to her in the same language.

"_No, because this town is so pimp, homie!" _Bijou laughed. Reita sighed, knowing where this was going. She rubbed her temple, wondering why the HECK she ever signed up for this. Or took on two kids. _I blame the writer,_ she thought and heaved a sigh before rushing into the closet and popping back out with an outfit the same as Bijou's. She had one of those "pimp" hats with an "R" stitched onto it, a giant, oversized golden necklace shaped to be the dollar sign, baggy clothes, and rings covering every one of her fingers.

"Yo, Bij, I'm gonna show you what iron knuckles really are!" Reita said through gritted teeth, holding up a fist. Bijou smirked and waved for her to continue. Disappointed, Reita hung her head in shame.

"My reputation is completely ruined," she whispered and looked up. With a furious burn of determination in her eyes she pumped her fist into the air. "But I can't give up, all of the FanFiction readers rely on me!"

Then, ChargingFowardBlind and Awesomewriter123, , and all of the appreciated 250-300 readers burst through the door and yelled at the same time, "No we don't!"

"GET OUT OF THE ROOM!" Reita screamed at them. "YOU ALL AREN'T IN THIS CHAPTER!"

Huffing, Reita whirled back around to Bijou (Who was creating a rap on how pretty she was) and said, "My dignity may be ripped to shreds and burned after this, but to stop this insanity, I'm going to bring you _down_, homedawg."

"Ha, you called her a dog," Awesomewriter123 sneered and Reita threw all of MY readers and reviewers out of the room. Dang, she is strong… And harsh.

"My reputation is going to be ruined, right?" she asked a remaining reader who managed to hide himself under the couch. The reader nodded meekly. Reita slapped her forehead and took a deep breath before starting her very… disturbing rap.

"YO, DAWG, SUP, REITA'S HERE, SO UM… GET IT INTO GEAR, YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Reita hooted, nearly crying after the same reader that was strangled out of the crowd start video taping this with his camera.

"HEY, YO, DIS IS BIJOU, GOING OUT LAST NIGHT WITH SANDY, PASHMINA, AND SPARKLE TOO!" Bijou crowed loudly.

"What's dying in here?" Johnson gasped as he woke up on the couch, shocked by the amount of screaming.

"YO, BIJOU, I TOTALLY HATE YOU! YOU IN THIS WORLD IS 'NO CAN DO'! SO IF YOU DON'T DIE, I'LL… SUE!" Reita spat in Bijou's face. Bijou sniffled a little and toppled over into the fetal position. She didn't go into a coma, since I'm nice like that, but she did start to rock back and forth as she starting crying.

"Funny, I don't feel any guilt," Reita smiled, rubbing the back of her head. Her mood brightened as she called out, "Maybe, just _maybe_, this might not go onto the Internet!"

"You kidding? This is gold, baby!" the last reader rang out, leaping to his feet and kissing his phone. He waved the phone in the air before departing, yelling, "Just wait 'till FanFiction sees this! 'Reita Lost All of Her Constitution/Dignity/Reputation!' I'm gonna make a story about this!"

With that, the reader raced out of the door, giggling to himself as he thought of how many hits would go on this new story. Meanwhile, Reita just stared blankly at the door. She blinked twice.

"MY NAME IS REEEEEIIIIIITAAAA MAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!"

***

Just so you guys know, if you have read every single word of this stupid story that you waste your time with because you have no life, you eyes have scanned over several thousand words. I feel bad for you. We're not even halfway done with this scenario, but I would prefer it if you would read all of this crap in this paragraph. As you may know from other chapters, some content may not be suited for children under the age of 12. I know that some of you have read this story and you are under 12 and we should sue you, but I cannot do anything about it. I just wanted to let the faithful and appreciated readers and reviewers that you have made it this far in the story. Congrats! I hope you have enjoyed the chapter so far and will continue to read the story and review. I'm going to wrap this chapter up because the readers were reading the same sentence over and over again. I'm going to wrap this chapter up because the readers were reading the same sentence over and over again. Have a nice day and I'll make sure to take more requests for the next (and last) chapter.

***

BUWHAHAHAHA! I LIED TO YOU ALL! This story is actually going to have another chapter because I was afraid that the idea for this chapter would take up at least one hundred pages and it'd hurt your eyes. It would be awesome if you guys would review! To make my day? Oh, and if you weren't in this chapter and sent a review, you WILL be in the next chapter. READ AND REVIEW!!!


	15. Goodbye

Okay, so THIS is the last chapter… I can't wait to finish; I want to get started on the sequel ASAP.

Now, a big thanks to all of the reviewers! You guys were the ones who kept me going. No, I'm not kidding, without you guys, the last chapter and this one wouldn't be possible. So thanks so much!

I won't make this chapter too big. I'm sorry that the last chapter wasn't as funny as you would think that it would be and I'll try to fix that.

The fights:

_Jenna vs. Chipmunk_

_Stan vs. Dave_

_Emma vs. Pashmina cont…_

_Hamtaro and Boss vs. Laura_

_Kassidy vs. Bowser_

**A NOTE TO KENNI KAT: I'm really sorry, but I can't let you into this chapter because it'll confuse the chapter and the plot. I can put you in the sequel if you send a review saying that you want to be in the sequel, but I'm sorry to say that you couldn't get into this chapter. **

So… Here we go!

Chapter 15:

The End of the Beginning

**Round 8: Chipmunk vs. Jenna! WOOT WOOT!**

"Come back here!"

"Come back here!"

"Idiot!"

"Idiot!"

"Why me…?" Chipmunk panted, her arms screaming for her to stop pumping up and down. Drops of sweat ran down her nose down to her neck and her eyes bulged as she fought to remain conscious. Her crazy friend was faster than she had ever thought and they had been running for a good two hours.

"Why me?" Jenna mimicked, throwing Chipmunk a smirk. Her playfulness was not meant to last and as she started to stick her tongue out, she ran into a wall.

"Ha!" Chipmunk laughed in victory, cornering her and bending in an athletic pose. "Give up, Jenna, I totally beat you!"

"Ha! Give up, Jenna, I totally beat you!" the little girl copied before moving onto her independent thoughts. "You'll never catch me alive, chipmunk freak!"

"I am _not_ at chipmunk freak!" Chipmunk screamed, pointing her index finger at herself. "While my friends just met me for the first time, a chipmunk started to attack me and now that's my name!"

As Jenna started copying her, Chipmunk's thoughts drifted to a brilliant idea. She smirked and put her hands behind her back, whistling a tune. After Jenna did the same, the smaller of the two asked, "What are you doing? Aren't you going to chase me?"

"No," Chipmunk sighed, walking a farther away from her. "You're way too fast, I could never catch you."

"Noyou'," Jenna said quickly, curious as to why her friend was giving up. "But I want you to chase me!"

"No, you're not crazy enough."

"I AM TOO CRAZY ENOUGH! BEEF JERKY! TREE KILLERS! AND I DON'T CUSS, I REPLACE THEM WITH THE WORDS PUPPY AND KITTY AND HAPPY PEOPLE!" Jenna exploded at Chipmunk. Pretending to think for a moment, Chipmunk shook her head and turned away again.

"I'LL LOCK YOU IN THE BROOM CLOSET, CHIPPY, AND THE GIANT SPIDERS IN LAURA'S HAIR WILL ATTACK AND EAT YOUR INSIDES IF YOU DON'T HURT ME RIGHT NOW!" Jenna screamed.

"Well, Jenna, if you put it that way…" Chipmunk grabbed a baseball bat from the broom closet. "Maybe I could just hold onto this baseball bat for a while… Just in case you get crazy enough, which you won't."

Jenna stomped her foot and caused an earthquake in France. Nearly ripping out her hair, she bellowed, "YOU WILL TRY TO HURT ME NOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!"

"Hey, Jenn, I have to tell you a secret," Chipmunk said sneakily. Jenna's ears perked up and she took a step closer. This is a great example of a short attention span.

Looking left to right, Chipmunk beckoned her to get closer. "I really shouldn't tell you this, but- come closer…"

"Yeah?" Jenna whispered.

"Well…" As Jenna took one step closer to Chipmunk-

"!!!!!" Chipmunk yelled and crushed her baseball bat against Jenna's head.

"You are coming to the counselor's office with me to straighten things out for the fifth time! INCLUDING your ADD!" Chipmunk spat and carried Jenna out of the daycare into only God knows where…

Then a giant squid ate them. Jenna and Chipmunk had to live off of the graham crackers people fed to the squid.

**Round one million and two. I mean 9. **

**Stan vs. Dave… I CHOOSE YOU, PIKACHU!**

"Clean up, clean up, everybody do their share, clean up clean up, everybody-"

"DIE, SATAN! I mean… STAN!" Dave screamed and brought out the sugar bag that was covering Panda's face and knocked Stan out. After five seconds of watching Stan not move, Dave threw the sugar bag at Panda's face. Panda groaned in pain, but couldn't get up because Dave sat on him then.

"Whew, that's hard work to knock out a five year old. Dang, I'm parched." He looked around for a drink and spotted a can of Red Bull set onto the table. Looking tempted, he shrugged. "Maybe I can just have a sip. Laura won't mind… I hope."

Reaching out for the aluminum can, his fingertips tipped the cup, but retracted when Laura popped out from under the couch with a black eye, hair ripped out, and bruises all over her face.

"Need… Energy… Need… Red… Bull," she whispered hoarsely. "I'm… gonna… die…"

"Well, _I_ need the energy drink because I was just in a heated battle. I want my Red Bull," Dave protested and chugged the tin can. Laura's eyes widened and she gasped.

"No way… Dude, Boss… is… gonna kill me!" Laura complained. As she heard Boss hit a new note, she groaned and covered her face. "Now the guy is coming for me! He's gonna sit on me! And I'll be squished and killed!"

"You're right," Dave said suddenly, dropping the can as his eyes were glazed with realization. "We need help."

"Where's Chipmunk?" Laura hissed, taking a quick look over her shoulder. Boss was still on the other side of the room, calling out Laura's name as he wanted to put on a concert for her. Quickly, the teenager ducked under a couch .

"I don't know. Eaten by a squid maybe?" Dave suggested. "Oh, well. We need Kassidy, she's older and she's better than you at yelling."

"Shut up! But whatever, didn't you say that she was in Mario world?" Laura screamed, peeking out of the couch.

"Looks like we're going to Mario world."

"Okay, but first, I just need to- WAIT, WHAT?!?" Laura yelled, poking her head out of the couch again.

"I WANNA GO TO MARIO WORLD!" Boss sang in a ear splitting voice and ran over to Laura, clocking her in the nose. Dave took the last sip of his stolen Red Bull.

"Help," Laura whispered, her voice cracking as she looked up at Dave with watering eyes. Dave stared at her for a long time.

***

"HIIIIIIIIIII, KASSIDY!!!!" a voice screamed from the other side of the side of the dimly lit room. The teenager whirled around to see Hamtaro happily licking a chocolate fudge popsicle, unhurt. Her gum dropped out of her mouth as she opened her mouth in shock.

"You're… You're… _Fine?_" she wondered aloud, staggering towards Hamtaro. The child nodded his head happily and pointed to a door labeled "Exit".

"Yeah, I was waiting for you. Now we can go! And maybe the giant turtle will give me another treat!" Hamtaro grinned as he made his way for the door.

"Oh, okay. I can't wait to get back to the daycare and get my paycheck-" Kassidy lurched to a stop. "Wait, what giant turtle?"

"Oh, you know," Hamtaro answered as he was in the doorway. "Big, tall, pretty ugly turtle. He said that he was waiting for someone."

With that, Hamtaro ran out of the room and a giant light sucked him in with a "woosh". A chill was set down Kassidy's spine as she felt heavy breathing against her neck-

BEEEEEEEEP! ALERT THAT YOU HAVE TO READ!

_**YOU MUST READ THIS BIT OR ELSE YOU'LL BE CONFUSED, GOT IT?**_

… **Please don't take this too seriously. I have no intention nor interest to finish this story. I have lost so many reviewers and friends on this site that I think there is no point to finish this. I haven't updated a story in months and I really don't think anyone on this site will in any amount of time. I'm SO sorry everyone. To be honest with you, I only made this "you all can babysit the devil's children" as a thank you for all the kind reviews, favorites, and story alerts. Now, most of these people who signed up for this are gone. However, if I get enough reviews telling me to work on the sequel "Road Trip", I will start to write it. I don't care how many complaints or death notes I get (You people are cruel!)…**

**I WILL NEVER FINISH THIS STORY. NOR WILL I EVER REPLY TO ANYONE WHO ASKS ME NOT TO DO SO, FRIEND OR NOT. **

**Once again, I apologize immensely. **

**-sxmfan :(**

**Beeeeeeeppp… I'm gonna miss doing this interruption thing…**

**THE END**


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